Why We don't stand a chance Men.

John D Harris · 01-04-2003, 06:20 PM

WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the
woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I
noticed a remote control for a television set in her
purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping
with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could
do to him."
---------------------------------
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never
understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto
your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be
afraid of a spider.

----------------------------------------------------------
SECTIONAL, SCHMECTIONAL

An elderly woman entered a large furniture store and was
greeted by a much younger salesman. "Is there something in
particular I can show you?" he asked. "Yes, I want to buy a
sexual sofa." "You mean a sectional sofa," he suggested.

"Sectional, schmectional," she bitterly retorted. "All I want
is an occasional piece in the living room!"

---------------------------------------------------
HEY! WAIT A MINUTE...

I said to my wife, "Guess what I heard in the pub? They
reckon the milkman has made love to every woman in our road
except one."

And she said, "I'll bet it's that stuck-up Phyllis at number
23."

----------------------------------------------------------
DIFFERENT IDEAS

A couple are lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make
you the happiest woman in the world!"

The woman says, dryly, "I'll miss you."
------------------------------------------------
NO CABBAGE FOR YOU

Two elderly ladies meet at the launderette after not seeing
one another for some time. After inquiring about each
other's health one asked how the other's husband was doing.

"Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up
a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down
dead, right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!"

"Oh dear! I'm very sorry," replied her friend. "What did you
do?"
"Opened a can of peas instead!"

Hivetyrant · 01-04-2003, 06:27 PM

LOL. Very good

Arvon · 01-04-2003, 07:29 PM

Good group...*LOL*

karlosovic · 01-05-2003, 02:48 AM

A plane developed engine trouble over the atlantic and was going to crash.
One woman ripped off her shirt, turned to her husband and said,
"We're going to die but I want you to make me feel like a Woman one last time !"

Her husband took off his own shirt and handed it to her,
"good, you can iron this for me"

karlosovic · 01-05-2003, 02:51 AM

Oh, and why do women have small feet ?
So they can stand closer to the sink

Ps Hivetyrant, my mighty Space Wolves will tear your pansey tyranids apart [img]smile.gif[/img]

homer · 01-05-2003, 02:51 AM

hee-hee-hee. I like that one.

shadowhound · 01-05-2003, 03:01 AM

Most of these are VERY old jokes... but I can't help myself

Why do brides dress in white?

To match all the other appliences (now I have managed to annoy all the females in IW)

/)eathKiller · 01-05-2003, 08:33 AM

Oldies but goodies, though I am a tad frightened to say anything more

*ducks and runs from female-fired projectile storm*

Cloudbringer · 01-05-2003, 09:20 AM

[img]tongue.gif[/img] There seems to be an abundance of testosterone in here! LOL [img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img]
Oldies, but yes, they are amusing!

9_1_6 · 01-05-2003, 10:19 AM

[img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img]

01-04-2003, 06:20 PM	#1
John D Harris Ninja Storm Shadow Join Date: March 27, 2001 Location: Northport,Alabama, USA Age: 62 Posts: 3,577	WOMEN'S REVENGE "Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him." --------------------------------- UNDERSTANDING WOMEN I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider. ---------------------------------------------------------- SECTIONAL, SCHMECTIONAL An elderly woman entered a large furniture store and was greeted by a much younger salesman. "Is there something in particular I can show you?" he asked. "Yes, I want to buy a sexual sofa." "You mean a sectional sofa," he suggested. "Sectional, schmectional," she bitterly retorted. "All I want is an occasional piece in the living room!" --------------------------------------------------- HEY! WAIT A MINUTE... I said to my wife, "Guess what I heard in the pub? They reckon the milkman has made love to every woman in our road except one." And she said, "I'll bet it's that stuck-up Phyllis at number 23." ---------------------------------------------------------- DIFFERENT IDEAS A couple are lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world!" The woman says, dryly, "I'll miss you." ------------------------------------------------ NO CABBAGE FOR YOU Two elderly ladies meet at the launderette after not seeing one another for some time. After inquiring about each other's health one asked how the other's husband was doing. "Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead, right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!" "Oh dear! I'm very sorry," replied her friend. "What did you do?" "Opened a can of peas instead!" __________________ Crustiest of the OLD COOTS "Donating mirrors for years to help the Liberal/Socialist find their collective rear-ends, because both hands doesn't seem to be working. Veitnam 61-65:KIA 1864 66:KIA 5008 67:KIA 9378 68:KIA 14594 69:KIA 9414 70:KIA 4221 71:KIA 1380 72:KIA 300 Afghanistan2001-2008 KIA 585 2009-2012 KIA 1465 and counting Davros 1 Much abliged Massachusetts

01-04-2003, 07:29 PM	#3
Arvon Unicorn Join Date: October 4, 2001 Location: Kingdom of the West,..P.o. Cynagus Posts: 4,212	Good group...LOL __________________ 53.7% of all statistics are made up

01-05-2003, 02:48 AM	#4
karlosovic Drizzt Do'Urden Join Date: December 1, 2002 Location: Newcastle, Australia Age: 46 Posts: 636	A plane developed engine trouble over the atlantic and was going to crash. One woman ripped off her shirt, turned to her husband and said, "We're going to die but I want you to make me feel like a Woman one last time !" Her husband took off his own shirt and handed it to her, "good, you can iron this for me" __________________ Sunglasses of Coolness +2<br /><br />Cernd: \"It is with great pride and pleasure that I accept this Most Valuable Player award....\"<br />(from the genius of Six of Spades)

01-05-2003, 02:51 AM	#5
karlosovic Drizzt Do'Urden Join Date: December 1, 2002 Location: Newcastle, Australia Age: 46 Posts: 636	Oh, and why do women have small feet ? So they can stand closer to the sink Ps Hivetyrant, my mighty Space Wolves will tear your pansey tyranids apart [img]smile.gif[/img] __________________ Sunglasses of Coolness +2<br /><br />Cernd: \"It is with great pride and pleasure that I accept this Most Valuable Player award....\"<br />(from the genius of Six of Spades)

01-05-2003, 02:51 AM	#6
homer Manshoon Join Date: November 11, 2001 Location: couch Age: 52 Posts: 180	hee-hee-hee. I like that one. __________________ You tried and you failed; the lesson is, never try. - Homer

01-04-2003, 06:27 PM	#2
Hivetyrant Jack Burton Join Date: August 24, 2002 Location: Aussie now in the US of A! Age: 37 Posts: 5,403	LOL. Very good

01-05-2003, 03:01 AM	#7
shadowhound Ma'at - Goddess of Truth & Justice Join Date: November 24, 2001 Location: Australia Age: 37 Posts: 3,281	Most of these are VERY old jokes... but I can't help myself Why do brides dress in white? To match all the other appliences (now I have managed to annoy all the females in IW) __________________ Carpe Noctem: Ph’nglui mglw’nafh cthulhu r’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn.

01-05-2003, 08:33 AM	#8
/)eathKiller Dracolisk Join Date: January 5, 2002 Location: Guantanamo Bay, Cuba Age: 38 Posts: 6,043	Oldies but goodies, though I am a tad frightened to say anything more ducks and runs from female-fired projectile storm __________________ [img]\"http://membres.lycos.fr/th8or/ZeroSigForIronworks.gif\" alt=\" - \" /> o.o;

01-05-2003, 09:20 AM	#9
Cloudbringer Ironworks Moderator Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: Upstate NY USA Posts: 19,737	[img]tongue.gif[/img] There seems to be an abundance of testosterone in here! LOL [img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img] Oldies, but yes, they are amusing! __________________ "Don't take life for granted." Animal (may he rest in peace)

01-05-2003, 10:19 AM	#10
9_1_6 Elminster Join Date: November 2, 2002 Location: ♣♣♣ Age: 38 Posts: 457	[img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img] __________________ <img border=\"0\" alt=\"[dancing]\" title=\"\" src=\"graemlins/dancing.gif\" /> <img border=\"0\" alt=\"[dancing]\" title=\"\" src=\"graemlins/dancing.gif\" /> 9_1_6 <img border=\"0\" alt=\"[dancing]\" title=\"\" src=\"graemlins/dancing.gif\" /> <img border=\"0\" alt=\"[dancing]\" title=\"\" src=\"graemlins/dancing.gif\" /> <br />LIQUID STICK PEOPLE!

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