Ultimate Spam E-Mail!

[Reeka]

I have heard about that. Are you sure it lets you see the e-mails before it bounces them back? What about forwarded e-mails?

[WillowIX]

LOL Attalus! I'm off to the bank to get some more money! IF I can tear my eyes from LadyZ's post that is. [img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img]

[Faceman]

Found this one on a newsgroup some years ago and still keep it because it made/makes me laugh so hard.
enjoy:


Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. Iam suffering from rare and deadly
diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of being
kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not
forwarding out 50 billion chain letters sent to me by people who actually
believe that if you send them on, then that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas
with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it
removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the travelling freak
show.

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone
you send "his" email to $1000? How stupid are you?

Ooooh, lookyhere! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid
by every Playboy model in the magazine! What a bunch of bullsh**.

So basically, this message is a big STOP IT to all the people out there who
have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe
the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and sodomize
me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by Jesus in 5
A.D. and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and
if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World
Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity. If you're going
to forward something, at least send me something mildly amusing. I've seen
all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched
excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some "omniscient
being" forwards about 90 times. I don't f***ing care. Show a little
intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending
out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity.

THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:

Chain Letter Type 1:


(scroll down)


Make a wish!!!


No, really, go on and make one!!!


Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!


Wish something else!!!


Not that, you pervert!!


Is your finger getting tired yet?


STOP!!!!


Wasn't that fun? [img]smile.gif[/img]


Hope you made a great wish [img]smile.gif[/img]

Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you
don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a
mad goat and thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. It's true!
Because, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!!
Really!!! Here's how it goes:

*Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for sending
them a stupid chain letter.

*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for sending
them a stupid chain letter.

*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for sending
them a stupid chain letter,and may form a plot on your life.

*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your house.

Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!

Chain Letter Type 2:

Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving
little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs,no parents,
no willy, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, because for
every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving
Legless Armless Willyless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund.
Oh, and remember, we have absolutley no way of counting the emails sent and
this is all a complete load of bullshit. So go on, reach out. Send this to
5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder-if you accidentally
send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly. Thanks again!!

Chain Letter Type 3:

Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is
absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as
many sad pricks with nothing better to do. So this is how it works: Pass
this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will
happen to you like:

*Bizarre Horror Story #1

Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently
received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the
sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of
sh**, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty,
she died. This Could Happen To You!!!

*Bizarre Horror Story #2

Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored
it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend (hey, some
people swing that way). They both died and went to hell and were cursed to
eat adorable puppies every day for eternity. This Could Happen To You
Too!!!

Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip. Just send this letter
to all of your loser friends, and everything will be okay.

Chain Letter Type 4:

As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your
friends.

Friends

A friend is someone who is always at your side,
A friend is someone who likes you even though you stink of sh**, and
your breath smells like you've been eating catfood,
A friend is someone who likes you even though you're as ugly as a hat
full of a**holes,
A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself,
A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about
your sad, sad life,
A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you
should be raped by mad goats, then thrown to vicious dogs,
A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then gets the
cheque and leaves and doesn't speak english... - no, sorry that's the
cleaning lady.
A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his
wish of being rich to come true.

Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never have sex ever again.


The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave
you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it.
If it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty
about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant
for 27 years, whose only saviour is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if
you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up like Miranda. Right?

Now forward this to everyone you know otherwise you'll find all your
knickers missing tomorrow morning.

EDIT: big oops... I forgot that thing had explicit words. Hope I **ed all of them now.

[ 08-21-2003, 01:17 PM: Message edited by: Faceman ]