Terminal Illness

Dalamar Stormcrow · 11-12-2003, 08:27 PM

My friend was diagnosed with a terminal illness, one that strikes a random organ. It has already attacked his kidney's, and it could potentially kill him. Now i just sit in bed, and im afraid to go outside, or talk to him. Help? Please.....

VulcanRider · 11-12-2003, 08:40 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Dalamar Stormcrow:
My friend was diagnosed with a terminal illness, one that strikes a random organ. It has already attacked his kidney's, and it could potentially kill him. Now i just sit in bed, and im afraid to go outside, or talk to him. Help? Please.....

Is it attacking both kidneys? People can still live normal lives with just one. Instead of being afraid to go outside, this should be a reminder of how we should savor every waking moment, because we don't know how many we'll have. And you definitely should NOT be afraid to talk to him. He was your friend before his diagnosis, and the best thing you can do for him is to keep him as a friend now. I'm sure he'll get depressed from time to time dealing with this, and he'll need you to help cheer him up.

Lord · 11-12-2003, 09:27 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Dalamar Stormcrow:
My friend was diagnosed with a terminal illness, one that strikes a random organ. It has already attacked his kidney's, and it could potentially kill him. Now i just sit in bed, and im afraid to go outside, or talk to him. Help? Please.....

Sorry to hear about that. If it's some sort of contagious disease or something, ask your pediatrition first if it's okay to come close to him.

RevRuby · 11-12-2003, 09:47 PM

i am sorry to hear about your friend.

it is true right now he needs a friend more than naything, but perhaps you need some counseling to learn how to deal with it yourself. it is not an easy thing to ask of anybody to be able to understand and emotionally handle the stress of a friendship with someone who has a terminal illness.

i wish you much luck, and please speak with someone irl about these things.

Larry_OHF · 11-12-2003, 10:29 PM

Man, your friend REALLY needs you. His strength to go on fighting for life is pretty much in your hands, because you can help him get his mind off it, and certainly do not make him feel handicapped or contagious. Put yourself there, in his place. Would you want to cry into your pillow every night before going to bed, knowing that your friends were afraid of you or did not like you anymore and that it was because you might be dying soon? I doubt you would like that.

SpiritWarrior · 11-13-2003, 12:33 AM

Sorry to sound harsh but if It's contagious he shouldn't be outdoors. He may well need you but people who love you need you also.

Bungleau · 11-13-2003, 12:49 AM

I understood the outdoors comment to mean that Dalamar Stormcrow didn't want to go outdoors, not that his friend didn't want to.

*edit* Dalamar, I'm no psychologist, but it sounds like you may be dealing with some depression. Talk to a doctor or counselor about it, just to make sure. Help is available for you, too. */edit*

Dalamar, you have my sympathies. One of my brother's best friends died of leukemia at the age of 21, and a guy in my scout troop died of cancer at the age of 17. Knowing that it's coming doesn't make it any easier.

I just reread your post and you say that it's both "terminal" and "potentially fatal". Sounds like it's not a certainty that he's going to die. That means that the support and assistance of his friends and family will be critical to his future -- if you all ignore him, he may lose any hope of something to live for. Give him support and encouragement. Be a friend, even if it's hard.

I would talk to two people: Your friend, and a counselor of some sort.

I would talk to your friend because at this point, he needs you. Actually, he needs any support, 'cause if you think this is scary for you, put yourself in his shoes. You may only have a little while longer with him -- make the most out of it.

I would talk to a counselor because it's going to be hard on you. Sometimes, he'll be great to be with, and sometimes, you may just sit in a room while he ignores you, curses you, tells you to go away, and so on. Those are the hardest times for him, and they will be hard on you. I'd strongly suggest making sure that you've got someone that you can talk to about this as well -- someone to vent to, scream at, cry with, whatever it takes.

Your parents may not be the right people for this, because they may be too close to you. And I say this as a dad -- I'd be too close to my children to be a complete support, although I'd do what I could. I would help them line up someone else to talk with -- a priest, a counselor at school, or someone else who can support you without judgment.

I'd also encourage you and all your (okay, his) friends to spend time with him, and also to find out more about what he has. One of the best things you can do for him is to educate the blithering idiots who may come to call and say stupid things about his illness. They won't mean them to be stupid, but they will be, and he (and his family) will only be able to explain the same thing so many times.

And whenever you need a pickmeup, come on in here. There's always a comforting shoulder to cry on, arm to hold on to, or whatever else you need. That's one of the great things about this forum.

Peace.

*B*

[ 11-13-2003, 12:51 AM: Message edited by: Bungleau ]

Dragonshadow · 11-13-2003, 08:24 AM

I'm really sorry to hear that.
You ought to talk to him and help him out in the time he's got.

Cloudbringer · 11-13-2003, 08:54 AM

I'm so sorry to hear this! You're going through a scary time, losing a friend. But Bungleau is right, I think. See a counselor and be there as much as you can for your friend who is ill and needs support.

Leonis · 11-13-2003, 09:07 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Dalamar Stormcrow:
My friend was diagnosed with a terminal illness, one that strikes a random organ. It has already attacked his kidney's, and it could potentially kill him. Now i just sit in bed, and im afraid to go outside, or talk to him. Help? Please.....

Hey Dalamar; Vulcan, RevRuby, Larry, Bungleau - they're all right. Your friend needs their friends. You may not know what to say to make them feel better about things; but you may be able to make them laugh, or cry, or get angry or sad. A friend isn't someone who makes everything ok. A friend is someone who's there when everyone else has left. Someone who may be scared to be around them, but still comes over. Someone who has no idea what to do to help or make things better, but is on hand just in case they're needed.

Mate, you can't fix this - that's the doctor's job. The best thing you can do is be there. Don't try to act natural, like nothing's happened. They'll see through it anyway. Be honest, be open and be a friend - as weak or as strong as you can be. They'll appreciate it, believe me.

Take care. Leonis.

11-12-2003, 09:47 PM	#4
RevRuby Fzoul Chembryl Join Date: July 11, 2002 Location: Limbo Age: 44 Posts: 1,720	i am sorry to hear about your friend. it is true right now he needs a friend more than naything, but perhaps you need some counseling to learn how to deal with it yourself. it is not an easy thing to ask of anybody to be able to understand and emotionally handle the stress of a friendship with someone who has a terminal illness. i wish you much luck, and please speak with someone irl about these things. __________________ peek-a-boo

11-12-2003, 10:29 PM	#5
Larry_OHF Ironworks Moderator Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: Midlands, South Carolina Age: 48 Posts: 14,759	Man, your friend REALLY needs you. His strength to go on fighting for life is pretty much in your hands, because you can help him get his mind off it, and certainly do not make him feel handicapped or contagious. Put yourself there, in his place. Would you want to cry into your pillow every night before going to bed, knowing that your friends were afraid of you or did not like you anymore and that it was because you might be dying soon? I doubt you would like that. __________________

11-13-2003, 12:33 AM	#6
SpiritWarrior Jack Burton Join Date: May 31, 2002 Location: Ireland Posts: 5,854	Sorry to sound harsh but if It's contagious he shouldn't be outdoors. He may well need you but people who love you need you also. __________________ Still I feel like a child when I look at the moon, maybe I grew up a little too soon...

11-13-2003, 08:54 AM	#9
Cloudbringer Ironworks Moderator Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: Upstate NY USA Posts: 19,737	I'm so sorry to hear this! You're going through a scary time, losing a friend. But Bungleau is right, I think. See a counselor and be there as much as you can for your friend who is ill and needs support. __________________ "Don't take life for granted." Animal (may he rest in peace)

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11-12-2003, 08:27 PM	#1
Dalamar Stormcrow Banned User Join Date: November 1, 2003 Location: My own little world Age: 33 Posts: 828	My friend was diagnosed with a terminal illness, one that strikes a random organ. It has already attacked his kidney's, and it could potentially kill him. Now i just sit in bed, and im afraid to go outside, or talk to him. Help? Please.....

11-13-2003, 12:49 AM	#7
Bungleau 40th Level Warrior Join Date: October 29, 2001 Location: Western Wilds of Michigan Posts: 11,752	I understood the outdoors comment to mean that Dalamar Stormcrow didn't want to go outdoors, not that his friend didn't want to. edit Dalamar, I'm no psychologist, but it sounds like you may be dealing with some depression. Talk to a doctor or counselor about it, just to make sure. Help is available for you, too. /edit Dalamar, you have my sympathies. One of my brother's best friends died of leukemia at the age of 21, and a guy in my scout troop died of cancer at the age of 17. Knowing that it's coming doesn't make it any easier. I just reread your post and you say that it's both "terminal" and "potentially fatal". Sounds like it's not a certainty that he's going to die. That means that the support and assistance of his friends and family will be critical to his future -- if you all ignore him, he may lose any hope of something to live for. Give him support and encouragement. Be a friend, even if it's hard. I would talk to two people: Your friend, and a counselor of some sort. I would talk to your friend because at this point, he needs you. Actually, he needs any support, 'cause if you think this is scary for you, put yourself in his shoes. You may only have a little while longer with him -- make the most out of it. I would talk to a counselor because it's going to be hard on you. Sometimes, he'll be great to be with, and sometimes, you may just sit in a room while he ignores you, curses you, tells you to go away, and so on. Those are the hardest times for him, and they will be hard on you. I'd strongly suggest making sure that you've got someone that you can talk to about this as well -- someone to vent to, scream at, cry with, whatever it takes. Your parents may not be the right people for this, because they may be too close to you. And I say this as a dad -- I'd be too close to my children to be a complete support, although I'd do what I could. I would help them line up someone else to talk with -- a priest, a counselor at school, or someone else who can support you without judgment. I'd also encourage you and all your (okay, his) friends to spend time with him, and also to find out more about what he has. One of the best things you can do for him is to educate the blithering idiots who may come to call and say stupid things about his illness. They won't mean them to be stupid, but they will be, and he (and his family) will only be able to explain the same thing so many times. And whenever you need a pickmeup, come on in here. There's always a comforting shoulder to cry on, arm to hold on to, or whatever else you need. That's one of the great things about this forum. Peace. B [ 11-13-2003, 12:51 AM: Message edited by: Bungleau ]

11-13-2003, 08:24 AM	#8
Dragonshadow Quth-Maren Join Date: February 17, 2003 Location: Portsmouth Age: 34 Posts: 4,145	I'm really sorry to hear that. You ought to talk to him and help him out in the time he's got.

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