10-21-2003, 07:15 PM | #1 |
Ra
Join Date: May 19, 2002
Location: The US of A
Age: 36
Posts: 2,365
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Post your jokes here!! And try to keep it clean the moderators like it that way.
Carpet A guy (we'll call him Aaron) was laying down carpet in some woman's home. As he was finishing, he got a craving for a cigarette. Aaron looked around and discovered that his cigarettes were missing. He did, however, notice a bump in the carpet, and figured that he had laid carpet over the pack without noticing it there. Aaron decided rather than to take up the carpet, he would get a hammer and pound it into the ground so no one would know. When he finished that, the owner of the house walked into the room and commented on what a nice job he had done. ''Aaron, The carpet lookes wonderful!'' she exclaimed. ''Here are your cigarettes; I found them in the kitchen. Oh yes, and by the way, have you seen my gerbil?''
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10-21-2003, 07:16 PM | #2 |
Ra
Join Date: May 19, 2002
Location: The US of A
Age: 36
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Lem: ''I got fired from my job as a bank guard.''
Clem: ''That's awful. What happened?'' Lem: ''Well a thief came in to rob a bank. I drew my gun. I told him that if he took one more step, I'd let him have it.'' Clem: ''What did thief do then?'' Lem: ''He took one more step so I let him have it. I didn't want that stupid gun anyhow!''
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Slythe is back! Back again! Haha! <br /><br />[url]\"http://imageshack.us\" target=\"_blank\"> [img]\"http://img472.imageshack.us/img472/9928/130blood4ts.jpg\" alt=\" - \" /></a> |
10-21-2003, 07:18 PM | #3 |
Ma'at - Goddess of Truth & Justice
Join Date: June 3, 2003
Location: New York
Age: 39
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those are great [img]smile.gif[/img]
Anyway, do they have to be jokes that you made up, or can you get them from elsewhere?
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"You're a thief and a liar." "No, I only lied about being a thief." |
10-21-2003, 07:19 PM | #4 |
Ra
Join Date: May 19, 2002
Location: The US of A
Age: 36
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Helisoft
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER." The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it. "I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."
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10-21-2003, 07:23 PM | #5 | |
Ra
Join Date: May 19, 2002
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Quote:
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Slythe is back! Back again! Haha! <br /><br />[url]\"http://imageshack.us\" target=\"_blank\"> [img]\"http://img472.imageshack.us/img472/9928/130blood4ts.jpg\" alt=\" - \" /></a> |
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10-21-2003, 07:34 PM | #6 |
Ma'at - Goddess of Truth & Justice
Join Date: June 3, 2003
Location: New York
Age: 39
Posts: 3,302
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Four women go to a doctor, each with a son or a daughter of theirs.
The doctor says, "Now, you are all here because you have certain obsessions that you need to realize. So the doctor turns to the first woman and says, "You're so obsessed with money that you named your daughter Penny." He turns to the second woman and says, "You're so obsessed with food that you named your son Crescant (okay, that's not exactly what he says there, but that's good enough)." The doctor looked at the third woman, and said, "You're so obsessed with tools that you named your son Jack Hammer." Before the daughter can talk to the last woman about her obsession, she turns to her son and says, "Come on Dick, I don't even want to hear what this man has to say."
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"You're a thief and a liar." "No, I only lied about being a thief." |
10-21-2003, 07:35 PM | #7 |
Iron Throne Cult
Join Date: January 2, 2003
Location: Big Castle in the Sky
Age: 37
Posts: 4,835
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Never Judge a Book by it's Author
--------------------------------------------------- Is O. J. Guilty?..............Howard I. Know Animal Illnesses............. Ann Thrax French Overpopulation.........Francis Crowded Fallen Underwear .............Lucy Lastic Downpour! ....................Wayne Dwops Cloning ......................Ima Dubble Irish Flooring ...............Lynn O'Leum I Lived in Detroit ...........Helen Earth Inflammation, Please .........Arthur Itis Handel's Messiah .............Ollie Luyah House Construction ...........Bill Jerome Home Unemployed ...................Anita Job Off to Market ................Tobias A. Pigg Holmes Does it Again .........Scott Linyard Home Alone IV ................Eddie Buddyhome Lewis Carroll ................Alison Wonderland Leo Tolstoy ..................Warren Peace The L. A. Lakers Breakfast ...Kareem O' Wheat Neither a Borrower ...........Nora Lender Bee The French Chef ..............Sue Flay Tight Situation ..............Leah Tard The Scent of a Man ...........Jim Nasium Why Cars Stop ................M. T. Tank Wind in the Willows ..........Russell Ingleaves Look Younger .................Fay Slift Mountain Climbing ............Andover Hand It's Springtime! .............Theresa Green No! ..........................Kurt Reply And Shut Up! .................Sid Downe |
10-21-2003, 08:02 PM | #8 | |
Takhisis Follower
Join Date: April 30, 2001
Location: szép Magyarország (well not right now)
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Quote:
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Too set in his ways to ever relate If he could set that aside, there'd be heaven to pay But weathered and aged, time swept him to grave Love conquers all? Damn, I'd say that area's gray |
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10-21-2003, 08:36 PM | #9 |
Ra
Join Date: May 19, 2002
Location: The US of A
Age: 36
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This is one I just made up. It's a Harry Potter: Chamber of Secrets joke.
You are so ugly you petrified the Basilisk! Think that one was good?
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10-21-2003, 09:11 PM | #10 | |
Ma'at - Goddess of Truth & Justice
Join Date: June 3, 2003
Location: New York
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Quote:
Wait, getting stoned? Not bad at all [img]graemlins/cheers.gif[/img]
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