Congress Accidentally Approves Arts Funding!

[Rokenn]

WASHINGTON, DC—A red-faced Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist (R-TN) admitted Monday that, as part of last week's $397 billion spending bill, Congress accidentally allocated $121 million to the National Endowment for the Arts.

"That bill was more than 3,000 pages, single-spaced," Frist added. "It's pretty easy to miss something."

The 2003-04 budget bill, which passed 338-83 in the House and 76-20 in the Senate, boosted defense spending by $98 billion and pledged $27 billion in tax breaks to oil companies and other energy concerns. It also unintentionally allocated more than $120 million to "award financial assistance for projects, productions, workshops, or programs that will encourage public knowledge, understanding, and appreciation of the arts."

"That wording was confusing," Sen. Ted Stevens (R-AK) said. "I did not fully understand what that meant. I assumed it had something to do with scientific or military research, so I voted for it. I'm sure I wasn't the only one to misinterpret that."

On Capitol Hill, countless legislators expressed embarrassment over voting for the bill, admitting that the arts funding simply slipped by them.

"I don't know how this could have happened," Rep. Gil Gutknecht (R-MN) said. "I thought I read the thing pretty carefully, but toward the bottom of page 117, those four words are right there in black and white: American Jazz Masters Fellowship."

Making the blow even more severe is the fact that the NEA will have the power to determine how the funds are distributed.

"As I understand it, not only will the government provide money for paintings and poems, it will have little say over how that money is used," Gutknecht said. "This means some limp-wristed NEA member will decide what qualifies as art rather than Congress or the president. Remind me never to skim a bill again, no matter how long it is."

"In those final, frantic days of House-Senate bargaining, money was flying everywhere," Bayh said. "$3.1 billion to subsidize cattle ranchers here, $1.5 billion to help states revamp their electoral systems there. I can see how, in all that chaos, $185,000 for the Dance Theater of Harlem could get overlooked."

Many citizens do not excuse the lawmakers' negligence.

"These congressmen must be held accountable," said Ronald Drake, a Lincoln, NE, hardware-store owner. "My hard-earned tax dollars will be supporting repertory theaters and art galleries—places no decent, hard-working American would ever set foot in. And then there's the museums I always hear about on the news, with the dirty photos and whatnot."

Some senators tried to defuse criticism by playing up the "many wonderful parts" of the bill.

"We need to keep this in perspective," Sen. Chuck Hagel (R-NE) said. "Let's try to focus on the $390 million that will go toward mineral drilling in Alaska's Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, rather than the $15,000 that may wind up going to some guy who wants to put on a Shakespeare play."

Added Hagel: "I can't be everywhere at once. It was [bipartisan Budget Committee member and Republican Colorado Rep. Tom] Tancredo's job to look out for things like this."

While Rep. Debbie Stabenow (D-MI) introduced the line item that grants the NEA chairperson the power to award literature fellowships, she said she never expected it to be approved.

"I always throw some doomed things in there so we have something to take out," Stabenow said. "This time, I put the arts funding in to distract everyone from the section allocating money for school-breakfast programs in low-income districts. Live and learn."

Dana Gioia, the internationally acclaimed poet, critic, and educator who was recently named NEA chairman, was "as shocked as anyone" by the financial windfall.

"I can't wait to start making calls," Gioia said. "There's a Latina artist in Los Angeles who makes these amazing multimedia collages that combine the religious iconography of her strict Catholic upbringing with photographs of horse vaginas."

source

[Davros]

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahaha - wipes tears from his eyes. That is one of the funniest articles I have read for some time. I have to ask is it really true?

Highlights for me :

The guy who thought it was defence spending so he voted yes

The guy who put in the ambit claims so that he had soemthing to take out being surprised they would pass the whoel thing

The cranky taxpayer [img]smile.gif[/img] .

[Timber Loftis]

"I don't know how this could have happened," Rep. Gil Gutknecht (R-MN) said. "I thought I read the thing pretty carefully, but toward the bottom of page 117, those four words are right there in black and white: American Jazz Masters Fellowship." Making the blow even more severe is the fact that the NEA will have the power to determine how the funds are distributed. "As I understand it, not only will the government provide money for paintings and poems, it will have little say over how that money is used," Gutknecht said. "This means some limp-wristed NEA member will decide what qualifies as art rather than Congress or the president. Remind me never to skim a bill again, no matter how long it is."

Translation: Mr. Gutknecht either has 0 social skills or represses his wet dreams involving soddamy. Note that Congress and The President deciding "what art is" thrills me about as much as a coalition of Martin Sheen, Sean Penn, Geneane Garafalo, Fred Durst, and Sherly Crow taking over the White House on deciding what to do about Iraq.

This whole thing was absolutely hilarious. R-O-F-L-M-A-O [img]graemlins/thewave.gif[/img] What a horrible bloated waste of human effort and existence the government is. Though I certainly *shudder* at the thought of the "catholic images/horse vagina pictures collage art" mentioned by the dropped-too-often-as-a-child wacko NEA chick, I certainly think this whole thing is a result of "instant karma's gonna get you" upon the government.

[ 03-12-2003, 05:56 PM: Message edited by: Timber Loftis ]

[Ar-Cunin]

Remind me to add a few lines about money to me next year

[Timber Loftis]

"We need to keep this in perspective," Sen. Chuck Hagel (R-NE) said. "Let's try to focus on the $390 million that will go toward mineral drilling in Alaska's Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, rather than the $15,000 that may wind up going to some guy who wants to put on a Shakespeare play."

Translation: Let's focus on how we were absolutely stupid and irresponsible with our planet and our future generations rather than how even though we had an army of assistants we simply couldn't be bothered to do our homework.

[Timber Loftis]

Yes, I know it's THE ONION, but I'm having some fun anyway.

[Gil-Galad]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Rokenn:
[QB]WASHINGTON, DC—A red-faced Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist (R-TN) admitted Monday that, as part of last week's $397 billion spending bill, Congress accidentally allocated $121 million to the National Endowment for the Arts.

I wonder why the poor man was embarrased. Is art a crime?
In any case, 121 million is peanuts in that budget. It is a joke.
I wonder just how much money they just poured into developing Weapons of Mass Destruction...

[Kakero]

so what are they gonna do? take back the funding? shesh!

[Timber Loftis]

Actually, kakero, (1) it's a joke from a parody newspaper's website, (2) they would correct the error during the technical corrections markup most likely.

[Kakero]

uhh...kinda hard to tell whether it's a joke. maybe I need to translate it into another language.