Post your Redneck Jokes Here

[Charean]

You Might Be A Redneck If:

From Jeff Foxworthy

You've ever had to siphon gas from your lawn mower to put into your truck.

Your kid calls your sister, mom.

You think icing is what you do to your front steps before your mother in law comes over.

You drink gas because you found out you can run two and a half miles per hour faster.

You've ever tried to drown a fish.

You buy your jewelry at the hardware store.

You drink Labatt 50

You've ever had to knock the spider webs down to use the bathroom.

Your son says, "Dad, can I have a can of mix?"

Your Christmas stocking is full of ammo.

You go to the DMV to transfer the title to your home.

You can yell to your mom, "Hey, Aunt Betty!"

You wonder why there isn't a hairstyle called "The Hat Line."

You actually like Spam.

Your pickup truck has a bigger turning radius than your house.

You send a request to a major fragrance designer to try to recreate the smell of a dead skunk.

Your wife howls at the moon more than your huntin' dogs.

The same pair of boots have been in your family for five generations and they're only twenty years old.

You go swimming in the drainage ditch behind your house.

You cuss and refer to your wife, mother, aunt, and sister with one word.

Your kids fight with the dogs for their dinner.

You have more pet names for your huntin' dog than for your girlfriend.

You mistake the offering plate for a spit can.

You go to church to pick up women.

You bring your dog with you to church.

You think that Australia is ruled by the south because their flags are similar.

You think the Franklin Mint is a breath freshener.

Your only tie is made of leather, silver and turquoise.

You buy a can of Mountain Dew just to serve as a container to spit tobacco juice in.

Your house gets picked up every week.

If bar-b-que is a daily thing.

You think that the Dark Side is a room in your house.

You think doctorin' involves mamma's sewing kit and a jug.

You've ever held a guy over your head because of a fight over a CD radio.

You think a Ford Mustang is a new bread of horse.

You prefer to sleep in the truck than in your house.

You have heard more than four people say "Your mamma...she's naked!" before running out of a room with new heart conditions.

You've ever stood in line to have your picture made with a freak of nature.

You break wind in public and blame it on your kid.

You've ever valet parked a snowplow.

You vacuum the sheets instead of washing them.

You've ever gotten an official letter of recognition from a tobacco or beer company.

You've ever taken reading material into an airplane restroom.

You kissed your own wife at midnight at the New Year's eve party.

You've ever paid for a 6-pack of beer with pennies.

There are hubcap wind chimes anywhere on your block.

You have a Bud Light pool table light hanging over your dining room table.

The strongest smell in your house is butane.

Your dog passes gas and you claim it.

You've ever mistaken your Aunt Betty for a man.

You think paprika is a Third World country.

You ask the preacher, "How's it hanging?"

You go to a stock car race and don't need a program.

You have a bumper sticker that says, "My mother's an honor student" at the local junior high.

You think potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'oeuvre.

You played the banjo in your high school band.

The velvet paintings in your house were bought from an art dealer on the side of the highway.

You have no hubcaps on your car because you're using them to feed you hunting dogs.

More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.

You think the stock market has a fence around it.

You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.

Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

You've ever used lard in bed. Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.

You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

You pick your teeth from a catalog You've ever financed a tattoo.

You refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the "day my ship came in."

Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.

Your mother has been involved in a fist-fight at a high school sports event.

You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.

You own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.

The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.

You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.

The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.

Your brother-in-law is your uncle.

Your entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.

You go to the family reunion to pick up women.

You can't tell what color your car is because of the dirt.

You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was
snubbed for best picture.

None of your shirts cover your stomach.

Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.

The rear cars on your car are twice the size of your front ones.

You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.

You prominently display a gift you bought a Graceland.

You use the term 'over yonder' more than once a month.

Birds are attracted to your beard.

The diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute."

Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.

Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.

You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.

Bikers back down from your momma.

You were shooting pool when your kids were born.

Your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.

Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos."

You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.

You've ever stolen clothes from a scarecrow.

You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.

You've ever shot a deer from inside your house.

The first words out of your mother every time you see friends are "Howdy!" "HEY!" or "How Y'all Doin'?"

You have more that two brothers named Bubba or Junior.

You've ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom.

The rest are here... I only posted the first 100 - the total is 855
http://www.redneckhumor.com/You%20Mi...dneck%20If.htm
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Defender for the Light -
Goodness knows there is a lot of Dark out there!! - Where are my matches?!?
Wandering Soul - Finding my life's calling is Bodhisattva
You are what your deep driving desire is; As your deep driving desire is, so is your will; As your will is so is your deed; As your deed is so is your destiny.
The Upanishads

[This message has been edited by Charean (edited 06-15-2001).]

[Moridin]

RFLMAO

Charean: when do you start that job? You have WAY to much time You should go shopping or something

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Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect from alphabet soup?

[Yorick]

You know you're a redneck when.....

......you move the fridge, and the grass has died underneath it.

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I am the walrus!.... er, no hang on....

A fair dinkum laughing Hyena!

[Yorick]

What is the least used sentance in the English language?

"Is that the banjo players porche?"

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I am the walrus!.... er, no hang on....

A fair dinkum laughing Hyena!

[Lord of Alcohol]

What do rednecks do on Halloween? Pump-kin
What do you have with 32 rednecks standing in a line? A full set of teeth

4 rednecks are driving around one day drinking beer when they see a police roadblock ahead. Seeing this the driver yells "Quick peal the labels off your bottles and put them on your foreheads, bottles under seat!" When they get to the roadblock the policeman asks if they had been drinking. The driver replies"No Occifer, we're on the patch" and points to his forehead.