divorced parents

[Melusine]

Sorry to hear that Spelca... Kids can be cruel
I don't think that's an excuse though... with young children, usually the "cruelty" is just honesty ("Mommy, why is that lady so fat?") and isn't mean to be hurtful, but especially older kids can be deliberately mean-spirited. Unfortunately my friend was no better as an adult than she was as a kid. [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Sigmar, no problem! Let me know if you ever feel the need to talk [img]smile.gif[/img]

[Charlie]

Originally posted by johnny: Well, at least you know who your father is. My parents didn't even get the chance for a divorce. My father got my mom pregnant, and simply took off. Must be quite a guy.

That sucks mate. I've got mates been through exactly the same grinder...
Important thing to remember is that you're well liked and well loved...that makes you quite a guy.

Take care.

[Morgeruat]

Mel, here in the states the average is something like 50% of marriages end in divorce within 5 years, truly a sad reflection on society as a whole.

[Bardan the Slayer]

Originally posted by Morgeruat: Mel, here in the states the average is something like 50% of marriages end in divorce within 5 years, truly a sad reflection on society as a whole.

Yeah, but sources tell me that particularly in the South, it is a faux-pas to live with someone without being married to them. If you are going to have a cultural tradition where people do not live together (which is essential to really get to know each other, IMHO) before getting married, then you will have a sky high divorce rate.

The irony is that it is mainly a religious tradition that couples do not 'live in sin', but this leads to the exact effect that the southern religions hate - divorce. They really are causing their own problems.

And yes, feelings of hatred towards the new guy are not uncommon, but what you have to remember is that *he* has nothing to do with why your folks split up. Driving him away will *not* make your folks get back together, and he is really an innocent party. If he is at all a nice and mature guy, he will recognise that you naturally resent his pseudo-status in your mind as a replacement for your dad (even though that is exactly what he is not), and will do his best to give you space to get used to things. I don't think he expects the open-arms greeting treatment, so dopn't worry about not giving it to him. Just try and treat him fairly and judge him on how he acts towards you and your mom. If you do that, then not much can go wrong.

[ 05-12-2003, 02:06 PM: Message edited by: Bardan the Slayer ]

[Kaltia]

My parents split up the beginning of this year, and my dad's damn near had a nervous breakdown 'cause my mother has a new guy. I've personally never met the bastard-he comes from Denmark-but apparently he's coming here soon. With his four year old son.

[Aelia Jusa]

Originally posted by Bardan the Slayer: quote: Originally posted by Morgeruat: Mel, here in the states the average is something like 50% of marriages end in divorce within 5 years, truly a sad reflection on society as a whole.

Yeah, but sources tell me that particularly in the South, it is a faux-pas to live with someone without being married to them. If you are going to have a cultural tradition where people do not live together (which is essential to really get to know each other, IMHO) before getting married, then you will have a sky high divorce rate.

The irony is that it is mainly a religious tradition that couples do not 'live in sin', but this leads to the exact effect that the southern religions hate - divorce. They really are causing their own problems.

[/QUOTE]Actually all the studies I've read indicate that couples who live together before they get married are more likely to divorce than those that don't. The thinking is that living together without being married creates an atmosphere of casualness and non-permanence to the relationship - an easy out because the commitment is less than if they were actually married, which tends to remain even after they've got married. I see what you're saying, definitely, and that would surely be true in some cases. But the actual statistics point in the opposite direction.

[johnny]

Originally posted by Charlie: quote: Originally posted by johnny: Well, at least you know who your father is. My parents didn't even get the chance for a divorce. My father got my mom pregnant, and simply took off. Must be quite a guy.

That sucks mate. I've got mates been through exactly the same grinder...
Important thing to remember is that you're well liked and well loved...that makes you quite a guy.

Take care. [/QUOTE]Thanks Charlie, but i never really saw it as a loss. I mean it can't be much of a guy to begin with. I only found out that the ones that raised me, weren't my real parents at the age of 12. All that time i thought my grandparents were my mom and dad. Of course, even when you're little you ask yourself: how come my folks are so much older than those of my classmates ? But it didn't really bug me that much.

Then, when i was 12, they told me the story, about how my sister was in fact my mom. And all the brothers i thought i had were in fact my uncles. It's pretty confusing when you're that young, but i didn't make a big deal of it.

I only had the urge of seeing him once, when i was sixteen, but my guts failed me that time. Now i don't care anymore, but i do know he has 4 daughters and a son, and i'd like to meet them one day if possible. Basically they're my sisters and brother, who wouldn't be curious ?

But not him, to me he's nothing more than a warm sack of shit. He still owes me 37 years of pocketmoney though, maybe i should go.

[Bardan the Slayer]

Originally posted by Aelia Jusa: quote: Originally posted by Bardan the Slayer: quote: Originally posted by Morgeruat: Mel, here in the states the average is something like 50% of marriages end in divorce within 5 years, truly a sad reflection on society as a whole.

Yeah, but sources tell me that particularly in the South, it is a faux-pas to live with someone without being married to them. If you are going to have a cultural tradition where people do not live together (which is essential to really get to know each other, IMHO) before getting married, then you will have a sky high divorce rate.

The irony is that it is mainly a religious tradition that couples do not 'live in sin', but this leads to the exact effect that the southern religions hate - divorce. They really are causing their own problems.

[/QUOTE]Actually all the studies I've read indicate that couples who live together before they get married are more likely to divorce than those that don't. The thinking is that living together without being married creates an atmosphere of casualness and non-permanence to the relationship - an easy out because the commitment is less than if they were actually married, which tends to remain even after they've got married. I see what you're saying, definitely, and that would surely be true in some cases. But the actual statistics point in the opposite direction. [/QUOTE]Yes, I've seent hose studies, but there is an interfering factor - the chances of a couple marrying before cohabiting are considerably higher if they are religiously fervent. Those are *exactly* the people who have the greatest problem with divorce, and are the most likely to stay in unhappy marriages rather than divorce. In other words, the people most likely to marry immediately are those least likely to divorce as a matter of principle.

But we're getting off topic here. If someone wants to start a new thread about this, feel free. If not - don't worry, I won't cry!

[Aelia Jusa]

Originally posted by Bardan the Slayer: Yes, I've seent hose studies, but there is an interfering factor - the chances of a couple marrying before cohabiting are considerably higher if they are religiously fervent. Those are *exactly* the people who have the greatest problem with divorce, and are the most likely to stay in unhappy marriages rather than divorce. In other words, the people most likely to marry immediately are those least likely to divorce as a matter of principle. But we're getting off topic here. If someone wants to start a new thread about this, feel free. If not - don't worry, I won't cry!

Yes that's true. One interesting fact is that people in arranged marriages aren't any more likely to get divorced than anyone else - often it's interpreted, oh how surprising, arranged marriages must be tops! But of course I think it's because cultures that have arranged marriages also have divorce as a taboo. Duh . However there's a difference between marrying after not living together, and marrying immediately - the two are not necessarily the same thing. You can marry someone without living with them after years of 'courtship' and it can be wonderful (or bad). Similarly you can move in with someone after a few weeks and have it all end up terribly (or good!). But I do agree about being better to divorce sometimes than have an unhappy marriage just because divorcing is seen as wrong (at least I think you were making that point! LOL ). But cohabiting isn't all the 'super we can see what annoying habits we both have before we get married which will improve our love' it's cracked up to be.

Topic schmopic! No, I'm done now

[Talthyr Malkaviel]

Originally posted by johnny: He still owes me 37 years of pocketmoney though, maybe i should go.

Just think of all the beer...