LMAO at this email I got...warning: explicit

[Vaskez]

Apoligies in advance if anyone takes offense or if moderators don't think this is appopriate...look at it purely for humour and remember..I didn't write this, just copied and pasted it.

>>FINALLY A CHAIN LETTER THAT I LIKE!
>>
>>Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare and
>>deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity,
>>fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and
>>guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion ■■■■■■■ chain letters sent
>>to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then
>>that poor ■■■■■■■ 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her
>>forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed
>>before her redneck parents sell her off to the traveling freak
>>show.
>>
>>Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and
>>everyone you send his email to $1000? How stupid are you? Ooooh,
>>looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get
>>laid by every Playboy Bunny in the magazine! What a bunch of
>>■■■■■■■ bullshit.
>>
>>So basically, this message is a big ■■■■ YOU to all the people out
>>there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain
>>mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come
>>into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing
>>the chain which was started by Ceaser in 5 A.D. and was brought to
>>this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it
>>to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records
>>for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.
>>
>>■■■■ them!
>>
>>If you're going to forward something, at least send me something
>>mildly ■■■■■■■ amusing. I've seen all the 'send this to 50 of your
>>closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being
>>will somehow receive a Nickel from some omniscient being forwards
>>about 90 times. I don't ■■■■■■■ care. Show a little intelligence
>>and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out
>>forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity.
>>
>>
>>THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
>>
>> Chain Letter Type 1:
>>(scroll down)
>>
>>
>>Make a wish!!!
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>Keep Scrolling
>>
>>
>>
>>No, really, go on and make one!!!
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!
>>Wish something else!!!
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>Not that, you pervert!!
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>STOP!!!!
>>
>>
>>Wasn't that fun? [img]smile.gif[/img]
>>Hope you made a great wish [img]smile.gif[/img]
>>
>>
>>Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if
>>you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will
>>be raped by a mad goat and thrown off a high building into a pile
>>of manure.
>>
>>It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like those fake ones, THIS
>>one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here's how it goes:
>>
>>*Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for
>>sending them a stupid chain letter.
>>
>>*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for
>>sending them a stupid chain letter.
>>
>>*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you
>>for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your
>>life.
>>
>>*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you
>>for sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your house.
>>Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
>>
>> Chain Letter Type 2
>>
>>Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a
>>starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no
>>legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be
>>saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be
>>donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from
>>Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund.
>>
>>Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the emails
>>sent and this is all a complete load of bullshit. So go on, reach
>>out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds.
>>
>>Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6
>>people, you will die instantly.
>>
>>Thanks again!!
>>
>>
>> Chain Letter Type 3
>>
>>Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This
>>is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and
>>probably not as many sad pricks with nothing better to do.
>>
>>So this is how it works... Pass this on to 15,067 people in the
>>next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:
>>
>>*Bizarre Horror Story #1
>>Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had
>>recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a
>>crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a
>>drainpipe in a flood of poopie, and went flying out over a
>>waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could
>>Happen To You!!!
>>
>>*Bizarre Horror Story #2
>>Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and
>>ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his
>>boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and
>>went to hell and were cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for
>>eternity.
>>
>>This Could Happen To You Too!!! Remember, you could end up just
>>like Pinsley and Bip. Just send this letter to all of your loser
>>friends, and everything will be okay.
>>
>>
>> Chain Letter Type 4
>>
>>As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote.
>>Send it to all your friends.
>>
>>FRIENDS:
>>
>>A friend is someone who is always at your side.
>>
>>A friend is someone who likes you even though you stink of shit,
>>and your breath smells like you've been eating catfood.
>>
>>A friend is someone who likes you even though you're as ugly as a
>>hat full of assholes.
>>
>>A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled
>>yourself.
>>
>>A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry
>>about your sad, sad life.
>>
>>A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really
>>think you should be raped by mad goats, then thrown to vicious
>>dogs.
>>
>>A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then gets
>>the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English...no, sorry
>>that's the cleaning lady.
>>
>>A friend is NOT someone who sends you chain letters because he
>>wants his wish of being rich to come true.
>>
>>Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never have sex ever again!
>>
>>
>>The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to
>>leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete
>>it. If it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them
>>feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been
>>tied to a dead elephant for 27 years, whose only savior is the 5
>>cents per
>>letter he'll receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end
>>up like Miranda. Right?
>>
>>Now forward this to everyone that you know otherwise you'll find
>>all your knickers missing tomorrow morning!
>>

[ 09-05-2002, 05:12 PM: Message edited by: Vaskez ]

[andrewas]

LOL

But you might want to censor some of the before the mods see it.

[Jorath Calar]

Thanks I've been looking for that in english I got it in Icelandic... signed by Denis Leary, but It's not his style... now, to copy it before the mods get mads... [img]smile.gif[/img]

[Cloudbringer]

erm....Vaskie, dear? You may wish to just *** out some things.

Can't say as I'd not like to send something similar to the spam chainmailers of the universe some days, though.

Cloudy

[ 09-05-2002, 05:46 PM: Message edited by: Cloudbringer ]

[Sazerac]

Originally posted by Cloudbringer: erm....Vaskie, dear? You may wish to just *** out some things. Can't say as I'd not like to send something similar to the spam chainmailers of the universe some days, though. Cloudy

Ditto!

But please, yes, do edit out some of the more...*ahem*...colorful metaphors there. Fun is fun, but we've got to keep it PG, at least.

-Saz

[Aelia Jusa]

ROFL!!! I have a 'friend' who forwards chain letters to me at least once every three days

[AzRaeL StoRmBlaDe]

Yeah I got that a long time ago, one of my friends sent it to and asked if I wrote it, which I did not. pretty funny thought none the less.

[AliCat]

Wahoo! Wayyyyyyy too funny! I'll have to send it to all my friends right now, before you bleep out anything... and before the chain is broken....

[Lady Blue03]

ROFLMFAO thats so hilarious! Excuse me while i send it to my friends that send me chain letters despite me telling them not to! Yes! *collapses on the floor in a heap of giggles*

[VulcanRider]

When I get chain letters, I reply with this:

Hi, my name is Billy Evans. I am 10 years old. My mother is typing this for me because I don't have any arms. I don't have any legs, or even a body. I'm just a head. My doctor, Dr. James, says I was born this way 'cause mommy was snorting drano when I lived in her tummy. She doesn't mean to sniff things like that, but she's only got this one big hole for a nose, instead of two little ones like everybody else, and things get pulled in real easy.

I'm writing to ask you to donate a nickel so I can get a body. See, Dr. James says he can sew my head onto a real body if we pay him in cash. Right now, mommy can't afford it, so he duct-taped my head onto a burlap bag full of twigs. I'd be happy with just this, but mommy's allergic to burlap so when she hugs me it chafes her and makes her break out.

Mommy's crying while she types this, 'cause it makes her sad when I scratch an itch and a twig leaves splinters in my cheek. Plus, she wishes she could get a job so we wouldn't have to ask for money, but nobody hires people who cry. She had a job once, but with all the Calomine lotion on her skin people didn't want her to get too close.

If I had a real body I could play with the other kids. It's summer, and they like to play baseball every day. Right now I can only be third base.

If I had real hands I could pet my kitty. Mommy had to put her out of the house after she started burying doodies in me.

We're gonna take all the nickels people send us, and put them in bags and send the bags to Bill Gates, and he's gonna weigh them and write a check for the whole amount, plus maybe a little extra, if the next version of Windows sells real good. Then we'll take the check to Dr. James, and he said he'll find me a body.

So please, can't you spare a nickel? Just one freakin' nickel, so a boy who's just a head won't have to roll himself across a dirt floor with his tongue? So he can have more than a @#$%@#$ hat and a #$%#$% pair of sunglasses for @#%%@ Christmas? Or are you such a stingy, heartless @#%@^# that you can't blow the @%@#^% dust off your wallet and spare some !@#$%&%# pocket change?

You can send your money to the person who sent this letter, 'cause you can trust them. But it's not safe to send cash in the mail, so maybe you should write down a credit card number, with expiration date, and just send that instead.

Thanks,

Billy (Smiles) Evans...