Funny Phone Calls - humor alert :D

Charean · 06-05-2002, 01:48 PM

The local high school has a policy that the parents must call the school if a student is to be absent for the day. Kelly (name changed to protect the guilty), deciding to skip school and go to the mall with her friends waited until her parents had left for work and called the school herself. This is the actual conversation of the telephone call.

Kelly: "Hi, I'm calling to report that Kelly so-in-so is unable to make it to school today because she is ill.

Secretary at high school: "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I'll note her absence. Who is this calling?"

Kelly: "This is my mother."
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

The local paper, which I don't bother to subscribe to since I don't have a bird, calls every couple of weeks to try and get me to subscribe. With caller ID this becomes a perfect opportunity. Here are some of the highlights.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Phone rings. I glance at the monitor and pick up the phone.
"OK I'll take a subscription, but I only want it on weekends"
"What?"
"You want to sell me a subscription. I'll take it, but only for Saturday and Sunday"
"We only offer it Thursday through Sunday."
"Oh then never mind."
I hang up.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Phone rings. I glance at the monitor and pick up the phone.
"I don't want a subscription"
(silence)
"What?"
"You are calling to offer me a subscription. I don't want one."
(silence}
"uh... OK"
I hang up.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Phone rings. I glance at the monitor and pick up the phone.
"Hi! Is this Billy-Bob's Gun and Ammo Shop?"
(silence)
"I wanna buy a gun. You got any?"
(silence)
I hang up.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Phone rings. I glance at the monitor and pick up the phone.
"Good afternoon, Gainesville Sun circulation department. How may I help you?"
(silence)
"Umm... Sorry. Wrong number."
I hang up.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

My daughter called me at work to say I was to phone "Josh" at the bank regarding my account. So, I called my bank and the operator asked me what Josh's last name was and I explained that he hadn't left his last name.

When she asked for his department, I said that I didn't know.

"There are 1500 employees in this building, ma'am," she advised me rather sharply.

After a few more brusque comments, I was becoming angry so I asked her for her name.

"Danielle," she said.

"And your last name?" I asked.

"Sorry," she replied, "we're not allowed to give out last names."
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.

"No, you *idiot*!" the man shouts. "This is her *husband*!"
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Phone Won't Stop Ringing? Here's What You Do

Leola Starling of Ribrock, Tenn., had a serious telephone problem. But unlike most people she did something about it.

The brand-new $10 million Ribrock Plaza Motel opened nearby and had acquired almost the same telephone number as Leola.

From the moment the motel opened, Leola was besieged by calls not for her. Since she had the same phone number for years, she felt that she had a case to persuade the motel management to change its number.

Naturally, the management refused claiming that it could not change its stationery.

The phone company was not helpful, either. A number was a number, and just because a customer was getting someone else's calls 24 hours a day didn't make it responsible. After her pleas fell on deaf ears, Leola decided to take matters into her own hands.

At 9 o'clock the phone rang. Someone from Memphis was calling the motel and asked for a room for the following Tuesday. Leoloa said, "No problem. How many nights?"

A few hours later Dallas checked in. A secretary wanted a suite with two bedrooms for a week. Emboldened, Leola said the Presidential Suite on the 10th floor was available for $600 a night. The secretary said that she would take it and asked if the hotel wanted a deposit. "No, that won't be necessary," Leola said. "We trust you."

The next day was a busy one for Leola. In the morning, she booked an electric appliance manufacturers' convention for Memorial Day weekend, a college prom and a reunion of the 82nd Airborne veterans from World War II.

She turned on her answering machine during lunchtime so that she could watch her favorite soap opera, but her biggest challenge came in the afternoon when a mother called to book the ballroom for her daughter's wedding in June.

Leola assured the woman that it would be no problem and asked if she would be providing the flowers or did she want the hotel to take care of it. The mother said that she would prefer the hotel to handle the floral arrangements. Then the question of valet parking came up. Once again Leola was helpful. "There's no charge for valet parking, but we always recommend that the client tips the drivers."

Within a few months, the Ribrock Plaza Motel was a disaster area.

People kept showing up for weddings, bar mitzvahs, and Sweet Sixteen parties and were all told there were no such events.

Leola had her final revenge when she read in the local paper that the motel might go bankrupt. Her phone rang, and an executive from Marriott said, "We're prepared to offer you $200,000 for the motel."

Leola replied. "We'll take it, but only if you change the telephone number."

Sir Goulum · 06-05-2002, 06:46 PM

LOL! I love the last one and the first one!

johnny · 06-05-2002, 07:00 PM

as usual this guy always makes me smile.

AzRaeL StoRmBlaDe · 06-05-2002, 08:51 PM

good post all in all quite humorous.
I screw with people trying to sell me things all the time. has anyone ever seen the movie "boiler room"? well there is a part in it where they try to sell the stock broker guy a newspaper subscription. he's like "im not interested and then they respond "ohh ok " so he goes you call that a slaes pitch if you have something to sell me, sell me dont just hang up at the first sign of resistance". so they start again and he gets all the information on the product from the telemarketer, who incidentally makes a pretty good sales pitch, and at the end of the call the telemarketer is like "ok so i should sign you up, he cooly replies "no i already get te times." and hangs up. funny as hell that scene I mess with the people trying to sell me the paper all the time. i keep asking them questions about the product until they cant give me an answer to something i ask, or they say something that could make somone not want the product. for instance they told me the paper was good because it was a morning paper and the other local paper was an evening paper. I told them i never wake up before noon and that i would be pissed if i got the paper in the morning and i missed some news because it was printed early. they responded that if it was anything important ide see it on tv. then i told them i dont watch tv and the paper is my only source of outside news. they wre quiet for a moment and then were like well do you want it or not. i told 'em i dont read the paper and hung up. the point to all this rambling is really just [img]graemlins/spam2.gif[/img]

Deathcow · 06-05-2002, 09:52 PM

i think our house gets more calls from people trying to sell us things than from all other calls combined...and no, its not just because nobody calls us [img]tongue.gif[/img]

its weird, though, because they always ask for Mr. Dryer, when my stepdad's last name is Dyer...notice the absence of an R [img]smile.gif[/img] about 80% of them say it wrong

like the post above me, this is just [img]graemlins/spam2.gif[/img]

Downunda · 06-05-2002, 09:57 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by johnny:
as usual this guy always makes me smile.

Guy? mmm...hmm...

Good stuff Charean, thanks for the laugh

Scholarcs · 06-06-2002, 02:36 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Downunda:

quote:
Originally posted by johnny:
as usual this guy always makes me smile.

Guy? mmm...hmm...
Good stuff Charean, thanks for the laugh [/QUOTE]LOL that was the funniest bit

Calaethis Dragonsbane · 06-06-2002, 06:43 AM

yes that was quite amusing. if the phone keeps ringing, pull the phone line out... or go on the net. likewise, if ppl keep 'calling for you, turn the hounds on them'.
"Honour though Victory"

sorry been playing too many of the wrong games...

"Oh there has *got* to be lots to kill down here; just pick a direction and start swinging!"

Harkoliar · 06-06-2002, 08:32 AM

LOVE IT !!!! haha

Ar-Cunin · 06-06-2002, 10:58 AM

Nice stoies [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img] - but wasn't it a bit mean of the woman in the last story to ruin so many 'events' (weddings etc.)

06-05-2002, 01:48 PM	#1
Charean Hathor Join Date: March 6, 2001 Location: Waxahachie, TX Age: 60 Posts: 2,201	The local high school has a policy that the parents must call the school if a student is to be absent for the day. Kelly (name changed to protect the guilty), deciding to skip school and go to the mall with her friends waited until her parents had left for work and called the school herself. This is the actual conversation of the telephone call. Kelly: "Hi, I'm calling to report that Kelly so-in-so is unable to make it to school today because she is ill. Secretary at high school: "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I'll note her absence. Who is this calling?" Kelly: "This is my mother." &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& The local paper, which I don't bother to subscribe to since I don't have a bird, calls every couple of weeks to try and get me to subscribe. With caller ID this becomes a perfect opportunity. Here are some of the highlights. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Phone rings. I glance at the monitor and pick up the phone. "OK I'll take a subscription, but I only want it on weekends" "What?" "You want to sell me a subscription. I'll take it, but only for Saturday and Sunday" "We only offer it Thursday through Sunday." "Oh then never mind." I hang up. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Phone rings. I glance at the monitor and pick up the phone. "I don't want a subscription" (silence) "What?" "You are calling to offer me a subscription. I don't want one." (silence} "uh... OK" I hang up. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Phone rings. I glance at the monitor and pick up the phone. "Hi! Is this Billy-Bob's Gun and Ammo Shop?" (silence) "I wanna buy a gun. You got any?" (silence) I hang up. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Phone rings. I glance at the monitor and pick up the phone. "Good afternoon, Gainesville Sun circulation department. How may I help you?" (silence) "Umm... Sorry. Wrong number." I hang up. &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& My daughter called me at work to say I was to phone "Josh" at the bank regarding my account. So, I called my bank and the operator asked me what Josh's last name was and I explained that he hadn't left his last name. When she asked for his department, I said that I didn't know. "There are 1500 employees in this building, ma'am," she advised me rather sharply. After a few more brusque comments, I was becoming angry so I asked her for her name. "Danielle," she said. "And your last name?" I asked. "Sorry," she replied, "we're not allowed to give out last names." &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor queries. "No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!" &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& Phone Won't Stop Ringing? Here's What You Do Leola Starling of Ribrock, Tenn., had a serious telephone problem. But unlike most people she did something about it. The brand-new $10 million Ribrock Plaza Motel opened nearby and had acquired almost the same telephone number as Leola. From the moment the motel opened, Leola was besieged by calls not for her. Since she had the same phone number for years, she felt that she had a case to persuade the motel management to change its number. Naturally, the management refused claiming that it could not change its stationery. The phone company was not helpful, either. A number was a number, and just because a customer was getting someone else's calls 24 hours a day didn't make it responsible. After her pleas fell on deaf ears, Leola decided to take matters into her own hands. At 9 o'clock the phone rang. Someone from Memphis was calling the motel and asked for a room for the following Tuesday. Leoloa said, "No problem. How many nights?" A few hours later Dallas checked in. A secretary wanted a suite with two bedrooms for a week. Emboldened, Leola said the Presidential Suite on the 10th floor was available for $600 a night. The secretary said that she would take it and asked if the hotel wanted a deposit. "No, that won't be necessary," Leola said. "We trust you." The next day was a busy one for Leola. In the morning, she booked an electric appliance manufacturers' convention for Memorial Day weekend, a college prom and a reunion of the 82nd Airborne veterans from World War II. She turned on her answering machine during lunchtime so that she could watch her favorite soap opera, but her biggest challenge came in the afternoon when a mother called to book the ballroom for her daughter's wedding in June. Leola assured the woman that it would be no problem and asked if she would be providing the flowers or did she want the hotel to take care of it. The mother said that she would prefer the hotel to handle the floral arrangements. Then the question of valet parking came up. Once again Leola was helpful. "There's no charge for valet parking, but we always recommend that the client tips the drivers." Within a few months, the Ribrock Plaza Motel was a disaster area. People kept showing up for weddings, bar mitzvahs, and Sweet Sixteen parties and were all told there were no such events. Leola had her final revenge when she read in the local paper that the motel might go bankrupt. Her phone rang, and an executive from Marriott said, "We're prepared to offer you $200,000 for the motel." Leola replied. "We'll take it, but only if you change the telephone number." __________________ And then there were 6.

06-05-2002, 07:00 PM	#3
johnny 40th Level Warrior Join Date: April 15, 2002 Location: Utrecht The Netherlands Age: 58 Posts: 16,981	as usual this guy always makes me smile. __________________

06-05-2002, 08:51 PM	#4
AzRaeL StoRmBlaDe Hathor Join Date: October 11, 2001 Location: At My Computer Age: 43 Posts: 2,217	good post all in all quite humorous. I screw with people trying to sell me things all the time. has anyone ever seen the movie "boiler room"? well there is a part in it where they try to sell the stock broker guy a newspaper subscription. he's like "im not interested and then they respond "ohh ok " so he goes you call that a slaes pitch if you have something to sell me, sell me dont just hang up at the first sign of resistance". so they start again and he gets all the information on the product from the telemarketer, who incidentally makes a pretty good sales pitch, and at the end of the call the telemarketer is like "ok so i should sign you up, he cooly replies "no i already get te times." and hangs up. funny as hell that scene I mess with the people trying to sell me the paper all the time. i keep asking them questions about the product until they cant give me an answer to something i ask, or they say something that could make somone not want the product. for instance they told me the paper was good because it was a morning paper and the other local paper was an evening paper. I told them i never wake up before noon and that i would be pissed if i got the paper in the morning and i missed some news because it was printed early. they responded that if it was anything important ide see it on tv. then i told them i dont watch tv and the paper is my only source of outside news. they wre quiet for a moment and then were like well do you want it or not. i told 'em i dont read the paper and hung up. the point to all this rambling is really just [img]graemlins/spam2.gif[/img] __________________ Now the swinging bridge<br />Is quieted with creepers. . . <br />Like our tendrilled life. -Basho

06-06-2002, 06:43 AM	#8
Calaethis Dragonsbane Legion Symbol Join Date: May 29, 2002 Location: Somewhere in between Age: 39 Posts: 7,029	yes that was quite amusing. if the phone keeps ringing, pull the phone line out... or go on the net. likewise, if ppl keep 'calling for you, turn the hounds on them'. "Honour though Victory" sorry been playing too many of the wrong games... "Oh there has got to be lots to kill down here; just pick a direction and start swinging!" __________________ Skydracgrrl: Cruelty, thy name is Cal! --- There are none so blind as those who refuse to see, none so deaf as those who refuse to hear, and none so smelly as those who refuse to bathe.

06-06-2002, 08:32 AM	#9
Harkoliar Jack Burton Join Date: March 21, 2001 Location: Philippines, but now Harbor City Sydney Age: 41 Posts: 5,556	LOVE IT !!!! haha __________________ Catch me if you can..

06-05-2002, 06:46 PM	#2
Sir Goulum John Locke Join Date: February 7, 2002 Location: Edmonton, Canada Age: 35 Posts: 8,985	LOL! I love the last one and the first one!

06-05-2002, 09:52 PM	#5
Deathcow Elminster Join Date: January 24, 2002 Location: Virginia Beach Age: 39 Posts: 467	i think our house gets more calls from people trying to sell us things than from all other calls combined...and no, its not just because nobody calls us [img]tongue.gif[/img] its weird, though, because they always ask for Mr. Dryer, when my stepdad's last name is Dyer...notice the absence of an R [img]smile.gif[/img] about 80% of them say it wrong like the post above me, this is just [img]graemlins/spam2.gif[/img]

06-06-2002, 10:58 AM	#10
Ar-Cunin Ra Join Date: August 14, 2001 Location: Copenhagen, Denmark Age: 52 Posts: 2,326	Nice stoies [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img] - but wasn't it a bit mean of the woman in the last story to ruin so many 'events' (weddings etc.) __________________ Life is a laugh <img border=\"0\" alt=\"[biglaugh]\" title=\"\" src=\"graemlins/biglaugh.gif\" /> - and DEATH is the final joke <img border=\"0\" alt=\"[hehe]\" title=\"\" src=\"graemlins/hehe.gif\" />

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