on the lighter side, chamber of laughter is back.....

[J.J.]

> > The boss of a small company called a spontaneous staff meeting in
the
> middle
> > of a particularly stressful week. When everyone gathered, the
employer,
> who
> > understood the benefits of having fun, told the burnt-out staff the
> purpose
> > of the meeting was to have a quick contest to see who could come up
with
> the
> > best "Viagra advertising slogans."
> >
> > Dividing into 10 groups of three, the only rule was they had to use
ad
> > slogans from other products that had been used in the past.
> >
> > About 7 minutes later, they turned in their suggestions, and created
a
> "Top
> > Ten List."
> >
> > 10. Viagra, It's "Whaazzzzz Up!"
> >
> > 9. Viagra, The quicker pecker upper.
> >
> > 8. Viagra, Like a rock!
> >
> > 7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there tonight.
> >
> > 6. Viagra, Be all that you can be.
> >
> > 5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.
> >
> > 4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.
> >
> > 3. Viagra, Tastes great!........More filling!
> >
> > 2. Viagra, We bring good things to life!
> >
> > And the unanimous number one slogan:
> >
> > 1. This is your penis. This is your penis on drugs. Any questions?
> >

[J.J.]

> > The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by
> > > an enemy Indian war party.
> > > The Indian Chief proclaims "So, you are the
> > > great Lone Ranger. In honor of the Harvest
> > > Festival, you will be executed in three days.But,
> > > before I kill you, I will grant you three
> > > requests. What is your first request?"
> >
> > > The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak
> > > to my horse."
> > > Chief nods and Silver is brought before the
> > > Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver's ear, and
> > > the horse gallops away. Later that evening,
> > > Silver returns with a beautiful blond woman on
> > > his back.
> >
> >As the Indian Chief watches, the blond enters
> >the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.
> >The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's
> >impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal
> >horse, but I will still kill you in two days.
> >
> > What is your second request?"
> >The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his
> >horse.
> >Silver is brought to him and he again whispers in
> >the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off
> >across the plains and disappears over the
> > > horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief's
> > > surprise, Silver again returns, this time with
> > > a voluptuous brunette, even more attractive
> > > than the blond. She enters the Lone Ranger's
> > > tent and spends the night.
> >
> >The following morning the Indian Chief is
> >again impressed. "You are indeed a man of many
> >talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow.
> >What is your last request?"
> >
> >The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to
> >speak to my horse, alone."
> >The Chief is curious, but he agrees and
> >Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.
> >
> >Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs
> >Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye
> >and says, "Listen carefully, for the last time,
> >I said BRING POSSE!!!

[J.J.]

An increase in size
The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human
body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"
No one answered until little Mary stood up, angry, and said, "You should
not
be asking 6th graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my
parents,
and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!"
With a sneer on her face, she then sat back down. Mrs. Parks ignored her
and
asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its
size
when stimulated?"
Little Mary's mouth fell open; then she said to those around her, "Boy,
is
she gonna get in big trouble!"
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class," Anybody?"
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body
part
that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the
eye."
Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and continued,
"As for you, young lady, I have three things to say
(1) you have a dirty mind,
(2) you didn't read your homework, and
(3) one day, when you're older, you are going to be very, very
disappointed."

[J.J.]

A nun is sitting with her Mother Superior chatting."I used some

> > horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it."

> > "When did you use this awful language?" asks the elder. "Well, I*was

> > golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going

> > to go over 250 yards, but it struck a phone line that was hanging

> > overthe

> > fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about

> > 75*yards."

> >

> > "Is THAT when you swore?" "No, Mother," says the nun. "After

> > that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth

> > and began to run away." "Is THAT when you swore?" asks the Mother

> > Superior again. "Well, no."

> > says the nun.

> >

> > "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of

> > the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!" "Is

> > THAT when you swore?" asks the amazed elder nun. "No, not yet. As the

> > eagle

> > carried the squirrel away in its claws, it flew near the green and the

> > squirrel dropped

> > my ball." "Did you swear THEN?" asked Mother Superior, becoming

> > impatient.

> > "No, because the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the

> > sandtrap,rolled onto the green, and stopped about six inches from the

> > hole."

> > The two nuns were silent for a long moment.

> > Then Mother Superior sighed and said, "You missed the ■■■■■■■

> > putt,didn't you?

[Beaumanoir]

OK- i'm gonna share with you peeps my most precious and prized joke EVER!
Ahem........OK, here it goes.....

*A piece of string walks into a bar, and the barman says,
"OOOH ARE YOU A PIECE OF STRING?"
The piece of string says, "Why yes, i am, why?"
The barman says, "OOOh well you're in luck, we have a special offer on beer for pieces of string this evening. Sit down, and i'll bring you your free pint!"
So the piece of string says, "Great!" and sits down.

* A second piece walks into a bar, and the barman says,
"OOOH ARE YOU A PIECE OF STRING?"
The second piece of string says, "Why yes, i am, why?"
The barman says, "OOOh well you're in luck, we have a special offer on beer for pieces of string this evening. Sit down, and i'll bring you your free pint!"
So the second piece of string says, "Great!" and sits down.

* A third piece of string walks into the bar, with a huge afro hair hut!
The barman says, "Excuse me, are you a piece of string?"

And the piece of string says, "No- i'm a fraid knot!"

[John D Harris]

The following ad appeared in a newspaper.

SBF seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant.
I'm a svelte good looking girl who LOVES to play.

I love long walks in the woods.

Riding in your pickup truck.

Hunting, camping, and fishing trips.

Cozy winter nights spent lying by the fire.

Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand.

Rub me the right way and watch me respond.

I'll be at the front door when you get home from
work, wearing only what nature gave me.

Kiss me and I'm yours.
Call 555-XXXX and ask for Daisy.

(The phone number was the Humane Society & Daisy was an eight week old
Black Labrador Retriever.)

[J.J.]

Spring time story

Two robins were sitting in a tree. "I'm really hungry", said the first one. "Me, too", said the second. "Let's fly down and find some lunch."

They flew to the ground and found a nice plot of plowed ground full of worms. They ate and ate and ate 'til they could eat no more. "I'm so full I don't think I can fly back up to the tree," said the first one.

"Me neither, let's just lay here and bask in the warm sun", said the second.

"OK", said the first.

They plopped down, basking in the sun. No sooner than they had fallen asleep, a big fat tomcat snuck up and gobbled them up. As he sat washing his face after his meal, he thought, "I love baskin' robins."

Actually said in court, taken down word for word by a court reporter.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

[J.J.]

> An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging
> > along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man,
> > "I need a urine sample, a stool sample, and a sperm sample."
> >
> > The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells, "WHAT?
> > What did he say? What's he want?" His wife yells back, "He needs your
> > underwear."
> >

[J.J.]

> Subject: MEN WILL BE MEN
>
>
> >

> > >A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides
>to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and
watches to
> > >see what they do with the money.
>The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty
salon,
gets her
> > >hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very
> > >nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more
>attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was
impressed.
> > >The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of
> > >golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive
clothes. As
>she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the
money on
> > >him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
>The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several
times the
>$5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder
in a joint
> > >account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future
because she
> > >loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
> > >The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with
the
> > >money, and then he married the one with the biggest boobs. Men are
Men.
> > >What did you expect?

[J.J.]

>George Bush:
>When you rearrange the letters: He bugs Gore
>
>Dormitory:
>When you rearrange the letters: Dirty Room
>
>The Morse Code:
>When you rearrange the letters: Here Come Dots
>
>Slot Machines:
>When you rearrange the letters: Cash Lost in em
>
>Animosity:
>When you rearrange the letters: Is No Amity
>
>Snooze Alarms:
>When you rearrange the letters: Alas! No More Z's
>
>A Decimal Point:
>When you rearrange the letters: I'm a Dot in Place
>
>The Earthquakes:
>When you rearrange the letters: That Queer Shake
>
>Eleven plus two:
>When you rearrange the letters: Twelve plus one
>
>And for the grand finale:
>PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA:
>It can be rearranged (With no letters left over, and using each letter only
>once) into:
> TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERN
>