Should I get involved with this or...

[Neb]

I'd tell the husband of the woman that's having the affair, after suggesting to the other guy that he should tell it himself. I'd prefer keeping a friend that did not have affairs with his friends' wives....

Originally posted by Sir Goulum: But, if she is having an affair, then she would obviously want to continue. Otherwise she would not have wanted to start it in the first place

that's not what I mean [img]smile.gif[/img]

If she loves BOTH people, she may have trouble differentiating. She needs to be pushed to choose between them to be honest. Maybe you could act neutral and discuss it with her [img]smile.gif[/img]

however, if you plunge in headfirst and tell your other friend, you could lose two friends (who also break from each other AND the girl) and everybody loses

[Earthdog]

Originally posted by Epona: I'm going to offer a different viewpoint than the others. Do nothing. It is not your problem, you have done nothing wrong. If you tell the husband, you risk losing both your friends - the one who confided in you (it would be a betrayal to break that confidence) and the husband you told - IMO you rarely get thanked for letting on to something like that. I would however talk to the friend that confided in you, but don't make any ultimatums. It really isn't your problem, don't take it too much to heart.

I agree with this completely. Stay out of it. I would advise my friend to break it off at the minimum. Advising him to fess up could get him killed, and possibly the woman too.

After advising your friend to break it off dont go near him for a very long time. As far as that goes dont go near the other friend either. If the poor guy who got cheated on finds out that you knew about it he will blame you for not telling him. You lose a friend or two either way.

Stay clear of the whole stinking mess.

Originally posted by Earthdog: I agree with this completely. Stay out of it. I would advise my friend to break it off at the minimum. Advising him to fess up could get him killed, and possibly the woman too. After advising your friend to break it off dont go near him for a very long time. As far as that goes dont go near the other friend either. If the poor guy who got cheated on finds out that you knew about it he will blame you for not telling him. You lose a friend or two either way. Stay clear of the whole stinking mess.

If you know about it, and your concionce lets you live with that, then you have to deal with what happens when the "friend" who is in the dark finds out you knew all along and said nothing. You loose that friend..and you have already lost the pair that are having the affair in all likelyhood, so you end up with no friends and possibly a really low image of your own honor...no? The "friend" who put you in this nasty mess in the first place by confiding in you deserves 50 lashes...or at least to have his beer supply cut off for an hour.

[johnny]

Originally posted by MagiK: quote: Originally posted by Earthdog: I agree with this completely. Stay out of it. I would advise my friend to break it off at the minimum. Advising him to fess up could get him killed, and possibly the woman too. After advising your friend to break it off dont go near him for a very long time. As far as that goes dont go near the other friend either. If the poor guy who got cheated on finds out that you knew about it he will blame you for not telling him. You lose a friend or two either way. Stay clear of the whole stinking mess.

If you know about it, and your concionce lets you live with that, then you have to deal with what happens when the "friend" who is in the dark finds out you knew all along and said nothing. You loose that friend..and you have already lost the pair that are having the affair in all likelyhood, so you end up with no friends and possibly a really low image of your own honor...no? The "friend" who put you in this nasty mess in the first place by confiding in you deserves 50 lashes...or at least to have his beer supply cut off for an hour. [/QUOTE]An hour ? Don't go soft on me now magiK, it should be at least an hour and a half.

Originally posted by johnny: An hour ? Don't go soft on me now magiK, it should be at least an hour and a half.

Hey now! Don't go getting all cruel and unusual in your punishments....your messing with a mans beer here....

[Sir Kenyth]

LISTEN UP!~

The young and inexperienced may be tempted to tell the husband right off the bat. DON'T! It WILL end bad that way and YOU will be the bad guy. On the flip side if you do nothing and your friend finds out you knew and didn't tell him, you'll also look like the bad guy for letting him play the chump. Like it or not you're stuck in the middle by this. Your best bet is to talk to the girl first and keep your adulterous friend posted. Be warned, he won't like you for this. Tell her you know she is cheating on her husband and with whom. Give her 30 days to break it off with one or the other. Her choice to do the "stand-up" thing. If she breaks off the affair, her lover will have to disappear from thier life, permanently! Husband and wife both. The stage of remaining friends at this point is over. At the end of 30 days if you even suspect she is still seeing him, you will tell the husband. Stand firm, and make sure things are understood clearly. No if's, and's, or but's. That's the bottom line. Don't put up with any procrastination at all. No delays, no excuses! Don't discuss and banter with her endlessly. Simply leave once you're through with your statement. That will make you look firm in your resolution. Hopefully, things will work themselves out from there and his feelings will be spared. If not, you will have to tell him and brave the storm. Other than that, if you don't have the guts for the "stand-up" thing, the only thing you can do is remain silent and feel guilty.

I think you should remain silent and try and live with it, Jorath. Although it is tempting to get involved, you're going to end up hurting at least one person; why meddle in other people's affairs if it is only going to rock the boat?

I am sure the situation does bother you, but I believe the best thing you can do is stand back and let events run their course. This is only going to end in tears and fighting, and do you really want to be a part of that?

[johnny]

Originally posted by Sir Kenyth: LISTEN UP!~ The young and inexperienced may be tempted to tell the husband right off the bat. DON'T! It WILL end bad that way and YOU will be the bad guy. On the flip side if you do nothing and your friend finds out you knew and didn't tell him, you'll also look like the bad guy for letting him play the chump. Like it or not you're stuck in the middle by this. Your best bet is to talk to the girl first and keep your adulterous friend posted. Be warned, he won't like you for this. Tell her you know she is cheating on her husband and with whom. Give her 30 days to break it off with one or the other. Her choice to do the "stand-up" thing. If she breaks off the affair, her lover will have to disappear from thier life, permanently! Husband and wife both. The stage of remaining friends at this point is over. At the end of 30 days if you even suspect she is still seeing him, you will tell the husband. Stand firm, and make sure things are understood clearly. No if's, and's, or but's. That's the bottom line. Don't put up with any procrastination at all. No delays, no excuses! Don't discuss and banter with her endlessly. Simply leave once you're through with your statement. That will make you look firm in your resolution. Hopefully, things will work themselves out from there and his feelings will be spared. If not, you will have to tell him and brave the storm. Other than that, if you don't have the guts for the "stand-up" thing, the only thing you can do is remain silent and feel guilty.

So you'd give her the chance to screw around for one more month ? No way, i'd give her 48 hours at the most. His other friend has a right to know what's going on, so don't wait that long.

[Sir Kenyth]

Originally posted by johnny: quote: Originally posted by Sir Kenyth: LISTEN UP!~ The young and inexperienced may be tempted to tell the husband right off the bat. DON'T! It WILL end bad that way and YOU will be the bad guy. On the flip side if you do nothing and your friend finds out you knew and didn't tell him, you'll also look like the bad guy for letting him play the chump. Like it or not you're stuck in the middle by this. Your best bet is to talk to the girl first and keep your adulterous friend posted. Be warned, he won't like you for this. Tell her you know she is cheating on her husband and with whom. Give her 30 days to break it off with one or the other. Her choice to do the "stand-up" thing. If she breaks off the affair, her lover will have to disappear from thier life, permanently! Husband and wife both. The stage of remaining friends at this point is over. At the end of 30 days if you even suspect she is still seeing him, you will tell the husband. Stand firm, and make sure things are understood clearly. No if's, and's, or but's. That's the bottom line. Don't put up with any procrastination at all. No delays, no excuses! Don't discuss and banter with her endlessly. Simply leave once you're through with your statement. That will make you look firm in your resolution. Hopefully, things will work themselves out from there and his feelings will be spared. If not, you will have to tell him and brave the storm. Other than that, if you don't have the guts for the "stand-up" thing, the only thing you can do is remain silent and feel guilty.

So you'd give her the chance to screw around for one more month ? No way, i'd give her 48 hours at the most. His other friend has a right to know what's going on, so don't wait that long.[/QUOTE]You can't cut off a relationship in that short amount of time. The spurned lover is going to try coming around for some time before the message will get through. Do what you want I guess. You know the situation better than me. If she has just made a mistake and truly loves her husband, then there's no need to destroy the relationship. Ignorance is bliss. If she's as trashy as she sounds you'll probably have to end up telling him anyway. She'll want to have her cake and eat it too, so she won't break it off with either. Girls who cheat are like monkeys swinging in trees. They won't let go of one good branch until they have a good hold of the next one. At any rate, prepare for an ugly situation. As far as staying silent goes, that's the chickens#!t way out in my opinion.