Groan

Arvon · 02-13-2002, 11:57 AM

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."

Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.

The frog says $30,000. The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager. Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against a loan.

She asks if he has anything that he can use as collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall. Bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says: "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?" . . . .

The bank manager looks back at her and says: "Its a knick knack, Patti Whack, Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone!"

Staralfur · 02-13-2002, 12:15 PM

[img]graemlins/jawdrop.gif[/img]

How about this one? I guarantee it isn't worth it.

Warning!!! This joke is probably dangerous to your health

There once was a 10 year old boy named Mike who lived on his father's farm. The boy's biggest joy was tractors. He loved them. He adored them. In fact, without any exaggeration, they were his meaning for living. His roomed was decorated with tractor posters, he made tractor models and he took the greatest of joy in washing his father's tractors.

One day he came home from school and his father announced that he had decided it was time to buy a new tractor for the farm, and that consequently he would be going to the National Exhibition Centre (the “NEC”) in Birmingham that weekend to pick one out. At this Mike went into tractor overdrive and started to beg his father to take him with him. Eventually his father relented and said "OK, you can come, but only if you finish all your homework and chores for the weekend on Friday night.

Friday night came round and little Mike rushed home from school and sat down to his homework. 30 minutes later (well he was only 10) he was at the kitchen sink doing the washing up and then it was out into the farmyard to wash the tractor. As he rubbed away he thought to himself "this is the last time I do this one, we'll have a new one next week". By 8 o'clock he was finished and it was time for his bath and then to bed.

Saturday morning, 7 o'clock. Mike jumped out of bed and ran downstairs and out to the yard where his father was getting the car ready. Having remembered that he had no clothes on, he ran back into the house, up to his room , got dressed and then ran back down again. Mike's father rebuked him, saying "You're having breakfast before you go" . So after breakfast it was into the car and off to the NEC.

All the way there Mike was looking out of the car window, trying to spot as many type of tractor as he could, much to his father's annoyance. "Will you be still for 1 hour?" A shrimp stood a better chance of surviving in a supernova. Eventually they arrived at the NEC and Mike's dad parked the car.

"Can I have a look around on my own" pleaded Mike. "You must be joking " retorted his father. However, as is the way with small children and some parents, one major tantrum later Mike was wandering around the NEC while his father picked out a new tractor.

The first stand that Mike came to was British and it had a wonderful big red tractor on it. Mike let out a little squeak of joy and jumped in the cab. There were all the usual knobs and dials, but in addition there was a stereo radio cassette. Now to Mike this was a major improvement on the tractor on his father's farm and for several minutes he was having great fun. Then the salesman arrived. "So what do you think of this model, Sir?" Well Mike was well enamoured and communicated this to the salesman in no uncertain terms. "Would you like to purchase this model Sir?" Mike thought about this and said "well I only get £2 pocket money per week will that cover it mister?" The salesman gainfully fought off a heart attack and screamed "Get out of my tractor you little %*&$@#&%" which naturally upset Mike a little bit. However he quickly recovered and headed for the next stand.

The next stand that Mike came to was German and it had a wonderful big yellow tractor on it. Mike let out a slightly louder squeak of joy and jumped in the cab. There were the same knobs and dials and stereo radio cassette, but also wash wipers on all the windows and a CD player attached to the radio cassette. Now to Mike this was a major improvement on the British tractor and for several minutes he was having great fun. Then the salesman arrived. "So what do you think of this model, Sir?" Well Mike was greatly impressed and communicated this to the salesman in no uncertain terms. "Would you like to purchase this model Sir?" Mike thought about this and said "well I only get £2 pocket money per week will that cover it mister?" The salesman gainfully fought off a heart attack and a stroke and screamed "Get out of my tractor you little %*&$@#&%" which naturally upset Mike again. However he recovered and headed for the next stand.

The next stand that Mike came to was American and it had a wonderful big blue tractor on it. Mike let out a loud scream of joy and jumped in the cab. There were the same knobs and dials, stereo radio cassette with CD and wash wipers on all the windows, but in this tractor there was also a microwave oven and a small TV. Now to Mike this was a major improvement on the German tractor and for 25 minutes he had a wonderful time. Then the salesman arrived. "So what do you think of this model, Sir?" Well Mike was gob-smacked for a moment from the enormity of his joy, but he eventually communicated his joy to the salesman. "Would you like to purchase this model Sir?" Mike thought hard about his answer this time and then said "well I only get £2 pocket money per week will that cover it mister?" The salesman swallowed what must have been 2 gallons of phlegm and screamed "Get out of my tractor you little %*&$@#&%" which naturally upset Mike greatly. However he recovered with some difficulty and headed for the next stand.

The next stand that Mike came to was Japanese and it had a wonderful, enormous, golden tractor on it. Mike let out a very loud scream of joy which shattered several wine glasses in the near vicinity and jumped into the cab in a single bound. There were the same knobs and dials, stereo radio cassette with CD, wash wipers on all the windows and microwave oven, but this tractor had a widescreen TV with Nicam stereo sound and a small car attached to the back to take you home after a hard day in the fields. Now to Mike this was without doubt the most stupendous tractor he had ever seen and for a whole hour he played all over it. Eventually the salesman arrived. "So what do you think of this model, Sir?" Well Mike was naturally a little cautious about answering this question in light of what had happened so far and merely commented that it was "nice". The salesman realised that he was up against a hard dealer and asked "Would you like to purchase this model Sir?" Mike thought very hard about his answer this time and then said "well I only get £2 pocket money per week will that cover it mister?" The salesman leaped at Mike, dragged him from the cab and threw him of the stand screaming "Get out of here you little %*&$@#&%".

Now this time Mike was very upset. He ran around the NEC trying to find his father. When he did find him he ran up and was crying so much that his father decided they should go home. All the way home Mike lay on the back seat sniffling, not even bothering to look out of the window. When the car stopped in the farmyard Mike leaped from the car and ran upstairs to his bedroom. Pulling all the posters off the wall and collecting up all his models he ran back downstairs and out into the yard. Piling them all in the yard he set light to them. His parents just stood and watched. Then Mike announced "I'm off down to the pub" Now his parents realised that he wouldn't get into any trouble and let him go.

When Mike walked in to the pub he strolled nonchalantly up to the bar and asked for a pint of beer. Now this surprised the barman as not many 10 year old boys came in, but he gave him a pint of cold tea, knowing that Mike would never know the difference. As Mike sipped his "beer" he glanced around the bar and noticed how smoky it was.

Commenting on this, the barman replied that "the chimney blows back a bit and a lot of the customers smoke. Mike contemplated on this and then announced "I can get rid of all this smoke for you". The barman just laughed and said "go on then!".

Mike took a big breath, sucking in all the smoke, and walked outside where he exhaled it. Walking back into the bar, the barman muttered "how the $%&£*~@# did you do that?"

"Oh, it was easy . . . you see, I'm an extractor fan."

[ 02-13-2002: Message edited by: Staralfur ]

norompanlasolas · 02-13-2002, 12:25 PM

i cant believe you just made me read that star... [img]graemlins/1disgust.gif[/img]

[img]graemlins/laugh3.gif[/img] [img]tongue.gif[/img]

GEEK · 02-13-2002, 01:09 PM

That was painfull

Solomon · 02-13-2002, 01:16 PM

Well, you did say it wasn't worth it...

Barry the Sprout · 02-13-2002, 03:37 PM

quote:
Originally posted by Solomon:
Well, you did say it wasn't worth it...

Hardly consolation in the circumstances.

Sir Kenyth · 02-13-2002, 04:11 PM

AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[img]graemlins/crazyeyes.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/1dizzy.gif[/img]

The pain! The pain!

That's almost as bad as the "Pretty Pink Ping-Pong ball" joke I nearly throttled someone for some years back!

Staralfur · 02-13-2002, 05:45 PM

quote:
Originally posted by norompanlasolas:
i cant believe you just made me read that star... [img]graemlins/1disgust.gif[/img]

[img]graemlins/laugh3.gif[/img] [img]tongue.gif[/img]

quote:
Originally posted by GEEK:
That was painfull

quote:
Originally posted by Solomon:
Well, you did say it wasn't worth it...

quote:
Originally posted by Barry the Sprout:
Hardly consolation in the circumstances.

quote:
Originally posted by Sir Kenyth :
AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The pain! The pain!

That's almost as bad as the "Pretty Pink Ping-Pong ball" joke I nearly throttled someone for some years back!

I think I can call that a success.

(changed the warning now)

I know a couple more. I can post them if you like?

[img]graemlins/outtahere.gif[/img]
*running away from other IW posters in fear on my life*

Cerek the Barbaric · 02-13-2002, 05:58 PM

As long as we're doing "groaners", I may as well add my own.
Fair Warning: Its just as bad as the other two.

Bad luck had followed Howard throughout his life. He decided to take a walk in the desert one day to contemplate his lot in life. His bad luck remained true to form and he became hopelessly lost. He wandered for days, trying to find his way back, but to no avail. As he was wandering around, he suddenly came upon a huge Lever sticking out of the ground. He stared at it for a long time, trying to determine if it was real, or a mirage. It certainly felt solid enough when he touched it. Finally, figuring he had nothing to lose, he started to pull on it to see what would happen.

"WHOA..WHOA...WHOA....What do you think you're DOING?" said a voice from behind him. Howard turned around to see a snake raised up and looking him in the eye.

"Get your hand off that Lever right now!!!" said the snake. Howard was too shocked to do anything. Instead, he just stared at the snake.
"What does this Lever do?" he finally asked.
"That Lever is connected to a keystone located on the continental plate. You move it even an inch, and the entire North American continent will be split into several pieces. This will trigger a chain reaction of disasters that will eventually destroy ALL the continents and end life as we know it".
"OH....uh..sorry" said Howard, as he carefully took his hands off the Lever.
"Whew, that was close", said the snake. "By the way, my name's Nate. What's yours...and what are you doing out here?"
Howard told his story to Nate.
"I can help you get back to civilization," said Nate...and the two set off.
As they traveled they discussed the Lever. They agreed that people would probably pay money to see it, so they made plans to turn it into a tourist attraction.
Howard got a loan from the bank, built a road to the Lever, and set up a toll booth. Nate acted as the tour guide. Their venture became a smashing success and they both became rich.
Then one day, Bad Luck reared its head again.
Howard got to work a little late to discover several ambulances and emergency vehicles blocking the road. He quickly ran to the nearest ambulance to ask what happened.
"I'm afraid there's been a bad accident. Nate was run over by a car."
Howard was devastated. A policeman came up to him and said that the driver of the car wanted to talk to him. Howard agreed and the fellow approached him.
"I'm so sorry about your friend", said the man.
"What happened?" asked Howard.
"Well, I was driving towards the Lever when the sun got in my eyes. I got my visor down just in time to see that I had run off the road and was headed straight towards your friend. When I swerved to miss him, I was headed for the Lever, I swerved back and was headed for Nate again. I did my best to avoid an accident, but I realized that I was going to hit one or the other." The man said.
"So, in the end, I decided it was better Nate than Lever"

[ 02-13-2002: Message edited by: Cerek the Barbaric ]

Grojlach · 02-13-2002, 05:59 PM

quote:
Originally posted by Staralfur:

I think I can call that a success.
(changed the warning now)

I know a couple more. I can post them if you like?

[img]graemlins/outtahere.gif[/img]
*running away from other IW posters in fear on my life*

*Giving Staralfur's measures to a carpenter for the coffin Staralfur is going to need very soon*

[ 02-13-2002: Message edited by: Grojlach ]

02-13-2002, 11:57 AM	#1
Arvon Unicorn Join Date: October 4, 2001 Location: Kingdom of the West,..P.o. Cynagus Posts: 4,212	A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow. The frog says $30,000. The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager. Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against a loan. She asks if he has anything that he can use as collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall. Bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says: "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?" . . . . The bank manager looks back at her and says: "Its a knick knack, Patti Whack, Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone!" __________________ 53.7% of all statistics are made up

02-13-2002, 12:15 PM	#2
Staralfur Baaz Draconian Join Date: April 8, 2001 Location: Nottingham, UK Age: 44 Posts: 786	[img]graemlins/jawdrop.gif[/img] How about this one? I guarantee it isn't worth it. Warning!!! This joke is probably dangerous to your health There once was a 10 year old boy named Mike who lived on his father's farm. The boy's biggest joy was tractors. He loved them. He adored them. In fact, without any exaggeration, they were his meaning for living. His roomed was decorated with tractor posters, he made tractor models and he took the greatest of joy in washing his father's tractors. One day he came home from school and his father announced that he had decided it was time to buy a new tractor for the farm, and that consequently he would be going to the National Exhibition Centre (the “NEC”) in Birmingham that weekend to pick one out. At this Mike went into tractor overdrive and started to beg his father to take him with him. Eventually his father relented and said "OK, you can come, but only if you finish all your homework and chores for the weekend on Friday night. Friday night came round and little Mike rushed home from school and sat down to his homework. 30 minutes later (well he was only 10) he was at the kitchen sink doing the washing up and then it was out into the farmyard to wash the tractor. As he rubbed away he thought to himself "this is the last time I do this one, we'll have a new one next week". By 8 o'clock he was finished and it was time for his bath and then to bed. Saturday morning, 7 o'clock. Mike jumped out of bed and ran downstairs and out to the yard where his father was getting the car ready. Having remembered that he had no clothes on, he ran back into the house, up to his room , got dressed and then ran back down again. Mike's father rebuked him, saying "You're having breakfast before you go" . So after breakfast it was into the car and off to the NEC. All the way there Mike was looking out of the car window, trying to spot as many type of tractor as he could, much to his father's annoyance. "Will you be still for 1 hour?" A shrimp stood a better chance of surviving in a supernova. Eventually they arrived at the NEC and Mike's dad parked the car. "Can I have a look around on my own" pleaded Mike. "You must be joking " retorted his father. However, as is the way with small children and some parents, one major tantrum later Mike was wandering around the NEC while his father picked out a new tractor. The first stand that Mike came to was British and it had a wonderful big red tractor on it. Mike let out a little squeak of joy and jumped in the cab. There were all the usual knobs and dials, but in addition there was a stereo radio cassette. Now to Mike this was a major improvement on the tractor on his father's farm and for several minutes he was having great fun. Then the salesman arrived. "So what do you think of this model, Sir?" Well Mike was well enamoured and communicated this to the salesman in no uncertain terms. "Would you like to purchase this model Sir?" Mike thought about this and said "well I only get £2 pocket money per week will that cover it mister?" The salesman gainfully fought off a heart attack and screamed "Get out of my tractor you little %&$@#&%" which naturally upset Mike a little bit. However he quickly recovered and headed for the next stand. The next stand that Mike came to was German and it had a wonderful big yellow tractor on it. Mike let out a slightly louder squeak of joy and jumped in the cab. There were the same knobs and dials and stereo radio cassette, but also wash wipers on all the windows and a CD player attached to the radio cassette. Now to Mike this was a major improvement on the British tractor and for several minutes he was having great fun. Then the salesman arrived. "So what do you think of this model, Sir?" Well Mike was greatly impressed and communicated this to the salesman in no uncertain terms. "Would you like to purchase this model Sir?" Mike thought about this and said "well I only get £2 pocket money per week will that cover it mister?" The salesman gainfully fought off a heart attack and a stroke and screamed "Get out of my tractor you little %&$@#&%" which naturally upset Mike again. However he recovered and headed for the next stand. The next stand that Mike came to was American and it had a wonderful big blue tractor on it. Mike let out a loud scream of joy and jumped in the cab. There were the same knobs and dials, stereo radio cassette with CD and wash wipers on all the windows, but in this tractor there was also a microwave oven and a small TV. Now to Mike this was a major improvement on the German tractor and for 25 minutes he had a wonderful time. Then the salesman arrived. "So what do you think of this model, Sir?" Well Mike was gob-smacked for a moment from the enormity of his joy, but he eventually communicated his joy to the salesman. "Would you like to purchase this model Sir?" Mike thought hard about his answer this time and then said "well I only get £2 pocket money per week will that cover it mister?" The salesman swallowed what must have been 2 gallons of phlegm and screamed "Get out of my tractor you little %&$@#&%" which naturally upset Mike greatly. However he recovered with some difficulty and headed for the next stand. The next stand that Mike came to was Japanese and it had a wonderful, enormous, golden tractor on it. Mike let out a very loud scream of joy which shattered several wine glasses in the near vicinity and jumped into the cab in a single bound. There were the same knobs and dials, stereo radio cassette with CD, wash wipers on all the windows and microwave oven, but this tractor had a widescreen TV with Nicam stereo sound and a small car attached to the back to take you home after a hard day in the fields. Now to Mike this was without doubt the most stupendous tractor he had ever seen and for a whole hour he played all over it. Eventually the salesman arrived. "So what do you think of this model, Sir?" Well Mike was naturally a little cautious about answering this question in light of what had happened so far and merely commented that it was "nice". The salesman realised that he was up against a hard dealer and asked "Would you like to purchase this model Sir?" Mike thought very hard about his answer this time and then said "well I only get £2 pocket money per week will that cover it mister?" The salesman leaped at Mike, dragged him from the cab and threw him of the stand screaming "Get out of here you little %&$@#&%". Now this time Mike was very upset. He ran around the NEC trying to find his father. When he did find him he ran up and was crying so much that his father decided they should go home. All the way home Mike lay on the back seat sniffling, not even bothering to look out of the window. When the car stopped in the farmyard Mike leaped from the car and ran upstairs to his bedroom. Pulling all the posters off the wall and collecting up all his models he ran back downstairs and out into the yard. Piling them all in the yard he set light to them. His parents just stood and watched. Then Mike announced "I'm off down to the pub" Now his parents realised that he wouldn't get into any trouble and let him go. When Mike walked in to the pub he strolled nonchalantly up to the bar and asked for a pint of beer. Now this surprised the barman as not many 10 year old boys came in, but he gave him a pint of cold tea, knowing that Mike would never know the difference. As Mike sipped his "beer" he glanced around the bar and noticed how smoky it was. Commenting on this, the barman replied that "the chimney blows back a bit and a lot of the customers smoke. Mike contemplated on this and then announced "I can get rid of all this smoke for you". The barman just laughed and said "go on then!". Mike took a big breath, sucking in all the smoke, and walked outside where he exhaled it. Walking back into the bar, the barman muttered "how the $%&£*~@# did you do that?" "Oh, it was easy . . . you see, I'm an extractor fan." [ 02-13-2002: Message edited by: Staralfur ] __________________ We\'ve heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the Complete Works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.\"<br />Robert Wilensky <br /><br />\"Why is there only one Monopolies Commission?\" <br />Screaming Lord Sutch<br /><br />If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

02-13-2002, 12:25 PM	#3
norompanlasolas Avatar Join Date: November 13, 2001 Location: madrid, spain... made in argentina Age: 47 Posts: 569	i cant believe you just made me read that star... [img]graemlins/1disgust.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/laugh3.gif[/img] [img]tongue.gif[/img] __________________ no

02-13-2002, 01:16 PM	#5
Solomon The Magister Join Date: January 15, 2002 Location: Boston Age: 55 Posts: 126	Well, you did say it wasn't worth it... __________________ When in doubt, cut it in half.

02-13-2002, 03:37 PM	#6
Barry the Sprout White Dragon Join Date: October 19, 2001 Location: York, UK. Age: 41 Posts: 1,815	quote: Originally posted by Solomon: Well, you did say it wasn't worth it... Hardly consolation in the circumstances. __________________ [img]\"http://img1.ranchoweb.com/images/sproutman/certwist.gif\" alt=\" - \" /><br /><br /><i>\"And the angels all pallid and wan,<br />Uprising, unveiling, affirm,<br />That the play is the tragedy, man,<br />And its hero the Conquerer Worm.\"</i><br /> - Edgar Allan Poe

02-13-2002, 01:09 PM	#4
GEEK The Magister Join Date: January 31, 2002 Location: USA Posts: 101	That was painfull

02-13-2002, 04:11 PM	#7
Sir Kenyth Fzoul Chembryl Join Date: August 30, 2001 Location: somewhere Age: 54 Posts: 1,785	AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [img]graemlins/crazyeyes.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/1dizzy.gif[/img] The pain! The pain! That's almost as bad as the "Pretty Pink Ping-Pong ball" joke I nearly throttled someone for some years back! __________________ Master Barbsman and wielder of the razor wit!<br /><br />There are dark angels among us. They present themselves in shining raiment but there is, in their hearts, the blackness of the abyss.

02-13-2002, 05:45 PM	#8
Staralfur Baaz Draconian Join Date: April 8, 2001 Location: Nottingham, UK Age: 44 Posts: 786	quote: Originally posted by norompanlasolas: i cant believe you just made me read that star... [img]graemlins/1disgust.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/laugh3.gif[/img] [img]tongue.gif[/img] quote: Originally posted by GEEK: That was painfull quote: Originally posted by Solomon: Well, you did say it wasn't worth it... quote: Originally posted by Barry the Sprout: Hardly consolation in the circumstances. quote: Originally posted by Sir Kenyth : AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The pain! The pain! That's almost as bad as the "Pretty Pink Ping-Pong ball" joke I nearly throttled someone for some years back! I think I can call that a success. (changed the warning now) I know a couple more. I can post them if you like? [img]graemlins/outtahere.gif[/img] running away from other IW posters in fear on my life __________________ We\'ve heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the Complete Works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.\"<br />Robert Wilensky <br /><br />\"Why is there only one Monopolies Commission?\" <br />Screaming Lord Sutch<br /><br />If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

02-13-2002, 05:58 PM	#9
Cerek the Barbaric Ma'at - Goddess of Truth & Justice Join Date: October 29, 2001 Location: North Carolina Age: 61 Posts: 3,257	As long as we're doing "groaners", I may as well add my own. Fair Warning: Its just as bad as the other two. Bad luck had followed Howard throughout his life. He decided to take a walk in the desert one day to contemplate his lot in life. His bad luck remained true to form and he became hopelessly lost. He wandered for days, trying to find his way back, but to no avail. As he was wandering around, he suddenly came upon a huge Lever sticking out of the ground. He stared at it for a long time, trying to determine if it was real, or a mirage. It certainly felt solid enough when he touched it. Finally, figuring he had nothing to lose, he started to pull on it to see what would happen. "WHOA..WHOA...WHOA....What do you think you're DOING?" said a voice from behind him. Howard turned around to see a snake raised up and looking him in the eye. "Get your hand off that Lever right now!!!" said the snake. Howard was too shocked to do anything. Instead, he just stared at the snake. "What does this Lever do?" he finally asked. "That Lever is connected to a keystone located on the continental plate. You move it even an inch, and the entire North American continent will be split into several pieces. This will trigger a chain reaction of disasters that will eventually destroy ALL the continents and end life as we know it". "OH....uh..sorry" said Howard, as he carefully took his hands off the Lever. "Whew, that was close", said the snake. "By the way, my name's Nate. What's yours...and what are you doing out here?" Howard told his story to Nate. "I can help you get back to civilization," said Nate...and the two set off. As they traveled they discussed the Lever. They agreed that people would probably pay money to see it, so they made plans to turn it into a tourist attraction. Howard got a loan from the bank, built a road to the Lever, and set up a toll booth. Nate acted as the tour guide. Their venture became a smashing success and they both became rich. Then one day, Bad Luck reared its head again. Howard got to work a little late to discover several ambulances and emergency vehicles blocking the road. He quickly ran to the nearest ambulance to ask what happened. "I'm afraid there's been a bad accident. Nate was run over by a car." Howard was devastated. A policeman came up to him and said that the driver of the car wanted to talk to him. Howard agreed and the fellow approached him. "I'm so sorry about your friend", said the man. "What happened?" asked Howard. "Well, I was driving towards the Lever when the sun got in my eyes. I got my visor down just in time to see that I had run off the road and was headed straight towards your friend. When I swerved to miss him, I was headed for the Lever, I swerved back and was headed for Nate again. I did my best to avoid an accident, but I realized that I was going to hit one or the other." The man said. "So, in the end, I decided it was better Nate than Lever" [ 02-13-2002: Message edited by: Cerek the Barbaric ] __________________ [img]\"http://img.ranchoweb.com/images/cerek/cerektsrsig.jpg\" alt=\" - \" /><br />Cerek the Calmth

02-13-2002, 05:59 PM	#10
Grojlach Zartan Join Date: May 2, 2001 Location: Ulpia Noviomagus Batavorum Age: 43 Posts: 5,281	quote: Originally posted by Staralfur: I think I can call that a success. (changed the warning now) I know a couple more. I can post them if you like? [img]graemlins/outtahere.gif[/img] running away from other IW posters in fear on my life Giving Staralfur's measures to a carpenter for the coffin Staralfur is going to need very soon [ 02-13-2002: Message edited by: Grojlach ] __________________ [url]\"http://www.audioscrobbler.com/user/Grobbel/\" target=\"_blank\"> [img]\"http://www.denness.net/rpi/username/Grobbel\" alt=\" - \" /></a>

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A Bunch of Puns...groan	Arvon	General Conversation Archives (11/2000 - 01/2005)	5	07-08-2002 04:29 AM
"Groan, not another poll in General discussion" I hear you say but I'm curious.	Sigmar	General Conversation Archives (11/2000 - 01/2005)	21	06-21-2002 02:44 AM