Redneck Zodiac

[Sir Taliesin]

"Southern Signs"
What's Your "Southern Sign"? Some of us (especially Southerners)are pretty skeptical of horoscopes, and it has become obvious that what we need are "Southern" symbols:

OKRA (Dec 22 - Jan 20)
Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick on the inside.
Okras have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back over
his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. Stay away from
Moon Pies.

CHITLIN (Jan 21 - Feb 19)
Chitlins come from humble backgrounds. A chitlin, however, can make
something of himself if he's motivated and has lots of seasoning. In
dealing with Chitlins, be careful. They can erupt like Vesuvius.
Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra.

BOLL WEEVIL (Feb 20 - Mar 20)
You have an overwhelming curiosity. You're unsatisfied with the
surface of things, and you feel the need to bore deep into the interior of
everything. Needless to say, you are very intense and driven as if you had some
inner hunger. Nobody in their right mind is going to marry you, so don't
worry about it.

MOON PIE (Mar 21 - Apr 20)
You're the type that spends a lot of time on the front porch.
It's a cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies.
Big and round are the key words here. You should marry anybody
who you can get remotely interested in the idea. It's not going to
be easy. This might be the year to think about aerobics. Or - maybe
not.

POSSUM (Apr 21 - May 21)
When confronted with life's difficulties, possums have a marked
tendency to withdraw and develop a don't-bother-me-about-it
attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually think you're
dead. This strategy is probably not psychologically healthy, but
seems to work for you. One day, however, it won't work and you may find
your problems actually running you over.

CRAWFISH (May 22 - June 21)
Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in an office, you're always
hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach to the
mountains, the pool to the golf course, the bathtub to the living
room. You tend to be not particularly attractive physically, but you have
very, very good heads.

COLLARDS (June 22 - July 23)
Collards have a genius for communication. They love to get in the
"melting pot" of life and share their essence with the essence of
those round them. Collards make good social workers, psychologists, and
baseball managers. As far as your personal life goes, if you are
Collards, stay away from Moon Pies. It just won't work. Save
yourself a lot of heartache.

CATFISH (July 24 - Aug 23)
Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, although one
whiskers may cause problems for loved ones. You catfish are
never easy people to understand. You prefer the muddy bottoms
to the clear surface of life. Above all else, Catfish should stay
away from Moon Pies.

GRITS (Aug 24 - Sept 23)
Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself. You like to
huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits. You love to
travel though, so maybe you should think about joining a club.
Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese or gravy
or bacon or butter or eggs. If you can go somewhere where they
have all these things, that serves you well.

BOILED PEANUTS (Sept 24 - Oct 23)
You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man. Unfortunately,
those who know you best - your friends and loved ones - may find
that your personality is much too salty, and their criticism will
probably effect you deeply because you are really much softer than
you appear. You should go right ahead and marry anybody you want to because
in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the road of life, you
can be sure that people will always pull over and stop for you.

BUTTER BEAN (Oct 24 - Nov 22)
Always invite a Butter Bean because Butter Beans get along well
with everybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud. You've
grown on the vine of life and you feel at home no matter what the
setting. You can sit next to anybody. However, you, too, shouldn't
have anything to do with Moon Pies.

ARMADILLO (Nov 23 - Dec 21)
You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are
actually quite gentle. A good evening for you? Old friends, a fire,
some roots, fruit, worms and insects. You are a throwback.
You're not concerned with today's fashions and trends. You're
not concerned with anything about today. You're really almost
prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns. You probably
want to marry another Armadillo, but Possum is another somewhat
kinky, mating possibility.


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Sir Taliesin



If they take my gun can I still use my Axe?

[Sazerac]

LOL!!

I had seen this years ago, but I'm delighted to see it again! (Grits here, if you go by the birthdate!)

Poor Moon-Pies...so put upon. Actually, a Moon Pie and a Nehi Soda in a backwoods southern country store (the kind with a porch and a coca-cola box so cold that there's slush on the top of the cokes) can be just the ticket on a summer's day.

[Sir Taliesin]

Possum here and I prefer the more traditional (at least around here) RC cola with my moon pie.

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Sir Taliesin



If they take my gun can I still use my Axe?

[This message has been edited by Sir Taliesin (edited 07-05-2001).]

Catfish ....well, really LEO!

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Conan

[John D Harris]

Boiled Peanut here.
Moon pie and a coke (it doesn't matter what flavor coke)

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"the memories of a man in his old age,
are deeds of a man in his prime"

[onthepequod]

Aargh!!!!!! I'm a Butter Bean! How humiliating!



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[Larry_OHF]

I cannot believe that the Butterbean (Nov 13th) is a precise measurement of my personality. My wife is offended that she is a crawfish (June 19th).


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Devoted member of the Ironworks
Loyal guardian of the OHF
Member of the Ancients' club
Witness of the 4,000th post by Cloudposter
Currently engaged in the Throne of Bhaal expansion set

[Anubis]

LOL I will have to send this to my Southern friend

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You shall sit in judgment with Osiris

[Sir Taliesin]

Welcome Anubis! I'm honored that your first posting was on my topic. You need to go and vist with Cloudbringer. She is our offical welcome wagon.

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Sir Taliesin



If they take my gun can I still use my Axe?

[onthepequod]

Originally posted by Larry_OHF: My wife is offended that she is a crawfish (June 19th).

Tell her it could be worse. My wife is an Armadillo. from my trips through Texas, the things I remember about Armadillos is that they were frequently roadkill, a bane to golf courses, and generally viewed as undesirable.




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