A parody on romeo and juliet. Have a look!!!

[Black Baron]

A tragedy by Shakesworde: Romeo and the armor suit.


List of main characters:


Juliet
Cap.ul.net- her father
Lady Cap.ul.net- her mother
Tybald- her cousin
Romeo
Nurse to Juliet

Others:

Friar Crimeransom- a former brigand now a priest
The prince of Verona
Mercurio
London (not Paris)
First hired (by Cap.ul.net) guard
Second hired guard
Third hired guard
Fourth hired guard
Fifth hired guard
An armor suit of a knight
An old and broken halberd

The Armor Suit scene

First guard to the second guard:
We are living in the sixteenth century and what do we get for our three shillings per hour?
I tell you, nothing except an old rusty chainmail that I had to polish an old halberd and lots of mice in the old chainmail. If it continues like so I will not brook it!
Second guard to the first:
Remember you yonder
We are paid not in shillings but in liras. We are not in England but in Verona and it is not mice but rats!
First guard: What difference does it make? The spiky part of my halberd still falls on my head every five minutes and every three I hear a mouse squeak.
Second guard: Rats not mice, remember thee that!
(The spiky part of the halberd falls on the head of the first guard and he falls unconscious).
Second guard: Why is the house lord so fond of his chinks that he does not let them out of his purse? At least a helmet he could give. I will go and fetch a surgeon.
(Exeunt).
Romeo enters the house without an invitation with Mercurio.
Mercurio: I knew that it would work!
Romeo: What?
Mercurio: changing the good halberd for the one from the museum. They always keep junk there.
Romeo [to a lady]: Shall we dance?
They dance.
Romeo [seeing the armor suit which stands behind Juliet]: oh! What beauty! It can protect even the cheek of a knight! Always wanted one of those to protect me when I smack those foul Cap.ul.net.’s
Juliet [thinking Romeo is looking at her even though he in fact looks at the armor suit behind her]: ooh! That pervert!
Romeo [has an idea how to get the armor suit]: aha! All I need is to marry that stupid looking girl and that armor suit will be all MINE!!!
Tybald: by my lost hair! That is a voice of a Mon’you!
Romeo: Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!
Tybald: fetch me my rapier boy!
Romeo: Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!
Tybald: He’s driving me crazy!
Romeo: Mine! Mine! Mi-
Juliet: SHAL THEE SHUT THOU MOUTH UP ALREADY?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Romeo: Oh, sorry I was thinking about your eternal beauty and let my profane lips free my words.
Juliet: Buzz thee off! You are like a pilgrim that wants to kiss the holy statue with his sick lips and rotten breath. Go thee now away.
Romeo: But, I love thee! I want to marry you. Without you (and that armor suit which would also be mine, mine, mine, MINE! when we marry) my life is meaningless! Hold here please! (Tries to hold her).
Juliet: Buzz off you villain! (Runs away.) London! Come and save me from this thug!
London comes and tries to hit Romeo but hits Crimeransom instead.
Crimeransom (drunk): Wheeee, slow thee, for the quick stumble and faaall (falls into a fountain).
Tybald (angry): I’ve had enough of this, Guards! Guards!
The third, fourth, fifth guards enter, one of them with the old halberd.
The fifth guard: By the stock and honor of my salary, to strike the ruffian dead I hold it not a sin. Where is that wretch?
Nurse: Here! (Points at Romeo)
The guards in chorus: AHA!!!
There is run and rush and the spiky part of the old halberd falls on the head of prince of Verona.
Prince [seeing stars]: whooo iiiiis that stupid aaaa, eeeee, em, e, ouch, where is the foul villain who caused the havoc here? They are after my family, stop them, arrest them, uuuuh it hurts!
Lady Cap.ul.net to her husband: The prince has his regular paranoia seizures. Better throw a random victim to the wolves.
Prince: I banish him, I banish him, no excuses no pleas nothiiiiing, whaaaa, whaaaa!
Everyone except Romeo: Romeo you are banished, go to Mantua!
Romeo: make me!
The armor suit falls on Romeo and he faints.


The poison scene

Friar Crimeransom (Still drunk from the ball)ne hundred bottles of vodka on the wall, one hundred bottles of vodka! One falls, no one knows, a hundred and one bottles on the wall…
The first guard: friar I need thy aid.
Friar Crimeransom: Thou shalt give me thy life or thy vodka!
The first guard: be sober friar, please! I need rat poison to cleanse my suit of mice!
Friar Crimeransom: Take it and leave the vodka on the table!
Guard (leaving the cell): it looks like a sweet toffee. But who knows? (Exeunt)
Juliet entering, the friar is still drunk.
Juliet: Friar, I still hear the words “mine, mine” in my head. Maybe you have some cure?
Friar Crimeransom: Vodka!
Juliet: Be sober, please!
Friar Crimeransom: Wheeeeee, Two thousand bottles of vodka on the wall...
Juliet: I will take it and depart.
Friar Crimeransom: And leave thy vodka yonder!
Juliet (departing): it looks like a toffee…
*
Juliet in her bed: I feel badly after the toffee (falls and dies).

The bloody halberd scene


The Cap.ul.nets have buried Juliet in a tomb with the armor suit and the favorite old halberd. Romeo hears about it and rushes to steal his beloved armor suit.
Romeo: My dear suit I shall rescue thee and in despair I shall cram this dead meat-eating tomb with more food. (Opens the tomb and sees the suit).
MINE! MINE! Aha-ha-ha!
The spiky part of the halberd falls on Romeo’s head and he falls dead.

Epilogue

The prince: we should always strive for peace and prosperity, for only if there will be peace and prosperity we shalt need no armor suits whatsoever, and therefore have no stupid stories such as this one! (Exeunt)

T h e r a t h e r s t u p i d

END.


this is a thing that i and my friend wrote for our work on english. We have recieved full marks for it.

Give some comments!!

[ 07-10-2004, 01:56 AM: Message edited by: Black Baron ]

[Aerich]

Oh, I wish my English teachers had such a sense of humour (and justice).

I had to study R&J far far to much in high school. For some reason, my teachers allowed a vote to determine which "optional" Shakespeare plays we got to study. Girls outnumbered guys, so we always got stuck with R&J, and Othello languished.

The one time we got to study a non-required, non-R&J play, it was Julius Caesar. I wrote an essay, which I thought was ironic and humourous, on the murder scene (with the often-quoted, "Et tu, Brute" as the prime feature). I picked up a "D", and some pithy comments about misplaced effort and lack of respect. Ouch!

I liked your wee tragedy. Special mention to the Cap.ul.net.s and the deadly halberd. [img]smile.gif[/img]

What I've never understood about this play is why it's called a tragedy. After all, Romeo dies in the end. [img]smile.gif[/img]