Vicotnik's chamber of laughter

[Charean]

Recent confusion about the meaning of the abbreviation BTU
has lead to the creation of a definition that may be used
when discussing its meaning.

Buy Thermal Underwear

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Democrats buy most of the books that have been banned
somewhere. Republicans form censorship committees and read
them as a group.




[This message has been edited by Charean (edited 03-26-2001).]

[Charean]

http://www.craigrogers.com/funnies/bestoftheweb.htm#top

This is a site of pics that will definately be worth the trip!

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Defender for the Light -
Goodness knows there is a lot of Dark out there!! - Where are my matches?!?
Wandering Joke of the Laughing Hyenas
Aquisition master of the Finest of Humours - and the Killer Joke
Muse and Eternal Love of KDogRex

[bilqis]

I hope this one isn't already here somewhere... it's an oldie but a goldie.
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TOP TWENTY REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN SEX:

1) You can GET chocolate.
2) "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.
3) Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
4) You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
5) You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
6) You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
7) If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind.
8) Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.
9) The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.
10) You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your coworkers.
11) You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
12) You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
13) With chocolate there's no need to fake it.
14) Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.
15) You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
16) Good chocolate is easy to find.
17) You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
18) You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
19)When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake.
20) With chocolate size doesn't matter.




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Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
(Skald, dragon trainer, & member of The Laughing Hyenas)

[KDogRex]

An Irishman moves into a tiny hamlet in County Kerry, walks into the pub and promptly orders three beers. The bartender raises his eyebrows,
but serves the man three beers, which he drinks quietly at a table,
alone.
The next evening the man again orders and drinks three beers at a
time, several times. Soon the entire town is whispering about the
Man Who Orders Three Beers.

Finally, a week later, the bartender approached the subject on behalf
of the town. "I don't mean to pry, but folks around here are wondering
why you always order three beers?"

"Tis odd, isn't it?" the man replies, "You see, I have two brothers,
and one went to America, and the other to Australia. We promised each
other that we would always order an extra two beers whenever we drank
as a way of keeping up the family bond."

The bartender and the whole town was pleased with this answer, and
soon the Man Who Orders Three Beers became a local celebrity and source
of pride to the hamlet, even to the extent that out-of-towners would
come to watch him drink.

Then, one day, the man comes in and orders only two beers. The bartender pours them with a heavy heart. This continues for the rest of the
evening:
he orders only two beers. The word flies around town. Prayers are
offered for the soul of one of the brothers.

The next day, the bartender says to the man, "Folks Around here, me first of all, want to offer condolences to you for the death of your brother. You know, the two beers and all..."

The man ponders this for a moment, then replies,
"You'll be happy to hear that my two brothers are alive and well.
It's just that I, myself, have decided to give up drinking for Lent."



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-Bard Extrodinaire of the OHF
Man of Sweet Words and Heart Aflame
Keeper of the Heart of Charean

[Ladyzekke]

OMG Bilqis! HAHA! Oh man that was funny! I'd love to comment on it, but would probably get censored! LOL!

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[Charlie]

Mr Smith goes into his doctors with the most awful case of farting ever been known to man. PPPRRrrrrPPpp and BBBbbbbrrraaarrrrpppp all the way there. The Doctor says "drop your trousers and bend right over that table, legs wide apart". The bloke does as instructed and BBBrrrRRRRrrPPPpps and PPPhhhHHHEeeeepppps are escaping left right and centre. The doctor examines his backside closely to the tune of BBbrrRRaaaaaAAAAAppppPP and PPPhhhHHRRRuuuPPPppp and then jumps up and says "AAaahhh, I know, just one moment Mr Smith" and leaves the room. A minute later he returns with a four foot wooden pole with a hook on the top. Mr Smith looks up in abject terror still farting profusely and says "You're not PPPPpprRRRrrpppp gonna stick that BBBrRRrreeeppphhhhhpppppPP pole up my arse are you"?

The Doctor looks at him oddly and said "of course not, I'm gonna open the windows it ■■■■■■■ stinks in here".

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One love, peace.

[Ladyzekke]

Charlie! LOL! HAHA! I'm in such a good mood tonight with all this laughing! Thanks!

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[bilqis]

Originally posted by ladyzekke: OMG Bilqis! HAHA! Oh man that was funny! I'd love to comment on it, but would probably get censored! LOL!

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Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

[Charean]

Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half-dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I
shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

The paragraph above doesn't amaze me because of what happened a couple of months ago. I was checking out at the local Foodland with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to
mine. I picked up one of those "Dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "Divider"
looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me "Do you know how much this is?" and I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today." She
said "OK and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.....

A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy".
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I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my
car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenient store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it
and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries it's a long walk.

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Several years ago, we had an! Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the
Secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.

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I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister."
I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.
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Sign in a gas station: Coke -- 49 cents. Two for a dollar.

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My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"
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I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented that the next day would be the shortest day of the year. My lab partner became visibly excited, cheering and clapping. I explained to her that the amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount of time. Needless to say, she was very disappointed.

[Charean]

The Importance of Punctuation
______________________________

Woman, without her Man, is lost.

Woman: Without her, Man is lost.


Dear John:
I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we're apart. I can be forever happy, will you let me be yours?
Gloria

Dear John:
I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no feelings whatsoever. When we're apart, I can be forever happy. Will you let me be?
Yours, Gloria