Jokes. PG-13

[Hivetyrant]

Another joke(s) by:HiveTyrant

Tickle me elmo

A new employee is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory. The
personnel manager explains her duties, and tells her to report to
work promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45AM, there's a knock at the personnel
manager's door. The assembly line foreman comes in and starts
ranting about this new employee.

He says she's incredibly slow, and the whole line is backing up.
The foreman takes the personnel manager down to the factory floor
to show him the problem.

Sure enough, Elmos are backed up all over the place. At the end
of the line is the new employee. She has a roll of the material
used for the Elmos and a big bag of marbles. They both watch as
she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles,
and starts sewing the little package between Elmo's legs.

The personnel manager starts laughing hysterically. After several
minutes, he pulls himself together, walks over to the woman, and
says, "I'm sorry, I guess you misunderstood me yesterday. Your
job is to give Elmo two test tickles."

------------------------------------------------------------------
Prove it...

This guy goes to a grocery store and asks the clerk behind the
counter for two cans of dog food.

"Do you have a dog?" asked the clerk.

"Yes I do!" replied the puzzled customer.

"I'm sorry sir" said the clerk "but you're going to have prove to
me that you have a dog before I can sell you dog food."

Back home went the frustrated customer to get his dog and pulled
it on its leash all the way back to the store.

"Here's my dog!" wheezed the tired customer.

"Thank you sir, here is your two cans of dog food."

Two days later the guy returns to the same store and goes up to
the same clerk and says:

"Two cans of cat food please."

"Do you have a cat sir?"

"Of course I do!" said the exasperated customer.

"I'm sorry sir, but I have to see your cat before I can sell you
cat food."

The guy storms out of the store, goes home, grabs his cat, drags
it back to the store and holds up the cat by it's tail for the
clerk to see.

"Thank you sir, here is your two cans of cat food."

The very next day. The guy returns to the store, approaches the
clerk and places on the counter a white shoebox with a small hole
on the cover.

"Yes sir", asked the clerk, "what can I do for you?"

"Put your finger in the hole" ordered the customer.

"I beg your pardon?" said the clerk.

"Do as I say!" ordered the guy.

Cautiously the clerk slid his finger all the way in the hole.

"Pull it out and tell me what it looks like!" said the guy.

Said the disgusted clerk, ""It looks like ..." To which the
customer replied "THAT'S RIGHT!!, Now give me two rolls of toilet
paper!"

[ 01-08-2003, 08:16 AM: Message edited by: Hivetyrant ]

[Sio]

LMAO good stuff!

[9_1_6]

That got me laughing.. [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img]

[Yanez]

Oh, yeah! The second one made my day at work a lot brighter.

[edin gal]

Brilliant, What more can I say.

[T/-/alali]

LOL one of the funniest things I've heard in a long time.