Pulling The Trigger On Memories

Jabidas,
I feel for you.
I think Fljotsdale said it all in her first sentence of her earlier reply to you.

My own mother was extremely manipulative and downright mean.
Rather than being religious though, she was actually a practising witch who would beat her kids if they refused to go to church!
Talk about hypocrisy and good ways to screw with kids' heads!
My younger brother and I are the only two kids that ANYONE thinks has their heads together as compared to the rest that they will describe as "not playing with a full deck" "not all there all the time" and so on.
They are emotional basket cases and most of them are older than me.

She is still alive and I have come to the conclusion that she enjoys being evil.
I doubt, with all that she has put me through that I will weep over her when she dies. I know I'll feel relieved that she is finally gone home to hell even though I pity her for the choices she has made and love her as one of God's creatures.

Sometimes I wonder, with the luck I have had in trying to relate to her most of my life if I am cursed to have her outlive me. LOL. Probably so.

Don't stress thinking you have no good memories of your family...you have good memories period I am sure and they are all precious no matter who they are of.

I myself probably have more valuable memories of friends and teachers growing up than I do of most of my family members....read the above story about the Christmas decoration...that's how everyday life was with her and my siblings until I was seven years old...after that it gradually got worse, just without the beatings and I was not allowed to leave the house or the yard for the most part of the next 8 years.

Love, Hugs & Peace My Friend,

Moni

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[This message has been edited by Moni (edited 06-10-2001).]

[jabidas]

I walk through life with my eyes open and I take nothing for granted, I refuse to except convention, my thoughts although cold are clear. I may not be a normal person but I never wanted to be, dont worry about me I always get by. Something that has stuck with me is that if life was easy there wouldnt be much point.

I know some people think im screwed up but then there the ones with the small little lives unable to face the world as it is. I dont believe in a god but I dont want one either. I live as I think I should I have my own moral code and I dont enforce it on other people.

I dont really know what to write at this point except thanks for you support

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[Fljotsdale]

My mom seems like an angel compared to yours, Moni! And Jabids' grandmother also sounds appalling. I guess I should be grateful.

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[Fljotsdale]

Originally posted by jabidas: I dont really know what to write at this point except thanks for you support

We can't do much, Jabidas, 'cos we are not physically close to you, but I am sure you know we sort of look on each other here as extended 'family'. So we are pleased to offer support to each other.

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Originally posted by jabidas: I walk through life with my eyes open and I take nothing for granted, I refuse to except convention, my thoughts although cold are clear. I may not be a normal person but I never wanted to be, dont worry about me I always get by. Something that has stuck with me is that if life was easy there wouldnt be much point. I know some people think im screwed up but then there the ones with the small little lives unable to face the world as it is. I dont believe in a god but I dont want one either. I live as I think I should I have my own moral code and I dont enforce it on other people. I dont really know what to write at this point except thanks for you support

"Something that has stuck with me is that if life was easy there wouldnt be much point."

I like that and I agree.

You are fine the way you are!

Don't go thinking I am normal though LOL! Not by any means.
I am just luckier than most of my siblings in that I was able to get away from our mother able to think and do for myself and with moral standards that I think (my ) God is proud of.

Statistics have proven that most people imprisoned for violent crimes (murder and the like) come from backgrounds similar to my own. I am just one of the lucky ones in that respect. I doubt that society on a whole views me as any kind of normal though.

I am happy at least and I think that is what matters most.

The way you speak here makes me think you have a good head on your shoulders and are quite capable of carrying yourself through.

I shall "worry no more".

Just know that you have a friend in me if ever the need should arise.


Moni

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[This message has been edited by Moni (edited 06-08-2001).]

[jabidas]

Its been truly pleasant talking with both of you and its nice to have a conversation that means something.

You also have both made a friend tonight and if you ever need any help give me a call.

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Will do!
Thank you very much!

Hey I can finally see your sig! NICE!!!!


Moni

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[Lavindathar]

I'd just like to dedicated to my beloved Grandad,who died when I was 9/10.He was 58.He died of cancer, lung,and this was caused by smoking.Of course,when he started 40years ago,he didnt realise the dangers.

I never knew my Grandad had cancer.I was never told.Just late one nite we drove down to Manchester (we lived about 30miles away),and I slept at my other Grandad's whilst my Mum and Dad were away.

The next morning I got told about his passing.I was gutted.

I went to the funeral,it was my first.I remember watching everybody cry.But I couldn't.I didn't understand the consequences really.I was too young.But know I understand, and I am very grateful for him being part of my life,and being my Grandad.

I love you and will never forget you,ever.

Terrence Kirk

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[Fljotsdale]

Thanks, Jabidas! And likewise.

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[Larry_OHF]

I would like to contribute to this page. I seem to have a problem with my feelings when a loved one passes away, because I have an ability to distance myself from the pain. I am angered at myself that I do this, though...because I have had problems with people thinking that I did not care for the passing of this or that person.
I lost my "Paw-Paw"(grand father) when I was three to cancer. OK, I was too small then to know anything. The next (that matters) was my "Mom-maw"(grand-mother, wife of previously deseased), just one year ago, also to cancer. At the funeral, I received the wicked comment, "Well you was not very close to her, anyway...".
That bothered me, because of course I was close to her. She took care of me every Saturday-Sunday of my entire life!
Next was my Great-Grand Mother.."Mama-Gee". She died after being a rotting corpse in a bed for 4 years. She was 99yr. old.(Half-blood, Cherokee).
Well, I have never shed a tear in their passing, ever. WHY the Hell Not!!!!!!!!!
My big concern is that my Mom is the next on the list.
You name it, she's got it...Bone cancer, Disentegrating cartelige in her neck, some sort of Artheritis that is severe, and recently contracted "Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever", a disease contracted by being bit by an infected tick. It usually is deadly, if not taken care of soon, and usually leaves the perosn open to contracting such things as pnuemonia. My problem is that I am afraid that I cannot show anyone how much I will miss her.
Yet, I know that the only person that ever would send me over-board would be my wife. Example...I had a bad feeling that something would go wrong at the hospital upon delivery of my first baby. When I am under pressure, I usually do not take the rational approach to things. I can become pretty violent. When I got to the hospital that night at 11:00pm, I knew that for everybody's sake, I needed my friend there, who would be the only one I knew of strong enough to keep me from killing any doctor that my delusional mind might pick as the one responsible for any accidents that may happen. He understood my worry, and stayed there with me until the baby was born, and everything with my wife was ok. He of course had to miss work the next day.
I have had dreams where bad things happen to alot of people I know, but I only feel the pain when it is my wife that is hurt. I am sure that I would be ruined, not much worth to anybody after that.
I may be suicidal.
But who knows how we will react when the time comes...
Sorry, I took this a bit off-topic, but I wanted to share everything I view, with those living, as well as the passed-on.

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