What do Gods and Goddesses get up to?

[Rokenn]

A little pagan humor I ran across on another board...

Scene: A wood.
In the distance is an eclectic group of neo-pagans. Far off in the twilight beyond the shadow of woods stand two gigantic figures looming large in the darkness. One is clad simply in a toga, the other stands like a primordial figure from the dawn of time covered in animal furs, with a crude horned helm adding to his titanic stature.... Two figures hiding in the woods spot each other.

Thor: Evening.

Zeus: Evening. God?

Thor: Yep. You too?

Zeus. Yep.Pause

Thor: How long ago did they invoke you?

Zeus: About half an hour. Still singing those aweful songs though.

Thor: We all come from the Goddess? Which Goddess? My mother, Giord, my wife, Sif, my daugther Thrud? My cousin Oester? they never say which one and boy does
that get the ladies in my household mad!

Zeus: That's the dirge. Cheek. You've heard that other one? We are the old people, we are the new people, we are same people, wiser from before?
Thor: Yeah. What do you make of it?

Zeus: Olympus knows. If they're so bloody wise why can't they work out whether they're old, new or the same? Where you from?

Thor: Up North. Thunder God.

Zeus: Hey, really? Me too! King of the Gods round our way. You?

Thor: Sometimes, depends on the saga. Oh look, they're sacrificing some stuff.

In the circle some mead is poured onto the ground. Thor holds hands
outand mead flows into them from the ground.

Thor: How am I supposed to get rat-faced on this? Half a bloody thimbleful.

Zeus. What is it?

Thor: Mead. Made from honey.

Zeus: Alcoholic?

Thor: Yep.

Cerridwen: Evening boys.

Thor and Zeus: Whoa Nelly!

Cerridwen: Pour it in this cauldron.

Thor does so. Cauldron fills with mead.

Thor: I have GOT to get me one of those!

Zeus (drinking): Mmmm. Nice. That eye-tie girl, Fortuna, she's got a horn like that. Keeps it stuffed with fruit all the time though. This is good stuff. Let's pass it round before the wine gets poured.

Thor: Wine?

Zeus: O, believe me, if you like this stuff you're gonna love wine. Hey girlie, where you from?

Cerridwen: Wales. Got left out of the 7 Goddess chant because Americans think Wales is part of England or something. And they never pour cider in this damn country. COME ON OUT LADS.

Various pantheons of deities emerge from trees, gather round and scoop mead.

Venus: Honey! It's booze made from honey! And bees are sacred to me! Why didn't my priestesses think of this?

Zeus: Heads up, here comes the wine!

In the distance, wine is poured on the ground. Dionysus holds out hands,wine flows from ground and he pours it into the cauldron. Cauldron fills with wine. Deities greedily scoop up and drink.

Long pause

Thor: What is this crap?

Zeus: Whaddya mean, this is wine. This is good stuff. This is, this
is... this is NON-ALCOHOLIC! WHO ORDERED THIS?

Evil Demon: It is I, Alconon, Lord of the Twelve Steps! ...
Where'severyone going?

Gods and Goddesses disperse, mumbling. In the distance, the ritual continues for hours and hours and hours..

[antryg]

I've finally found religion. I will serve thee oh Alconon and follow in thy 12 steps.

[Lord Starshadow]

Originally posted by Rokenn: Zeus: Whaddya mean, this is wine. This is good stuff. This is, this is... this is NON-ALCOHOLIC! WHO ORDERED THIS?

Isn't that a smitable offense? [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img]

[Yorick]

Originally posted by Rokenn: Zeus: Hey, really? Me too! King of the Gods round our way. You? Thor: Sometimes, depends on the saga. Oh look, they're sacrificing some stuff. .

Alas poor Odin. I knew him Woden. Thor stole his thunder again hey?

Depends on the saga indeed.

Hey Thor gets a day: Thorsday.....Thursday.

Woden got Wodensday.....Wednesday

Freya got Friday

Zeus' daddy Saturn got Saturday (Saturns day)

The Sun and the moon have a day each, so that just leaves Teu a god of war who got the remaining day.

But does anyone care to explain why OCTober is the 10th month instead of the eight month? Why NOVember is eleven not nine, and why DECember is 12 and not 10. Heck even SEPTember is 9 and not seven.

Must be tied in with the leap year stuff. Errors all round.

They could have added Julius Caesers month (July) and Augustus Caesers month (August) at the end of the year instead of in the middle. But did they?

No.

Who is 'they' anyway?

[Grojlach]

Originally posted by Yorick: But does anyone care to explain why OCTober is the 10th month instead of the eight month? Why NOVember is eleven not nine, and why DECember is 12 and not 10. Heck even SEPTember is 9 and not seven. Must be tied in with the leap year stuff. Errors all round. They could have added Julius Caesers month (July) and Augustus Caesers month (August) at the end of the year instead of in the middle. But did they?

Actually, I think the year used to start in March, which would explain SEPtember, OCTober, NOVember and DECember. But it's been a while since I've heard about it in highschool, I could be wrong.

[dragon_lord]

Originally posted by Grojlach: Actually, I think the year used to start in March, which would explain SEPtember, OCTober, NOVember and DECember. But it's been a while since I've heard about it in highschool, I could be wrong.

Yes that is correct, have a look at this site to see where the months got there names from and how they have changed.