Workplace Evaluations

Sever · 07-13-2005, 07:07 AM

My mum sent this to me in a fax. Not sure if she had a subliminal motive or not but i laughed... especially 4, 8, 18 and 25.

"For everyone who has ever had or given an evaluation just remember, it could have been worse. These are actual quotes taken from Federal Government employee performance evaluations.

1. Since my last report, this employee has hit rock bottom and has started to dig.

2. I would not allow this employee to breed.

3. This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definate won't be.

4. Works well under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

5. When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change her feet.

6. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

7. He sets low personal standards and consistently fails to achieve them.

8. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

9. This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.

10. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.

11. A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.

12. He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier.

[missin' a few here.]

15. He's been working with glue too much.

16. He would argue with a signpost.

17. He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.

18. When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.

19. If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one.

20. A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.

21. A prime candidate for natural de-seletion.

22. Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.

23. Gates are down, lights are flashing but the train isn't coming.

24. He's got two brain cells. One is lost and the other is out looking for it.

25. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

26. If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.

27. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

28. It's hard to believe he beat 1,000,000 other sperm.

29. One neuron short of a synapse.

30. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargled.

31. Takes him 2 hours to watch 60-minutes.

32. The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

Hivetyrant · 07-13-2005, 04:42 PM

Lol, I loved number 8

I think I got those in an email a while ago, still funny though

Lord · 07-13-2005, 07:43 PM

hahaha hilarious. I liked number 28

wellard · 07-13-2005, 08:22 PM

LOL Server, welcome back BTW

Those are getting e-mailed to work, I know so many people that some of those apply to [img]graemlins/heee.gif[/img]

Neo the Warrior Cat · 07-14-2005, 12:42 AM

lol, those are hilarious XD

Sever · 07-15-2005, 12:32 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by wellard:
LOL Server, welcome back BTW

Thanks wellard. Good to be back! You're still gettin' my name wrong though...

07-13-2005, 07:07 AM	#1
Sever Ma'at - Goddess of Truth & Justice Join Date: October 31, 2002 Location: Western Australia Age: 43 Posts: 3,293	My mum sent this to me in a fax. Not sure if she had a subliminal motive or not but i laughed... especially 4, 8, 18 and 25. "For everyone who has ever had or given an evaluation just remember, it could have been worse. These are actual quotes taken from Federal Government employee performance evaluations. 1. Since my last report, this employee has hit rock bottom and has started to dig. 2. I would not allow this employee to breed. 3. This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definate won't be. 4. Works well under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap. 5. When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change her feet. 6. This young lady has delusions of adequacy. 7. He sets low personal standards and consistently fails to achieve them. 8. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. 9. This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better. 10. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together. 11. A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus. 12. He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier. [missin' a few here.] 15. He's been working with glue too much. 16. He would argue with a signpost. 17. He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room. 18. When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell. 19. If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one. 20. A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on. 21. A prime candidate for natural de-seletion. 22. Donated his brain to science before he was done using it. 23. Gates are down, lights are flashing but the train isn't coming. 24. He's got two brain cells. One is lost and the other is out looking for it. 25. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week. 26. If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change. 27. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean. 28. It's hard to believe he beat 1,000,000 other sperm. 29. One neuron short of a synapse. 30. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargled. 31. Takes him 2 hours to watch 60-minutes. 32. The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead. __________________ Say say, oh playmate i cannot play with you my dolly's got the flu boo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo

07-13-2005, 07:43 PM	#3
Lord Ma'at - Goddess of Truth & Justice Join Date: June 3, 2003 Location: New York Age: 39 Posts: 3,302	hahaha hilarious. I liked number 28 __________________ "You're a thief and a liar." "No, I only lied about being a thief."

07-13-2005, 08:22 PM	#4
wellard Dracolisk Join Date: November 1, 2002 Location: Australia ..... G\'day! Posts: 6,123	LOL Server, welcome back BTW Those are getting e-mailed to work, I know so many people that some of those apply to [img]graemlins/heee.gif[/img] __________________ fossils - natures way of laughing at creationists for over 3 billion years

07-14-2005, 12:42 AM	#5
Neo the Warrior Cat Avatar Join Date: July 6, 2004 Location: Wilmington, North Carolina Age: 36 Posts: 528	lol, those are hilarious XD __________________ \"I haven\'t the time for this!\"-Irenicus <img border=\"0\" alt=\"[mage1]\" title=\"\" src=\"graemlins/mage1.gif\" />

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07-13-2005, 04:42 PM	#2
Hivetyrant Jack Burton Join Date: August 24, 2002 Location: Aussie now in the US of A! Age: 37 Posts: 5,403	Lol, I loved number 8 I think I got those in an email a while ago, still funny though

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