Things actually said in court (inspired by 250's Lawyer Joke thread)

[Sazerac]

These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place:
__________________________________________________ _________
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
__________________________________________________ ___________
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
__________________________________________________ _________
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
__________________________________________________ __________
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
__________________________________________________ __________
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
__________________________________________________ __________
Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
__________________________________________________ _________
Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
__________________________________________________ _________
Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
__________________________________________________ _________
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo
or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
__________________________________________________ ______
Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?
__________________________________________________ ___
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice, which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
__________________________________________________ ________
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
__________________________________________________ ________
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
__________________________________________________ ________
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy.
__________________________________________________ ________
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.




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[Sharpedge]

LOL... Oh my word! Some of these are priceless!

Originally posted by Sazerac: Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

ROFL

I'm gonna have to go and find a box of tissues... my eyes are streaming...

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"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure."

[250]

LOL

all you answers must be Oral, ok? so what school did you go to?
Oral.

LOL ROFLMAO!!!

[Fljotsdale]

I've seen some of 'em before, but they are well worth reading again! *giggles*

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[Larry_OHF]

My favorite...

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

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Devoted member of the Ironworks
Third member of the OHF
Member of the Ancients' club
Faith beset in The Rocks
(they show the way, you know...)

[Yorick]

LOL!

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I am the walrus!.... er, no hang on....

A fair dinkum laughing Hyena!

[Kaz]

LOL, LOL, ROFL!!!
"Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
-All my autopsies are performed on dead people"
The poor reporters, they had to keep a straight face during all that!

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I am the great Kazara

[Ladyzekke]

Hilarious! This one was my favorite:
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo
or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.



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[Yorick]

Originally posted by ladyzekke: Hilarious! This one was my favorite: Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult? A: We both do. Q: Voodoo? A: We do. Q: You do? A: Yes, voodoo.

Sounds like it's from "The Labrynth" with David Bowie



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I am the walrus!.... er, no hang on....

A fair dinkum laughing Hyena!

[domingo]

Lol, I haven't laughed that hard in ages ... especially at that last one, thats some great stuff.

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:neo1: You can only call someone something so many times before they become that which you did not wish them to be!
Bad things happen to bad people!