I give up! Son's bike stolen AGAIN! Parental help?

[Sir Kenyth]

I don't know who to be madder at! My son or the theives! Sure, stealing is wrong and it shouldn't happen. But when you leave your bike laying around unlocked constantly, you're asking for it! When he was eight, he just left his new bike somewhere and forgot where it was. I gave him a two year suspension until he got a new one. I bought him a brand new mountain bike for Xmas. Well, he got to ride it maybe five times this summer. Twice I had to chase him outside to put it away. Well, this time he left it out and it disappeared. Instead of getting better at taking care of his stuff, he's just coming up with more excuses. This time, he insisted(lied) he locked it up. Apparently, the thief took the time to pick the lock, take only one bike out of four, and carefully re-locked the chain. My neighbor also mentioned he had seen the bike lying in the back yard around the time of disappearance. He's lost/destroyed every valuable thing given to him through negligence, not to mention a few of mine too. Mostly my tools left in the dirt to rot. He's lost/destroyed tool sets, expensive pocketknives, bikes, etc. How in the hell do you break a kid of a habit like this? No matter the punishment it doesn't seem to work! It makes him sufficiently miserable, but doesn't change his behavior. Not having nice things doesn't seem to stimulate his brain much either. I don't know what to do anymore except not buy him anything expensive. Maybe he's just too immature to take care of his things at ten years old. His heads still in the clouds or something. I thought 10 was old enough to start having a few nice things. Maybe not, huh? I didn't go crazy yelling at him this time. Just gave him a stern lecture and showed him the bike he gets to ride from now on. An old, second hand, 20$, ten speed street bike that needs new tires. Ten speeds are extremely "uncool" for kids his age right now. That's what he gets for the the next few years. I'm also making him spend his own money to get new tubes for it! Perhaps he'll begin to appreciate his nice things enough to lock them up, if he has any left! Then again, maybe he won't. What scares me is when he has to stay home alone and leaves the house. I'm certain he leaves the door unlocked. *sigh!* The only answer is to not allow him to leave the house. You can't keep a kid cooped up all summer inside a house though. It's just not healthy! Any ideas? Anyone else have this problem?

[Attalus]

I think that a proper bike lock is the first thing, here. But, yeah, a child needs to know that actions have consequences. Give him a month without his bike, make him do chores to earn the money for a new one would be my first suggestion. My sons are 16 and 4, nearly.

[FelixJaeger]

hmmn well im not an adult as a kid i know what would make me rele rele bad and maybe even teach me summit and its also the sort of thing my dad would do. take away everything he has leave him with a bed matress duvet and carpet.that should teach him
Felix

Sounds like a valuable learning experience for your son Sir K.....the old saying...fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me might just apply here...a few months without a bike might make him more attentive to taking care of his things.....
As a parent...if my son or daughter did these kinds of things they would not have anything, and owuld have to earn anything they got in the future. Appreciation is impportant, if they don't appreciate what they get, they wont understand values later on in life...so this should be a good learning experience.....just my opinion dude....there are as many ways to raise a child as there are parents in the world [img]smile.gif[/img]

[ 07-15-2002, 02:41 PM: Message edited by: MagiK ]

[Sir Kenyth]

Originally posted by FelixJaeger: hmmn well im not an adult as a kid i know what would make me rele rele bad and maybe even teach me summit and its also the sort of thing my dad would do. take away everything he has leave him with a bed matress duvet and carpet.that should teach him Felix

Should I feed him gruel, stale bread, and tainted water too? Naahhh! I like him too much to be that mean. My point isn't to make him completely desperate. Just to get him to pay more attention to responsibilities. I think his step-dad did that to him once. I don't think it helped.

[Tanoch Thas'ala]

Uhm, you leave your ten year old home alone?? To me that seems way to young to have that much responsibility. Especially in light of him not having the proper responsibility to watch out for his own things.

If faced with this situation I would do this:

I would tell him, or her, I am going to stop buying him things. That if s/he wanted something like a bike or whatever, they'd have to pay for it themselves. If they didn't have the money, they'd have to work for it. My own indentured servant.

The problem now is that he is not responsible for the loss. You are. You paid for the items, if they are lost, then it's up to you to replace them.

[Sir Kenyth]

Originally posted by MagiK: Sounds like a valuable learning experience for your son Sir K.....the old saying...fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me might just apply here...a few months without a bike might make him more attentive to taking care of his things..... As a parent...if my son or daughter did these kinds of things they would not have anything, and owuld have to earn anything they got in the future. Appreciation is impportant, if they don't appreciate what they get, they wont understand values later on in life...so this should be a good learning experience.....just my opinion dude....there are as many ways to raise a child as there are parents in the world [img]smile.gif[/img]

Good advice MagiK. Been tried too. Remember, it's been two years having one rust bucket at his moms to ride for two years now. It's been mentioned by teachers that he is a bit immature for his age. He's kind of in his own little world and doesn't pay attention to what's going on around him. It shows in his schoolwork too. His mother and I have been driving him like crazy, and it's helped his schoolwork a lot. His grades are up and his tests are looking good. He should completely catch up reading skills this year. You still have to keep your boot on his butt 24/7 to keep him going. As soon as you stop hounding, he stops doing! During the summer, I call him from work repeatedly to make sure chores are done, teeth are brushed, etc. I was just wondering what I should expect from a child of ten. Am I expecting too much? Do all ten year olds require constant supervision to attend to their responsibilities?

[Sir Kenyth]

Originally posted by Tanoch Thas'ala: Uhm, you leave your ten year old home alone?? To me that seems way to young to have that much responsibility. Especially in light of him not having the proper responsibility to watch out for his own things. If faced with this situation I would do this: I would tell him, or her, I am going to stop buying him things. That if s/he wanted something like a bike or whatever, they'd have to pay for it themselves. If they didn't have the money, they'd have to work for it. My own indentured servant. The problem now is that he is not responsible for the loss. You are. You paid for the items, if they are lost, then it's up to you to replace them.

See? If I ask ten people the same question on whether it's OK for a ten year old to be home alone, I get ten different answers. The law and most fathers say it's OK. Most mothers deem it risky at best. There's simply not much choice right now. That's why he has to stay in while I'm gone. Work in this area sucks right now. Plus, I had to go back to school. I simply don't have the money for summer camps like I used to.

Originally posted by Sir Kenyth: I was just wondering what I should expect from a child of ten. Am I expecting too much? Do all ten year olds require constant supervision to attend to their responsibilities?

Well my 11 year old usually requires periodic reminders, but for the most part he doesnt need CONSTANT reminders...but then again he has come to know that I really try to drill in the idea that his actions have consequences..do the chores and there are good consequences ..failure to do the chores could lead to more misery than actually doing the work [img]smile.gif[/img] seems to work so far [img]smile.gif[/img] Being a bit forgetful is normal in pre-teens though.

I trust my 11 year old home alone...though Im not sure if I would on a regular basis where he could "plan" for it [img]smile.gif[/img]