True Gross Story

[skywalker]

Post true gross stories here!

No names here!

My wife used to work with a guy who said his son did this:

Seems this kid got some firecrackers a few years ago and you know how it goes...You put one in a can to see what happens, you bury it in the ground with just the wick sticking out, you know!

Well he decides to try a diffent experiment.
He decides to bury it a big pile of dog poo, just to see what would happen.

So he sticks it in and lights the fuse and runs a safe distance and waits....nothing happens.

Looks like it went out before it could explode. Now, the smart thing to do would be to figure it was a dud and try another one or just give up the experiment. But, you know, kids don't like to waste things that blow up.

So, he goes over to his "important experiment" and looks it over. It appears that the flame went out before it got to the firecracker itself. Cool, it's not a dud! No logic here! He decides he can still finish the job and lights what is left of the fuse.

Bad decision! Before he can even get a foot away, the firecracker explodes! This in turn cause the dog mess to fly everywhere including all over him! [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Well, we already know he is not the sharpest tool in the shed. The boy goes home, finding no one there, he feels lucky. He goes to the bathroom, sheds his clothes, and cleans himself off. Then instead of rinsing off the clothes and putting them in the wash, he dumps the pile of them into the tub and goes back out to play.

Many hours later, Mom and Sis come home and find (and smell) a pile of crappy clothes in the tub.

Dad is left with the job of finding out what happened and then coming up with suitable punishment for the "dirty" deed (I think he got grounded and banned from using firecrackers!)

Dumb kid!

Mark

[ 06-22-2002, 10:45 AM: Message edited by: skywalker ]

[Megabot]

Wery cool haha !!!! !!!!!

Or this one not me in this one!!

Helping out an old friend

From the Assholes again!!

had my coffee to my left,
paper on the other side,
as I sipped and perused,
the…classified.

Toyota Camry for sale,
blue,
1993,
under 20,000 miles.
this sounded good to me.

maybe too good,
maybe it's sold.
my mouth got dry,
my coffee grew cold,

as I dialed the number,
tapping my shoe,
as I realized it was,
(405) 842-9842.

that number seemed so familiar.

"hello!" said a man,
his voice…gruff and cold.
"I'm calling about the Camry -
is it already sold?"

"I sold it last week!"
he went berserk.
I thought to myself,
"HEY, THAT'S THE ASSHOLE!"

"so call the paper.
spend a dime.
cancel the ad.
save us both some time!"

"it's almost expired.
just leave me alone!"
he finished his screaming,
and slammed down the phone.

so, I called the paper.
it's the kind thing to do.
"this is Julie," someone answered.
"can I help you?"

"my ad for the Camry -
I'm renewing it,
for two more weeks,
and…cut the price a bit."

"from $13,000 to…$8,000,
and ad a line,
call until 2 A.M.,
let ring,
a long…long…time."

"no problem, sir.
that's two weeks more.
do you want this on your VISA,
as we've done before?"

"yeah, that'd be great,
and I've a favor to ask,
my dog chews my paper,
when it's thrown on the grass."

"have the paperboy,
with all his might,
throw it on the roof,
way out of sight."

----------
I was in a bad mood,
really feeling blue.
my girlfriend dumped me.
I dialed (405) 842-9842.
a familiar voice said,
"hello."

"this is Eric from the paper.
you placed a classified ad.
I'm calling to see if you're happy,
with the results you've had."
"you idiot!" the jerk screamed.
"you ran my ad for two extra weeks!"
"I'm sorry, sir,
for causing you trouble,
I'll issue you a refund,
on the double."

"I'll do it now,
it won't be hard.
what's the number,
of your credit card?"

he gave me his number,
and the expiration date,
then slammed down the phone,
still irate.

I felt a lot better,
and thought I might try,
to patch things up with my girlfriend,
'cause I'm that kind of guy.

sent her candy and flowers,
and a bottle of wine.
I didn't stop,
I was feeling fine.

sent her to Paris,
to see the Mona Lisa,
and I charged it all,
on the Jerk's VISA

----------
it was one of those mornings,
when everything turns bad.
tried to open frozen orange juice,
and broke off the tab.

tried a pair of pliers,
they sort of worked,
but splattered orange juice,
all over…my new white shirt.

"calm down," I thought,
"some things always work."
I picked up the phone,
and called the jerk.
a recording came on,
it made me nervous,
"this number is
no longer in service."

I called Ma Bell,
thought I'd give it a try,
"(405) 842-9842 has been disconnected,
and I want to know why."

"$153.24,
is the exact amount,
it's what's owed,
on the account."

"oh man,
well, let's see,
I'll pay that right now,
it's worth it to me."

sure glad I had the
jerk's credit card number!
that's VISA card
number 4901 93…

[ 06-22-2002, 10:08 AM: Message edited by: Megabot ]

[Reeka]

Well, I don't know if this is a funny story, but it sure it a gross story.

Reminds me of the time I got a daschund puppy. I had to go somewhere for the day and was trying the "crating method" of house-breaking. When I got home she had of course gone in the crate (which she was supposed to do), but then she decided it would be fun to play in it. She was covered in doggie-doo. Not a pleasant experience.

[skywalker]

Originally posted by Reeka: Well, I don't know if this is a funny story, but it sure it a gross story. Reminds me of the time I got a daschund puppy. I had to go somewhere for the day and was trying the "crating method" of house-breaking. When I got home she had of course gone in the crate (which she was supposed to do), but then she decided it would be fun to play in it. She was covered in doggie-doo. Not a pleasant experience.

Your right Reeka! So I changed the thread title to reflect this!

Mark