women fight back

[ʆë®Ñï†Ý]

I enjoyed these [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img] ouch! You guys might have seen some before.

"
For all men who like to send blonde jokes, women fight back...
>
>How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
Both of them.

>
>Why did the man cross the road?
He heard the chicken was a slut.

>
>Why don't women blink during foreplay?
They don't have time.
>

>Why does it take1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They don't stop and >ask for directions.

>
>What do men and sperm have in common?
They both have a one-in-a-million>chance of becoming a human being.

>
>How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
He buys two cases>of beer.
>

>What is the difference between men and government bonds?
The bonds mature.

>
>Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.

>
>How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don't know>it has never happened.

>
>Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and
>good-looking?
They already have boyfriends.

>
>Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home,>see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see>what's in bed and go to the fridge.

>
>What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in
>common?
They're married.

>
>Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
>God says: "So you would love her." "But God," the man says, "why did you>make her so dumb?"
>God says: "So she would love you."

>
>One day, three men were hiking and unexpectedly came upon a large
raging,>violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of>how to do so.

>The first man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the
strength to>cross this river." Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was>able to swim across the river in about two hours, after almost drowning a>couple of times.

>Seeing this, the second man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me>the strength and the tools to cross this river." Poof! God gave him a>rowboat>and he was able to row across the river in about an hour, after>almost capsizing the boat a couple of times.

>The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he
also>prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength and the tools and>the intelligence to cross this river." And Poof! God turned him into a>woman.

She looked at the map, hiked upstream a couple of hundred
>yards, then walked across the bridge.

[Epona]

Originally posted by ʆë®Ñï†Ý: >Why are married women heavier than single women? Single women come home,>see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see>what's in bed and go to the fridge.

Oh streuth, that one nearly killed me!

[Dundee Slaytern]

How convenient. After reading Jerome's story, I badly needed a humour fix.

What?!?! Even guys need to laugh at themselves once in a while.

[Jorath Calar]

Lol... the sad thing is it is true... sorry... [img]smile.gif[/img]

[ʆë®Ñï†Ý]

here's another [img]graemlins/laugh2.gif[/img]

ADAM AND EVE
>
>God was just about done creating the universe but he had two extra
>things left over in his bag so he decided to split them between Adam
>and Eve.
>
>He told them that one of the things he had left was a thing that
>would allow the owner to pee while standing up. "It's a very handy
>thing," God told them, "and I was wondering if either one of you
>would like that."
>
>Adam jumped up and down and begged, "Oh, give that to me! I'd love
>to be able to do that. On and on he went like an excited little boy.
>Eve smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, he
>should have it. So God gave it to Adam. He was so excited he went
>off to write his name in the sand, laughing with delight all the
>while.
>
>God and Eve watched him for a moment and then God said to Eve,
>"Well, here's the other thing and I guess you can have it."
>"What's it called?" Eve asked. "Brains" God said.

[ʆë®Ñï†Ý]

Originally posted by Dundee Slaytern: How convenient. After reading Jerome's story, I badly needed a humour fix. What?!?! Even guys need to laugh at themselves once in a while.

wow! ~looking around~

All the machos seem to have disappeared all of a sudden. [img]graemlins/female.gif[/img]

[Dundee Slaytern]

Originally posted by ʆë®Ñï†Ý: wow! ~looking around~ All the machos seem to have disappeared all of a sudden. [img]graemlins/female.gif[/img]

*weeps*

By that implication, I am either a SNAG or a wimp. [img]tongue.gif[/img]

[Dundee Slaytern]

Might as well contribute... ...
----

God created Adam, and all was good. Adam lorded over the animals, had free access to fruits and basically did not have a care in the world. Then one day, Adam said to God, "I have grown bored, for I have no companion to share my joys like the animals do. I wish for a partner."

God replied, "I will create a woman for you. She will listen to your every beck and call, agree to your every whims and treat you as a master while resigning herself to be your slave. She will never disobey you, nor question your decisions. You will never need to clean up after yourself, because she will do it for you. This I grant to you, for a price."

Adam is agape with delight and stammers with excitement, "What's the price?"

God said, "An arm and a leg."

Man's fate was sealed that day when Adam unwisely retorted, "That's too much! How much for a rib?"

[ʆë®Ñï†Ý]

Originally posted by Dundee Slaytern: *weeps* By that implication, I am either a SNAG or a wimp. [img]tongue.gif[/img]

now you know that's not what I meant hun [img]graemlins/kiss.gif[/img] just surprised no barrage of counter jokes came along but now there is one

[Ar-Cunin]

Originally posted by ʆë®Ñï†Ý: >Why does it take1 million sperm to fertilize one egg? They don't stop and >ask for directions.

But that must mean that the 'winner' can find his way

Originally posted by ʆë®Ñï†Ý: > >What do men and sperm have in common? They both have a one-in-a-million>chance of becoming a human being.

Then the same must be true for women

Originally posted by ʆë®Ñï†Ý: > >How does a man show that he is planning for the future? He buys two cases>of beer.

And the woman buys two packages of tampons [img]graemlins/question4.gif[/img]
>

Originally posted by ʆë®Ñï†Ý: > >Why are blonde jokes so short? So men can remember them.

and blondes can understand them [img]smile.gif[/img]

Originally posted by ʆë®Ñï†Ý: > >How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? We don't know>it has never happened.

I live alone - I wonder who chages mine?

Originally posted by ʆë®Ñï†Ý: > >Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and >good-looking? They already have boyfriends.

True [img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img]

Originally posted by ʆë®Ñï†Ý: > >Why are married women heavier than single women? Single women come home,>see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see>what's in bed and go to the fridge.

this ofcourse is also true for the men [img]smile.gif[/img]

Originally posted by ʆë®Ñï†Ý: > >What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in >common? They're married.

Probably true [img]smile.gif[/img]

Originally posted by ʆë®Ñï†Ý: > >Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" >God says: "So you would love her." "But God," the man says, "why did you>make her so dumb?" >God says: "So she would love you."

Who this god fellow [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Originally posted by ʆë®Ñï†Ý: > >One day, three men were hiking and unexpectedly came upon a large raging,>violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of>how to do so. >The first man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength to>cross this river." Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was>able to swim across the river in about two hours, after almost drowning a>couple of times. >Seeing this, the second man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me>the strength and the tools to cross this river." Poof! God gave him a>rowboat>and he was able to row across the river in about an hour, after>almost capsizing the boat a couple of times. >The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also>prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength and the tools and>the intelligence to cross this river." And Poof! God turned him into a>woman. She looked at the map, hiked upstream a couple of hundred >yards, then walked across the bridge.

there you go with that god fellow again [img]graemlins/confused2.gif[/img]
- if thought Darwin reasoned us into existance

But just in case the christians are right - I wan't my rib back

EDIT: no we 'machoes' are still here [img]graemlins/male.gif[/img]

[ 05-26-2002, 04:30 PM: Message edited by: Ar-Cunin ]