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11-15-2003, 07:19 PM
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#1 |
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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hey check this out this is my poem and i just need some C&c to make it better or keep it this way here goes...
Fly to the underworld my lord To you my life was sold my king but my hear is scolded by your death, it stings. -------------------------- Singing the ssong of horrors it puts my peers in pain captured them forever all my efforts in vain ---------------------------- Now i live a life of misery with the song o'demise flaws that show no wisery Omens that prove to be wise. --------------------------------- A king killed in battle, Hath gotten not a funeral Pinned on his own saddle he was spared not a second, nor an hour hath i not placed that flower his restless spirit would be back in the living to devour. [ 11-17-2003, 09:10 PM: Message edited by: Spirits forever ] |
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11-19-2003, 06:56 PM
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#2 |
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Gold Dragon
 Join Date: May 19, 2002
Location: Blessed are those who are not....
Age: 43
Posts: 2,556
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I'm an arse, I know, but what's C&C? Can't help thinking about command & conquer...
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11-22-2003, 12:04 AM
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#3 |
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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C&C MEans compliments and critic
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11-22-2003, 02:17 AM
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#4 |
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Dracolisk
 Join Date: January 5, 2002
Location: Guantanamo Bay, Cuba
Age: 39
Posts: 6,043
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Great stuff! Keep 'em commin'
You have two ss int the first line of the second poem. Unless you want it to sound like a snake person is saying it, like a Yuan-ti... In which case, keep it as it is [img]tongue.gif[/img]
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[img]\"http://membres.lycos.fr/th8or/ZeroSigForIronworks.gif\" alt=\" - \" /> o.o; |
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11-22-2003, 03:01 AM
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#5 |
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Ironworks Webmaster
Join Date: January 4, 2001
Location: Lakeland, Florida
Age: 52
Posts: 11,725
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Good stuff! More! [img]smile.gif[/img]
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11-22-2003, 06:14 PM
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#6 |
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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Supposed to have only one s sorry for the confusion
heh.. well since this first one turned out good and glad you guys liked it, i'll have more by thanks giving for sure... until then i'm loaded with Home work... |
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11-22-2003, 08:12 PM
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#7 |
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Knight of the Rose
 Join Date: April 8, 2003
Location: Arkansas
Age: 48
Posts: 4,442
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I agree, it was good [img]smile.gif[/img] the only thing I see is what DK pointed out
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