Chapter 1 of a novel I'm making

[Sir Goulum]

I would like some help in making a title cuz i don't have one yet. Also tell me what you think so far. Thanks!

Chapter 1

Triant look uneasy as he entered the city gates of the famed city of Altcar. It’s well known as ‘The City of Peace’, but has also over the years gained quite a reputation of being ‘The City of Thievery’. According to rumors heard from the Province of Helka, Triant knows that the thieves mostly take on visitors to the city; they are less aware of people around them as residents are. Nevertheless, Triant journeyed forth through the marble arch that marks the entrance to Altcar. He gazed at the beautiful shimmer it created as light shines on it.
“It was shipped here from across the seas you know,” said a man behind him. As he said it, Triant jumped. He was getting worried of pick pocketers.
“Oh, uh, yes. That's quite interesting. Where might I ask, did they come from across the seas?” Triant asked, still a little shaken from his surprise. “And what might your name be dear sir?”
The man had glistening armor that seemed to radiate heat from it. It looked of gold, although Triant knew it mustn’t have been; an armor of that sort would be priceless. He seemed to be caught into it and couldn’t pull his eyes away from it. Through all of his experience, he had never seen such beautiful armor, nor any that seemed so magical. Triant didn’t believe in magic himself, it was probably because no one in his small province had any magical powers or was taught magic. There were no schools for magic there, and the young adolescents who wished to learn wizardry, must travel great distances, and in some cases across the Great Sea to be taught. Most of the time, unfortunately, the students never pass.
“They came from the...hello? Are you even listening to me?” said the mysterious man, obviously annoyed. Triant had been so deep in thought, that he hardly even heard the man try and answer him.
“Sorry, I was lost in thought for a minute there. Please, continue,” Triant replied.
“As you wish. The marble is from the Elves in Cildanser. It was shipped here as a present to us for creating this Capital City. My name is Sir Ryan Talgin. My duty is to watch the gates for any suspected thieves trying to enter or leave the city. There is enough crime as it is here,” he said. He looked somewhat suspiciously at Triant for a moment. “Hopefully, for your sake, you are not a thief.”
“Just a humble traveler seeing new places, Sir Talgin. Well, I must be off. It is getting dark and I must find a place to retire for the night. It was nice meeting you.”
“It was nice meeting you too...what was your name again?” Sir Talgin asked.
“Triant. The name is Triant. Good night!” He replied as he jogged away in search of an inn. He took one quick look back at at where Sir Talgin was, but he was gone. Triant stopped to survey where Talgin was, but he was nowhere in sight. Triant shrugged his shoulders and assumed that he merely ran off to catch someone pick pocketing a poor victim. As Triant neared a jolly looking inn, he stared into the sunset. The sun was dipping down into the bluffs gracefully and slowly. Judging by the season, and the suns location, Triant assumed it was nearly 8:00 in the evening. The hotel neared and, etched on the wooden sign was gracefully written:

The Stampeding Horse Inn
Open from sunrise to sunset,
every day

Triant surveyed the outside of the place. It was quite tall, possibly 40 feet in height. The wood was quite run down looking, and some of the lower story windows were shattered or cracked. As old and rundown as it looks, it was still a nice place overall, and Triant liked the more beat up places. They didn’t attract as many pick pocketers as the ritzy inns did. As he stepped inside, the decor amazed him. It had marble counter tops with a silver binding around the edges of them. Triant assumed that, despite the poor appearance, this place was rich. Never judge a book by its cover has a new meaning thought Triant. He was abruptly shoved out of the doorway by a large man. Triant didn’t want to get into a fight so he swiftly stepped out of the way. Slowly he made his way to the counter to order a room. He hoped that they wouldn’t cost much as he was very low on money at the moment. People stared at his attire as if he were a bum walking into a palace. He almost was, but Triant didn’t mind because he was used to it.
“Pardon me, sir,” Triant tried to get the barkeeper’s attention. “I’d like to rent a room for the night if that is possible.”
Laughter erupted as people thought he was just trying to beg for a room. Triant didn’t mind; he almost enjoyed the attention.
“Well, Sir, do you have any money?” The barkeeper replied almost mockingly.
“Why yes I do. And might I ask what your name is?” He politely asked the barkeeper. The barkeep was almost stunned at Triants politeness. It was as if the barkeeper had never been talked to politely.
“My name is Bippy, but around here I’m known as the Lord of Alcohol. If you want to rent a room, you need 10 pieces of gold for the middle class room,” Bippy replied, he was somewhat more polite now. Possibly because of Triants politeness and lack of hostility; many others in the crammed room seemed to be hostile.
“Here Bippy. I’ll give you 15 gold pieces, it’ll help you to renovate the outside. It could use the work,” Triant joked as he handed Bippy the money.
“Ah, young man, there is no need. I keep it ram shackled for a reason: it creates less thievery around my entrance, and therefore more people have money to rent rooms. Its a fairly good system I might say so myself,” Bippy replied. He seemed quite serious, and at the same time proud of his place. Triant suspected that it must have taken years to save enough money just to buy the marble counter tops.
“Well, its what brought me here. I usually never head towards the ritzy looking places, for that very reason: far too much robbery,” Triant said. He was eying the menu for beers and wines. It had been many hours since he had any food or drink, and was practically starving.
“I certainly hope that my humble establishments look will not cause you to leave and search for a new place to rest for the night. I would be very disappointed,” Bippy suddenly queried. It seemed that he hasn’t had many people sleep here. For what reason, Triant can’t fathom.
“Why no-no, Bippy. I am tired and must rest. But first I would like to have a drink. Could you please get 1 pint of Beer-Belly Ale?” Triant, polite as usual, asked. He was tired. It had been days since he got a good nights sleep, and months since he had been on a bed. His constant travel either led him to be on the ground, or on a bed that had no mattress, or even a comfortable one.he was looking forward to this well deserved rest.
“As you wish. Your room is on the second floor, third one to your right. Available to you whenever you decide to retire. Oh and 1 pint of Beer-Belly Ale, coming right up!” Bippy was quite enthusiastic, since Triant decided to spend the night here.
Bippy got Triants drink quite quickly, and Triant found a secluded corner to sit down and sip on his Ale. By now, people were herding out of the inn by the masses. It was like a migration of birds. There never seemed to be an end until, finally, there was just Triant, Bippy, and a shaggy man sitting at a barstool. For some reason, Bippy seemed to try and avoid that area where the man was. Triant slowly walked over to him and suddenly found out, to his surprise, that the man was not a man at all. It was a woman! As Triant shuffled closer, the lady spun around on her stool and whipped out a dagger. She gazed at Triant, and eventually put the dagger down and concealed it again under her cloak.
“Sorry son. I get a lot of people try to rob me on these streets. Sit down. You look of the adventurous type! Oh and my name is Zidane. Lady Zidane. And you are?” Zidane said. She appeared to be telling the truth, and Triant believed her. This city is the City of Thievery.
“Ok, ma’am. You were correct, I, Triant, is an adventurer. Do you require any sort of service? Money would be the only payment that I would accept,” Triant replied, still somewhat concerned about whether or not she’ll just eventually kill him or not.
“Hush! Evil voices are near, and I can feel their presence. Come, we must discuss this in my room. Quickly, follow me!” Zidane replied, barely even making a sound. They hurriedly rushed upstairs, to the top floor, barely making a sound. As soon as they made it to her room, Lady Zidane blocked all entrances into the room. Either it was to ensure that no one was entering the room, to make no one leave, or possibly, both.

[dizzy]

neat Gol. keep up the cool work.

Nice story.

A few gramatical errors but I don't know if English is your first language so it may not be as bad as it could be.

Sorry if that sounded critical but you did ask [img]smile.gif[/img]

[ 06-13-2002, 08:47 AM: Message edited by: MagiK ]

[SomeGuy]

oooh good story!!!!!!I like it!I really liked the part when hey said "flank stake". Wait........Maybe that was another story......

Good going Sir Goulum!!!

I hope you stick to writing, because it's a fantastic way to release normally-hindered imagination. I write sometimes, but I am under no delusion that it is worthy of publishing. It's just for my own enjoyment.

Anyway, please post Chapter 2 as I want to know what Lady Zidane has to say!!!

Aviendha.