divorced parents

[Melusine]

Cristian, just wanted to wish you lots of good luck and good cheer. A divorce is hardly ever pleasant, even if you may find out that it was for the best in the long run.
Bungleau gave some great advice: try to talk to your mother and her new boyfriend and explain you are not trying to be a petulant child, but that while your mom may be ready for a new man in her life, you simply aren't, not yet. Explain you're happy for her, but that you still have a lot of trouble coping with the divorce and because of that, they shouldn't expect you to welcome the new guy with open arms.
In that way, they hopefully will realise how you feel, and won't think it strange you are uncomfortable around the new boyfriend. If he is at all a nice person, he should understand this.
My parents divorced when I was 12, and my father was already seeing someone else at that time - so I was first told my father had a girlfriend, and not until a year afterwards did my mother tell me she wanted a divorce. Of course, that had me pretty upset with my father and his new girlfriend. When I met her and it turned out she wasn't a nice person at all either, it made me and my sister pretty hostile towards her. So I know exactly where you're coming from. All I can say is, try to get rid of your anger and sadness in a constructive way, not a destructive one. If your mother doesn't understand why you are hostile towards her new boyfriend, she might blame you, think you are deliberately trying to ruin things for her (not saying all parents in love are like that, but some are). Explain to her how you feel in a mature way, instead of being angry without anyone knowing why - they won't understand it unless you explain it.
If you still feel angry, write it all down, or post here, or punch a pillow, or concentrate on taking deep breaths for a while. And if you feel sad, try and talk to someone. If there is no one available nearby, you can always come here and post - there will always be someone around to listen. [img]smile.gif[/img]
Again, good luck!

[Sigmar]

Are divorces common in todays society? I always thought it was more of a rare occurence.

[Melusine]

Originally posted by Sigmar: Are divorces common in todays society? I always thought it was more of a rare occurence.

Are you serious Sigmar?? Sorry if I sound rude, but divorces are so common these days I would have thought everyone knew. Maybe you're just lucky and the divorce rate in Gibraltar is extremely low [img]smile.gif[/img] , but I believe that in most western countries, as much as one in three marriages end in divorce.

[Sigmar]

Originally posted by Melusine: quote: Originally posted by Sigmar: Are divorces common in todays society? I always thought it was more of a rare occurence.

Are you serious Sigmar?? Sorry if I sound rude, but divorces are so common these days I would have thought everyone knew. Maybe you're just lucky and the divorce rate in Gibraltar is extremely low [img]smile.gif[/img] , but I believe that in most western countries, as much as one in three marriages end in divorce. [/QUOTE]Lucky? Yeah the divorce rate here is probably low then as everyone I know has a happy nuclear family, save one person in the year above me. Obviously there are probably some broken homes which I have no knowledge of but on the whole there are few broken homes in Gibraltar. Lucky for the rest I suppose but not for the minority unable to relate their problems to other people.

BTW You didn't come off as rude, thanks anyhow [img]smile.gif[/img]

[johnny]

Well, at least you know who your father is. My parents didn't even get the chance for a divorce. My father got my mom pregnant, and simply took off. Must be quite a guy.

[Melusine]

Originally posted by Sigmar: Lucky? Yeah the divorce rate here is probably low then as everyone I know has a happy nuclear family, save one person in the year above me. Obviously there are probably some broken homes which I have no knowledge of but on the whole there are few broken homes in Gibraltar. Lucky for the rest I suppose but not for the minority unable to relate their problems to other people.

Aww, that's a good point. I didn't mean to sound callous when I said you're lucky. I can imagine that if all your friends have happy two parent families, it's hard to find someone who can empathise with you.

But I guess you're right then, Gibraltar must have better statistics than e.g. Holland when it comes to divorces. Both my boyfriend's and my own parents are divorced, and I've always known several people with divorced parents as well.
But I do know how it feels when people aren't understanding of your situation. When my parents finally decided to permanently split up (something which logically affected my sister and me very badly) I told my "best friend", whose sole reply was "Ah, that explains why you've been such a morose and boring bitch lately" [img]graemlins/idontagreeatall.gif[/img]

[Sigmar]

Originally posted by Melusine: quote: Originally posted by Sigmar: Lucky? Yeah the divorce rate here is probably low then as everyone I know has a happy nuclear family, save one person in the year above me. Obviously there are probably some broken homes which I have no knowledge of but on the whole there are few broken homes in Gibraltar. Lucky for the rest I suppose but not for the minority unable to relate their problems to other people.

Aww, that's a good point. I didn't mean to sound callous when I said you're lucky. I can imagine that if all your friends have happy two parent families, it's hard to find someone who can empathise with you.

But I guess you're right then, Gibraltar must have better statistics than e.g. Holland when it comes to divorces. Both my boyfriend's and my own parents are divorced, and I've always known several people with divorced parents as well.
But I do know how it feels when people aren't understanding of your situation. When my parents finally decided to permanently split up (something which logically affected my sister and me very badly) I told my "best friend", whose sole reply was "Ah, that explains why you've been such a morose and boring bitch lately" [img]graemlins/idontagreeatall.gif[/img] [/QUOTE]Exactly, when I'm talking with my friends after I've had a disagreement with my dad or something and I'm feeling pissed off, I tend to act in a grumpy manner towards my friends (and all those around me). They ask whats wrong and after I explain it to them their reply is, "Oh right", follwed by awkward stare at the floor and the conversation continues then normally. I can't blame them really, their biggest concern at lunch time (when we're stuck eating school lunches ) is what they're gonna have for dinner, a contrast to my own worries. Who's actually going to be there. They're great friends though its just that I can't relate to them about certain things.

[ 05-12-2003, 08:21 AM: Message edited by: Sigmar ]

[Melusine]

Awww...
That sounds very familiar Sig. It's good of you to still consider them friends... I've found that most people feel uncomfortable around other people's grief or problems, and because they don't know what to say, they say nothing. It's not that they don't care, so you can't blame them, really. Friends that listen to you without feeling embarrassed or awkward are just rare. The 'best' friend I referred to was like you describe: the biggest worry of the day is "what's for dinner"? This can create an unequal friendship: you feel isolated because your friend has none of your problems and hence doesn't understand you, sometimes you even get jealous of their carefree, ignorant lives or feel more mature, older than them because of your bigger life experience. Meanwhile your friend thinks you're grouchy and always complaining about your problems.... LOL
Hang in there! [img]smile.gif[/img]

[ 05-12-2003, 08:53 AM: Message edited by: Melusine ]

[Sigmar]

Originally posted by Melusine: Awww... That sounds very familiar Sig. It's good of you to still consider them friends... I've found that most people feel uncomfortable around other people's grief or problems, and because they don't know what to say, they say nothing. It's not that they don't care, so you can't blame them, really. Friends that listen to you without feeling embarrassed or awkward are just rare. The 'best' friend I referred to was like you describe: the biggest worry of the day is "what's for dinner"? This can create an unequal friendship: you feel isolated because your friend has none of your problems and hence doesn't understand you, sometimes you even get jealous of their carefree, ignorant lives or feel more mature, older than them because of your bigger life experience. Meanwhile your friend thinks you're grouchy and always complaining about your problems.... LOL Hang in there! [img]smile.gif[/img]

Wow, thanks a lot Melusine. I thought I was the only who thought like this [img]smile.gif[/img]
Thanks for sharing I really appriciate it.

[Spelca]

Originally posted by Melusine: ... But I do know how it feels when people aren't understanding of your situation. When my parents finally decided to permanently split up (something which logically affected my sister and me very badly) I told my "best friend", whose sole reply was "Ah, that explains why you've been such a morose and boring bitch lately" [img]graemlins/idontagreeatall.gif[/img]

Mine told me I didn't have a daddy anymore. [img]graemlins/1disgust.gif[/img] But, we were 10... though it still didn't make me feel good. I wasn't that good friends with her after that, because she kept picking on me because my parents were divorced...