The loss of video games...(OR: Why I hate my stepfather)

[robertthebard]

Originally posted by Luvian: quote: Originally posted by Cerek the Barbaric: quote: Originally posted by Luvian: There is a difference between an adult discarding a kid's stuff, and an adult discarding another adult's stuff. Just because he is possibly not paying a part of the rent does not mean he does not have the right to own his own things.

I agree that he should not have thrown the CD's away (and I still hold out hope that the mother intervened to prevent that). However, I also agree that the stepdad had a right to confiscate the games if he felt they were interfering with sauceman's school grades. [/QUOTE]That's where I disagree with you. He is an adult, his stepfather, or even his mother, have no more legal right over him. He is as much an adult as you. Are you saying your father would have the right to burn your house down if he felt you were not working hard enough at your job? [/QUOTE]In as much as I stand by what I've both posted here, and PM'd in response to certain other members, no. If an 18 year old wants his room to be private, then pay rent. Otherwise, buck up and do what needs to be done. While I vehemently disagree with the sf's actions, it is his house. I've had this debate with my 12 year old several times about who makes the rules, and why. If she wants to make the rules, then she can pay the bills. I work hard to keep this family going, and I don't feel that she has the right to dictate to me what will and will not happen in this house, unless, she is paying her own way.

[Luvian]

Originally posted by robertthebard: In as much as I stand by what I've both posted here, and PM'd in response to certain other members, no. If an 18 year old wants his room to be private, then pay rent. Otherwise, buck up and do what needs to be done. While I vehemently disagree with the sf's actions, it is his house. I've had this debate with my 12 year old several times about who makes the rules, and why. If she wants to make the rules, then she can pay the bills. I work hard to keep this family going, and I don't feel that she has the right to dictate to me what will and will not happen in this house, unless, she is paying her own way.

There is something most of you don't seem to realize. He is an adult. His parents have no more authority on him than your parents do on you.

Living for free with his parents has no relevance. I could go live for free at my best friend's house, and I would still be owning everything I bought myself. He would have no right to discard my stuff or punish me in any way, the ONLY legal right he would have over me is that he can throw me out of he feel like it.

You are all thinking about your own children, and the keyword here here is children, as in kid, and giving biased opinions. Forget that the individual involved is his stepfather, this has no relevance in this destruction of material between two adults. They stoped having any legal authority over him when he became an adult, they have the right to throw him out, but he has as many right as them, including a right to privacy.

There is a huge difference between a 12 years girl and an adult.

[ 05-28-2003, 09:30 PM: Message edited by: Luvian ]

[Cerek the Barbaric]

Originally posted by Luvian: That's where I disagree with you. He is an adult, his stepfather, or even his mother, have no more legal right over him. He is as much an adult as you. Are you saying your father would have the right to burn your house down if he felt you were not working hard enough at your job?

OK....now you're just getting ridiculous. Since I no longer live with my parents, then "NO", they have no authority over how I spend my money or my time - and they have no right to damage or destroy my property.

However, when I DID live at home and was attending high school and college, my parents most assuredly DID have authority over my actions. I was 19 when I got my first speeding ticket...and my dad took away my license for 3 months. I was an adult, but it was still HIS house, HIS car, and HIS rules. Age does not equal maturity.

The stepdad might be a Class A Buttwipe, but he is still paying the bills for saucemans education. He is also providing him a place to live and food to eat. That most assuredly DOES give him some authority over his actions - especially regarding his grades.

If sauceman moves out of the house, pays his own bills, and also pays for his own education...then he can tell his stepdad to [img]graemlins/finger.gif[/img]

I don't really know what you're looking for here, Luvian. I've agreed that the stepdad should NOT have thrown the CD's in the trash. I also agreed it was a sleazy way to go about complaining about saucemans grades. The stepdad should have been mature enough himself to go directly to Steven and say "No more computer games until the Economics grade comes up". But he didn't...and the sad fact is that there isn't a great deal Steve can do about it right now. So the best thing he can do is follow the path of "least resistance" regarding his stepdad until his situation changes.

[Luvian]

What I'm trying to do is explain than a person who is of age to be considered an adult has no legal obligation to obey his parents, and the parents have no legal rights over the child (who is an adult).

You obeyed your parents while you were an adult and living with them, but you had no legal obligation to do so, maybe moral ones, but that's all.

Edit: And I'm not talking about maturity. You had every right to refuse giving him your driver license. He might have booted you from his house, but he had no right to punish you without your permssion. You accepted his punishment out of respect and moral obligation over your parents, but you had every right to refuse. That's what I'm trying to explain.

[ 05-28-2003, 10:56 PM: Message edited by: Luvian ]

[Ken Rauhl]

goddamnit, all of you need to stop. Steven doesnt need most of the opinions posted here. didnt u guys notice he didnt even reply even though when he was on earlier?

[Bungleau]

Ken: I suggest a chill-out. Losing a bunch of games is not the end of the world, though it is regrettable. They can be replaced, one way or another. I don't condone sauceman's SF's actions, but I can understand them. Last I saw, no kid was born with an owner's manual, although you can buy a few hundred attempts at it at the store. Funny thing is that the more you read, the more you discover they offer conflicting stories -- one says left, the other says right.

And there are *definitely* no manuals issued when becoming a step-parent. I'm not sure I've seen a lot of those on the shelves.

In any case, parenting, from my now six-plus years of experience, is a lot of anticipation followed by flying by the seat of your pants. You make the best decisions you can in the situation, and hope that it was the right one. If not, you try to make it better later on.

I support the SF intervening to try to remove distractions to help sauceman get his grades up. I don't support the approach, especially if it involved actually throwing away a number of games; temporary confiscation is far better, IMHO. It's amazing what you can do when the power cable disappears...

When I was finishing high school (and you don't have to be 18 to finish, folks...), my dad explained the rules of his house, where I was living: his house, his rules. If I didn't like them, there was the door. I could discuss the rules, but they were there, and pretty straightforward. Curfew, chores... the list goes on, but not too long.

After I moved out, my dad used to joke about the rules. I've turned them back on him: my house, my rules. He agrees. In my house, he smokes outside, on the porch or in the garage. His house, wherever he wants.

One thing both of us know now -- neither one wants to live under the other's roof [img]smile.gif[/img] We've staked our turf, and we're keeping it.

Whose house is it? Whose food? Whose furniture? Whose car? Whose computer? Whose electricity? Truth is, as a child living under your parents' roof (be you two or twenty-two), there ain't a whole lot of fair. Parents can always bring out the "when you pay the mortgage..." argument, and you don't have a lot to fall back on.

Sauceman, I empathize with you; your situation stinks right now, and if I were you, I'd be counting the days to graduation and trying to figure out just where I was going to live after that. I might do some additional investigation to try to find out if the games are really gone, and I might also make sure that my SF knew just how much those games cost... that it wasn't 20 or 30 dollars or pounds, but a whole lot more than that.

Bottom line is that someone in the situation has to be an adult, or it can get way out of hand. If your SF is not being the adult well enough, you're best served by being the adult yourself. It sounds like you've been trying to do that all along, so I wish you peace and good luck as you make it through the next several weeks until you can put this behind you.

Peace.

*B*

[Memnoch]

Originally posted by Ken Rauhl: goddamnit, all of you need to stop. Steven doesnt need most of the opinions posted here. didnt u guys notice he didnt even reply even though when he was on earlier?

Friendly reminder: take it easy on the language, mate. We're not prudes, and we don't mind a bit of cussing here and there, everyone does it. Just don't make a habit of it, eh?

[Cristian]

my mom is the same but i hide my games from now on

[quietman1920]

Guys, I've been away & today (Thursday the 29th) is the first time I've read this thread. I've read the whole thread and I think I see something that no one else has picked up on.

Sauceman, you're a senior in HS with a job. Your grades are average to above average.

Q: Are you going to college after graduation?

I'm not trying to be nosey...its just that the point I'm about to make will be blown out of the water if you are. If you are not, then this may be step one towards someone trying to goad you into a fight to justify kicking you out of 'his' house.

I happen to work with a very enlightened neanderthal who is bragging about how he'll 'teach his step son' by making life so hard on him, he'll have to 'take charge of his life' (read as: move out of the new house my wife just bought). He happens to be playing games with his kid's head with car insurance and computer access too...but hasn't thrown anything out. He's making chessboard moves to 'mate' the kid out of the house though. Now, is my coworker a worthless waste of life to mess with his kid? Yes. But he's doing it and he's clever enough (and heartless enough) to pull it off.

Sauceman, maybe I'm Way off base here, but you better store your remaining CDs at your best friends house. You'll have to sit on your hands until graduation too (No Retaliation...you'll play into his hands). If you are moving out, ignore all of this until its time to move out and 99% of your stuff is moved (including your computer). Then make sure you move the TV & VCR out with you while the Jerk is at work. Should someone ask for it back (and he just might)tell him sure...right after he mails you the software CDs he 'borrowed'...

[Ken Rauhl]

Originally posted by quietman1920: (No Retaliation...you'll play into his hands). [/QB]