Speaking Well. Grammar Lesson.

[Charean]

TALK GOOD 10 Useful Hints for Everyday Grammar
by Sean Nelson

If you're a product of the American public school system and are reading this newspaper without difficulty, congratulations: You're one of the lucky ones. Even if you have successfully run the gauntlet of mediocrity and social engineering that U.S. education represents, chances are you have been given little instruction in the finer points of grammar. But don't worry (not that you would). You're not alone.

As educational standards wither and literacy rates plunge, and as television and tabloid journalism cement themselves as our common tongue, it's not surprising that the pleasure of being well-spoken has become about as popular as vaudeville. Now, I'm not such a language snob that I can't appreciate the art of grammatical violation--in fact, it's practically my job. But the rules of grammar form the foundation of intelligent human interaction. And spelling counts.

I'm all for bending and breaking those rules in the interest of expression, but only when there's a reason, and plain ignorance is never a very good reason.

The following is a list of 10 of the most common crimes against grammar, and tips to help you avoid committing them. I can't cite chapter and verse from Strunk & White. But you don't have to be a grammarian to be aggravated by seeing and hearing mistakes like these perpetrated by people who should know better.... So forgive me for a moment while I get my Safire on. (If you get that joke, feel free to stop reading.)

1
It's vs. Its: This one is simple, even though it represents an exception to the rules of possessive apostrophe (see next tip)."It's" means "it is" (as in, "It is cold," "It is time to clean the bong," or "It is not that I don't like you, I'm just not attracted to you"), and sometimes "it has" (as in, "It has come to this," or "It has been a long time since I read an article by such a snob"). Meanwhile, "its" means "belonging to it"--as in, "The bear wiped its ass on the rabbit," or "This article is certainly taking its time to come to the point."

2
Apostrophes: I don't have time to get into the whole world of apostrophes.The important thing to remember is this: Apostrophes NEVER make a word plural, they usually make it possessive (i.e., "Fred's" = belonging to Fred; "Freds" = a roomful of dudes named Fred). All you need to do to make something plural (generally) is add an "s" to the end. I wouldn't mention this at all, but I have seen approximately 4.7 billion signs that add unnecessary apostrophes to advertise "apple's," or "auto's" or "egg's," and it always makes me want to kill someone.

3
I'm well vs. I'm good: Tricky territory, because of the nature of the verb "to be."There's nothing technically wrong with answering, "I'm well," when asked "How are you?" since "well" in this context is an adjective that generally means "not sick." It's just that "well" is also an adverb that modifies "am," and not "I" (which sort of makes the question "how do you am?"--which in turn makes no g******n sense). The adjective "good" does describe "I," which seems much more to the point of the question. But "good" can feel wrong to folks with painful memories of being corrected by their grandmothers (see also: Me and I). May I suggest "I am fine"? There's no absolute here, but it's probably better to save "well" for when someone asks you how you are doing.

4
Literally: I once saw Bill Clinton give a speech to the Democratic Leadership Council. It was 1998, in the heat of the Lewinsky scandal, and I couldn't make up my mind about what the President deserved. Then I heard him say, "The changes implemented by the DLC are literally sweeping the globe." I jumped to my feet and yelled at the television, "Wrong on two counts. Impeach the bastard!" The changes weren't actually sweeping the globe, and even if it were technically possible for "changes" to lift a broom, there's no such thing as "literally sweeping the globe." Literally is a perfect word in this sense, because it is self-defining. Don't **** with it.

5
Me and I: More and more people seem to be abusing the "I" lately, probably as another result of repeated correction during childhood."That's between my girlfriend and I" sounds correct to certain ears, but those ears are clogged with foolish misconceptions. "That's between my girlfriend and me" is correct. The rules here are clunky and hard to remember, so here's a simple trick: Before you speak, remove the other party from the sentence. Would you say "that's between I"? Not unless you were from Jamaica. It works the other way around as well: "My dad and me went to the Promise Keepers convention and testified to the glory of the lord." Would you say "Me went to the Promise Keepers convention"? Not unless you were stupid. Then again, even if you said, "I went to the Promise Keepers," chances are you're stupid anyway. Stupid Promise Keepers.

6
You're vs. Your: "You're" means "you are," as in "You are sexy," "You are a liar," or "You are probably going to hate me, but I just cheated on you (again)." "Your" means "belonging to you," as in "Your friend is really cute," "Your diary was hilarious," or "Keep your laws off of my body."There is no wiggle room here. If you write "Your welcome," you're wrong.

7
They're, There, Their: A lot of people still can't get this right, which is, you know, sad."They're" means "they are," as in "They are old enough to be expected to know how to spell." "There" means "there," like "Over there," "There, there," "There you go," "There's no reason for not knowing how to tell one there from another," and so on. "Their" means "belonging to them," as in "Their grammar is an embarrassment," or "Their teachers have failed them."

8
Who and Whom: This is a killer, but there is a shorthand way to remember which one goes where.The code: "who = he/she" and "whom = him/her." That is to say that the answer to the question provides the telltale clue. So, with "Who is that?" "He" is that. "With whom did you get high?" I got high with her. It can be a bit of a hassle sometimes (not to mention the stodginess factor), but you never know whom you'll have to impress.

9
Split Infinitives: Contrary to what you may have been told, the splitting of infinitives with adverbs (as in "to boldly go") is not only acceptable--unless you're translating Latin--but often preferable.That doesn't mean you should always do it--"to boldly go" was a poor example; it should be "to go boldly" (or baldly, since it was William Shatner)--but usually, it's all right. And sometimes it's more right.

10
Prepositions at the End of a Sentence: Technically, you're not supposed to end a sentence with a preposition, but generally, the only people who really care about this rule are too uptight to recognize that "What did you come up with?" is always better than "Up with what did you come?"Generally speaking, it varies from case to case. There is, however, one inviolable law: NEVER NEVER NEVER ask someone where something is at.

http://www.thestranger.com/2002-09-26/ex9.html

For those that are interested...

William Safire's Rules for Writers:

• Remember to never split an infinitive.
• The passive voice should never be used.
• Do not put statements in the negative form.
• Verbs have to agree with their subjects.
• Proofread carefully to see if you words out.
• If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be by rereading and editing.
• A writer must not shift your point of view.
• And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. (Remember, too, a preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.)
• Don't overuse exclamation marks!!
• Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.
• Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
• If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
• Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.
• Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
• Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.
• Always pick on the correct idiom.
• The adverb always follows the verb.
• Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; seek viable alternatives.

[ 11-19-2002, 01:47 PM: Message edited by: Charean ]

[realbinky]

The speaking and writing of today, does indeed frighten me. Especialy misused There/Their/They're. Here is an excellent source I had found in the past. I read parts now and then to improve my writing and speaking. Though I may still ask where it's at [img]smile.gif[/img]

[Sazerac]

He didn't mention it, but "to" vs. "too"....ooh, now that gets me cracking when I see someone write, "I want to come along, to". "Too" means "also" or "as well", "to" is a direction towards or the first part of a verb infinitive form.

-Sazerac

[Redblueflare]

Yes someone had to tell me about the too vs to thing before I actually caught on. He also left out commas vs semicolons. [img]tongue.gif[/img]

[Lord Starshadow]

Oh, the annoyance factor of those 10 things, even though the whole who vs. whom thing is starting to shift to the point where whom is being dropped completely, which is fine with me because it's slaughtered by most everyone.

Saz, I agree with you, the abuse of to and too is awful. Sometimes, it's just a mental mistake (sometimes I think I pressed 'o' twice but only oe time registered), but many times, it's just wrong.

*sigh* The poor English language.

edit: Red, I don't think many people know what a semicolon is let alone how to use it.

[ 11-19-2002, 01:55 PM: Message edited by: Lord Starshadow ]

Originally posted by Lord Starshadow: Oh, the annoyance factor of those 10 things, even though the whole who vs. whom thing is starting to shift to the point where whom is being dropped completely, which is fine with me because it's slaughtered by most everyone. Saz, I agree with you, the abuse of to and too is awful. Sometimes, it's just a mental mistake (sometimes I think I pressed 'o' twice but only oe time registered), but many times, it's just wrong. *sigh* The poor English language. edit: Red, I don't think many people know what a semicolon is let alone how to use it.

Semi Colon: That person who has had part of his colon removed.

[Azred]

Don't forget how most people misuse "only".
Incorrect: I only had one slice of pizza last night.
Correct: I had only one slice of pizza last night.

You should see the looks I get sometimes when I restructure sentences so as to avoid ending sentences with prepositions. It's like they cannot figure out exactly what I am saying. [img]graemlins/laugh3.gif[/img]

*sigh* The war against improper grammar is most likely doomed to fail.

[Sazerac]

Originally posted by Azred: Don't forget how most people misuse "only". Incorrect: I only had one slice of pizza last night. Correct: I had only one slice of pizza last night. You should see the looks I get sometimes when I restructure sentences so as to avoid ending sentences with prepositions. It's like they cannot figure out exactly what I am saying. [img]graemlins/laugh3.gif[/img] *sigh* The war against improper grammar is most likely doomed to fail.

And thus the language will evolve to allow the new way of speaking. Personally, I could give a hootenanny about not ending sentences with a preposition. As long as the preposition isn't dangling and I can understand the intent, I'm fine with it.

Semicolons are used to join two independent clauses. Ex: "I have a dog; his name is Rover." Each one of those two clauses could stand alone as a separate sentence, although there will be those who argue that you should simplify it to "I have a dog named Rover." However, using a comma in the first sentence would be considered improper punctuation.

-Sazerac

[Melusine]

I had to stop worrying about stuff like this because its just to common... kidding! [img]tongue.gif[/img]
But mistakes like these are just too common online, so I stopped getting worked up over them
I do think it looks pretty stupid if a native speaker can't even spell properly or use grammar correctly... it does make for a bad first impression. And even non-native speakers could at least try, some of them very blatantly don't. But that's their problem, and it's so widespread I read through it most of the time

On it's vs its:
http://angryflower.com/bobsqu.gif

[ 11-19-2002, 02:57 PM: Message edited by: Melusine ]

[Attalus]

Originally posted by Charean: Remember to never split infinitives.

[Sir Winston Churchill] once received a memo containing a sentence tortuously reworded to avoid a split infinitive. He scrawled in the margin, "This is nonsense up with which I woill not put." -William Manchester, The Last Lion