01-16-2004, 07:26 AM | #1 |
Takhisis Follower
Join Date: April 30, 2001
Location: szép Magyarország (well not right now)
Posts: 5,089
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Ok some of these are old, but some were new to me anyway
EVER WONDER Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? Why is "abbreviated" such a long word? Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"? Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff? Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together? If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods. On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (and that's the only timeI have to work on my hair). On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)? On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....) On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's"just" a suggestion). On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)! On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:"Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time)? On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May >cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....) On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what)? On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.) On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?) On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
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Too set in his ways to ever relate If he could set that aside, there'd be heaven to pay But weathered and aged, time swept him to grave Love conquers all? Damn, I'd say that area's gray |
01-16-2004, 08:23 AM | #2 |
Unicorn
Join Date: May 14, 2002
Location: Oklahoma, USA
Age: 33
Posts: 4,238
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On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this
garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.) lol! This is my favorite! [img]tongue.gif[/img]
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\"I firmly believe that any man\'s finest hour, the greatest fulfillment of all that he holds dear, is the moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle - victorious.\"<br />-Vince Lombardi |
01-16-2004, 12:05 PM | #3 |
Unicorn
Join Date: October 4, 2001
Location: Kingdom of the West,..P.o. Cynagus
Posts: 4,212
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On a tube of Preparation-H "Do Not take internally" Like " I ate 3 tube of this stuff and it didn't help"
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53.7% of all statistics are made up |
01-16-2004, 12:30 PM | #4 |
Fzoul Chembryl
Join Date: July 11, 2002
Location: Limbo
Age: 44
Posts: 1,720
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peanut m&m's still have the warning about being manufactured in a place that has nuts. so silly.
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*peek-a-boo* |
01-16-2004, 02:36 PM | #5 |
Legion Symbol
Join Date: February 14, 2002
Location: Ireland
Age: 39
Posts: 7,367
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On a pack of condoms:
"This product was not tested on animals"
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ZFR |
01-16-2004, 07:51 PM | #6 |
Baaz Draconian
Join Date: September 8, 2002
Location: Cornelius,NC
Age: 36
Posts: 700
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LOL , I've heard some of those before, but they are still funny!
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I am the Ferret king, master of the hordes, allied to Someguy\'s mighty pinguins, we will soon rule the world! |
01-16-2004, 09:04 PM | #7 | |
John Locke
Join Date: February 7, 2002
Location: Edmonton, Canada
Age: 35
Posts: 8,985
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Quote:
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01-16-2004, 09:11 PM | #8 | |
Takhisis Follower
Join Date: April 30, 2001
Location: szép Magyarország (well not right now)
Posts: 5,089
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Quote:
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01-16-2004, 10:49 PM | #9 | |
Legion Symbol
Join Date: May 29, 2002
Location: Somewhere in between
Age: 39
Posts: 7,029
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I like this one:
Quote:
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Skydracgrrl: Cruelty, thy name is Cal! --- There are none so blind as those who refuse to see, none so deaf as those who refuse to hear, and none so smelly as those who refuse to bathe. |
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01-17-2004, 01:38 AM | #10 | |
Drizzt Do'Urden
Join Date: October 11, 2002
Location: Malaysia
Age: 35
Posts: 638
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Quote:
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[img]\"http://groups.msn.com/_Secure/0RwARAyMWqyivmPQQNWY0hVVRv3oUvlvq5uMcEd3!RZut55dm8 emNqpdvpE7IkB0Cpa1ykaC4MbaPQTDKfXyfz!1y5xDqyJez01d EkyCZjmc/Callum.gif\" alt=\" - \" /><br />Puff the magic dragon! |
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