OK, for a funny thread...post your most hilarious (TRUE) stories here

[Lioness]

My funny story:

My brother was born.

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Lioness

The Lion is strong, but the Lioness can overcome.


And will.

[Lavindathar]

I got two.

1)When i was about 11,i went to my best mates house,and we were in his garage.We made a real cool "den",with blankets and everything.the only problem was,in the garage it was a bit dark.so we thought it would be good to light some candles.Little did we know that there were emulsion and tins of paint behind us,,,

Not good.

2)Same best mate.we was playing footy in his garden,and I put a football through his double-glazed kitchen window.His parents were mad,but fixed it without tellin my parents.

1 week later,i put it through with a cricket ball.Same window.Same House.Same Mad Parents.

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[RudeDawg]

So, one day I get pulled over by a policeman. (Charge: Driving while Mexican)

I'll admit, I'm a wise-ass. When he walked over, I asked: "What do you want? I don't have any donuts..."

Yes, I was searched. My car was searched. My record was run. I was yelled at...

It was worth it.

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[This message has been edited by RudeDawg (edited 06-08-2001).]

[Melusine]

Originally posted by RudeDawg: So, one day I get pulled over by a policeman. (Charge: Driving while Mexican) I'll admit, I'm a wise-ass. When he walked over, I asked: "What do you want? I don't have any donuts..." Yes, I was searched. My car was searched. My record was run. I was yelled at... It was worth it.

Way to go Rudedawg!!!!!!!! Good on you!




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Melusine, Archbabe of the Order of the Holy Flame and the Laughing Hyenas, &
Official Entertainer Elf of the BG2 Bar

Your voice is ambrosia

[DawnChaser]

(I am so irritated right now. I have somehow typed most of this account twice now, and managed to inadvertently hit Esc both times, throwing it all away. Uggh. But I wanted you all to hear(read?) this, so, Third time's the charm)

Setting: Rural Virginia, late Summer, Age 11 or 12

My younger (by 2 years) brother and I were entertaining ourselves by flicking wooden matches (stand the match on the strike strip of the matchbox, and pluck it off in the direction of the target) into dried clumps of grass in the garden and enjoying watching as they went up in flames.

I was intent on flaming as many grass clumps as I could before my brother could get to them, and didn't even realize he had wandered off until I heard him yell "Uh Oh!" from behind the shed (garage) and rush out into the garden, grab some clods of dirt, and run back behind the shed.

Curious, I followed him around the back of the shed, where he had gone in search of bigger, better clumps of grass to flame. He found his bigger grass clumps growing out of a pile of wood my father kept back there, and had been thoroughly enjoying himself, until one of the matches slipped down into the wood pile, and began to catch on the dried wood down there.

He began throwing dirt clods at the pile, hoping to stifle the growing flames, and commanded me to assist. We both threw dirt on the fire for a while, until the resulting conflagration threatened to consume us, as well as the wood, at which point we stepped back, helpless, and watched as the fire first took the wood pile, then attached itself to the shed and began consuming that as well.

It never occurred to us to try and save anything in the shed, since our father kept the shed door locked, to keep us from getting into his tools and creating mischief (we once borrowed his tools to dig a cave, and lost most of them in the resulting dirt pile. We were digging with everything from picks, to hoes to large screwdrivers, even using an axe to loosen the dirt up, )

My father came storming out of the house, fumbling with his keys, rushing to save what he could from the shed (no way was he going to be able to contain the fire.) He yelled at us to run over and get our nearest neighbor, who was more than 300 yards from our house. We ran over and told him what was happening, and he went to his own shed and grabbed the end of a garden hose and rushed back with us to the shed. To our amazement, water was already coming out of the hose, and the thing actually reached our shed, allowing the only unburned corner of the structure to be saved (if that's what you would call it.)

Our neighbor actually talked my father out of beating us, reminding him that we were "only being boys." Our penance, however, became helping our father rebuild the shed, this time using cinder-blocks, and doing the shingle installation on the roof. All in all, excellent experience...

"A toast, to the Pyromaniac Brothers!"


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DawnChaser aka Thanatos (Dispositioner of Souls)



[This message has been edited by DawnChaser (edited 06-08-2001).]

[Redblueflare]

Well this one happened last year with my pals Shane MCcall and Kenneth West. All three of us were going to the movies, ans Shane decides to stop by Mcdonalds to get a milkshake. We continue on our way and we come to the long black pipe, that's by the NEX. (Navy Exchange.) Like idiots we walk down it, or attempt to in Kenny's case. Kenny was never the most *balanced* person in the world, and fell off after every 3 steps. To make matters worse, he has to hear constant insults about it from Shane. "God Kenny, you're so uncoordinated. Kenny you have to be the most uncoordinated person in the world." Not to much longer after Shane's joke, he falls off the pipe himself. His milkshake goes everywhere. It gets on me, Kenny, a van, and a cement block about 10 feet away. (In the opposite direction, don't ask how.) Yes Shane will still get red in the face if you call him uncoordinated!

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Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, I just don't have to listen.

[Donut]

1989, on one of my many visits to the US I decide to visit a theme park called Baseball & Boardwalk in Haines City, Florida. I especially wanted to ride the 'Hurricane' which was a roller coaster made from wood.

I queued for 2 hours before finally getting my turn. Now, at this time I was somewhat overweight. (24.5 stone, 156 kg, 340lb). I sat in the seat and a young lady about 4 ft 6 inches tall tried to lower the safety bar over my stomache but it wouldn't lock. After what seemed to be an eternity I finally told her to stop and got out. Bear in mind that this is in full view of the queue and that I had to walk past them to get out of the roller coaster - all very embarrassing.

I went back to my hotel room and lay on the bed and decided that the time had come to do something about my weight. So I hatched a plan, I would lose enough weight and return the following year to ride the Hurricane.

When I got back home I started to eat heathily, gave up the booze and started to exercise. Over the next 13 months I managed to lose 10.5 st, (67 kg, 147 lb).

So the holiday was booked and myself and 7 friends returned to Florida to complete the plan. On the great day we drove in two cars from Orlando to Haines City. As we entered the car park an amazing sight greeted us. We were the first cars there, the car park was completely empty. It was only as we drove further into the car park that we saw the signs showing that Baseball & Boardwalk had closed 2 weeks previously.

Unfortunately my friends were not in the mood to give me sympathy and drove round and round for more than 10 minutes calling out things like 'Keep your hands inside the car now' and other quotes from National Lampoons Vacation. If you've seen that film you will understand why this felt like a visit to WallyWorld.

Not that funny if you weren't there - but we still laugh about it today.
BTW if any one is wondering I have spent the past 10 years putting the weight back on - but I've enjoyed it.

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Save Chip - Don't let Sarah win!
Official Titterer of the Laughing Hyenas

[Bristowe]

Ah funny stories eh?

I was about 13-15 years when this happened...People from Australia should know where MT. Buller is, It's a skiiing mountain for those that don't know.
Ok on to my story, does everyone know those big chair-lifts that take you up the big slopes? I'm sure you do. Now for the smaller slopes, they don't have those 'chair lifts', they got a system where there's a anchor like device that you hold on to and it supports your butt with this railing sort of thing from behind you back. You supoosed to hold on to it and let go when you've reached the top. Now, when i reached the top and let go, the bloody "anchor" bit caught onto the bottom of my jacket and dragged my ass along the snow and i couldn't do anything about it. I laughed it off afterwards but i swear, at the time i was scared out of my brain cos the big machine with wheels and cogs that takes those funny things back DOWN the slope was coming towards my very quickly... sort of funny but damn frightning too arrgh ...

Those whov'e been skiing should know what i mean by those anchor things, i don't know the name

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Bristowe, Master Assassin
"Everyone dies sooner or later, why not sooner?"

[SSJ4Sephiroth]

nothing really funnys ever happened to me, at least not that i remember. however, i think ill tell you something ive always wanted to do

when i learn to drive, im gonna go about 15 over the limit just to try to get pulled over. and when i finally do, im gonna act all stoned and crap like that. of course i wont be, and im probably gonna hafta go back to the station and piss the cop off even more cuz i have no drugs in my system. then with a great smile ill walk out before getting sent to court on charges of mental insanity which i will undoubtedly be found guilty of

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I'll kidnap ya fer 100, reprogram ya fer 300, and kill ya fer 500! Oh come one! I'll throw in the killin' fer 250!

Bumping for some of the newer folks and anyone who may have missed this.

Moni

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