on the lighter side, chamber of laughter is back.....

[J.J.]

Top 10 Signs Your Co-Worker Is A Computer Hacker
(Part 1 of 2)

10. Everyone who ticks him off gets a $26,000 phone bill.

9. He's won the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes-- three years running.

8. When asked for his phone number, he gives it in hex.

7. Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.

6. "Somehow" gets HBO on his PC at work.

[J.J.]

> Subject: Fishing
>
>
> >
> >
> > Four married guys go fishing. After an
> > hour, the following
> > conversation took place:
> >
> > First guy: "You have no idea what I had
> > to do to be able to come out
> > fishing this weekend. I had to promise
> > my wife that I will paint
> > every room in the house next weekend."
> >
> > Second guy: "That is nothing, I had to
> > promise my wife that I will
> > build her a new deck for the pool."
> >
> > Third guy: "Man, you both have it easy!
> > I had to promise my wife
> > that I will remodel the kitchen for
> > her."
> >
> > They continue to fish when they realized
> > that the fourth guy has not
> > said a word. So they asked him.You
> > haven't said anything about what you had
> > to do to be able to come fishing this
> > weekend. What's the deal?"
> >
> > Fourth guy: "I just set my alarm for
> > 5:30 am. When it went off, I
> > shut off my alarm, gave the wife a nudge
> > and said, "Fishing or Sex" and she
> > said, "Wear a sweater."
> >
> >

[J.J.]

> a. An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a subject.
>
> b. A gun in the hand is better than a cop on the phone
>
> c. Ruger: The original point and click interface.
>
> d. Gun control is not about guns; it's about control.
>
> e. If guns are outlawed, can we use swords?
>
> f. If guns cause crime, then pencils cause misspelled words.
>
> g. Free men do not ask permission to bear arms.
>
> h. If you don't know your rights, you don't have any.
>
> i. Those who trade liberty for security have neither.
>
> j. The United States Constitution (c) 1791. All Rights
Reserved.
>
> k. What part of "shall not be infringed" do you not
understand.
>
> l. The Second Amendment is in place in case they ignore the
others.
>
> m. 64,999,987 firearm owners killed no one yesterday.
>
> n. Guns only have two enemies: Rust and Politicians.
>
> o. Know guns, Know peace and safety. No guns, no peace nor
safety.
>
> p. You don't shoot to kill; You shoot to stay alive.
>
> q. 911 - government sponsored Dial a Prayer.
>
> r. Assault is a behavior, not a device.
>
> s. Criminals love gun control - it makes their jobs safer.
>
> t. If Guns cause Crime, then Matches cause Arson.
>
> u. Only a government that is afraid of it's citizens try to
control them.
>
> v. You only have the rights you are willing to fight for.
>
> w. Enforce the "gun control laws" in place, don't make more.
>
> x. When you remove the people's right to bear arms, you create
slaves.
>
> y. The American Revolution would never have happened with Gun
Control.
>
> z. "....a government by the people, for the people....."
>

[J.J.]

An older gentleman had an appointment to see a urologist who
shared an
office with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled
with
patients. As he approached the receptionist desk he noticed
that the
receptionist was a very large unfriendly woman who looked like a
Sumo
wrestler. He gave her his name.

In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, "YES, I HAVE YOUR
NAME
HERE;
YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"

All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around
to look
at
the very embarrassed man.

He recovered quickly though, and in an equally loud voice
replied, "NO,
I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION BUT I DON'T
WANT THE
SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS."

[J.J.]

Driving to the office this morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Mustang doing 65 miles per hour with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner! I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that damn makeup!!!

Well I'm a man but this sight scared me so badly, I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed and burned me in a sensitive spot, ruined the damn phone and DISCONNECTED AN IMPORTANT CALL!!!!!!! LOUSY WOMEN DRIVERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[J.J.]

After a long night of intimacy, a young guy rolled over and was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man. The guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?"

"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.

"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.

"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.

"Well, who is he then?" asked the bewildered guy.

The girl replied, "That's me before the surgery."

What do you call a fish without an eye?

A fsh!!!!

[J.J.]

God made men and women to complement each other with the unique traits each were given:

WOMEN

Women have strengths that amaze men. They carry children, they carry hardships, they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy. They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy. Women wait by the phone for a "safe at home call" from a friend, after a snowy drive home. They are childcare workers, executives, attorneys, stay-at-home moms, biker babes, and your neighbors.

They wear suits, jeans, and they wear uniforms. They fight for what they believe in. They stand up against injustice. They walk and talk the extra mile to get their kids into the right schools and to get their family the right health care. They go to the doctor with a frightened friend. Women are honest, loyal, and forgiving. They are
strong, but they still know how to use their softer side to make a point.

Women want to be the best for their family, their friends, and themselves. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. A woman can make a romantic evening.

Women come in all sizes, in all colors and shapes. They live in houses, apartments and cabins. They drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. Women do more than just give birth.

They bring joy and hope. They give compassion and ideals. They give and all they want in return is a hug, a smile, and for you to do the same for people you come in contact with.

MEN

Men are good at lifting heavy crap and killing spiders!

[Lioness]

LSHISMDAOMK!!! [img]graemlins/laugh2.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/laugh3.gif[/img]

*gasp*

I love the chamber of laughter...*gasp..*

The whale one.. So cruel...

[Zidane]

Okkkaaay

This foreign man goes into a corner shop and asks the shopkeeper for two tins of cat food.

The shopkeeper, not recognising this man, and thinking he is a refugee, says "I am sorry, but I think you may eat this cat food yourself, bring me proof of a cat and I will sell you the cat food".

Now the man could get really offended, but he just shrugs and comes back with his cat.

The shopkeeper then sells him the two tins of cat food.

A week goes by and the same foreign man goes into the same corner shop and this time asks the shopkeeper for two tins of dog food.

The shopkeeper, forgetting that the man came in a week earlier says "I am sorry, but I think you may eat this dog food yourself, bring me proof of a dog and I will sell you the dog food".

The man just gives the shopkeeper an amazed look, shrugs and comes back with his dog.

The shopkeeper then hands over the two tins of dog food.

Now another week goes by, and the same foreign guy comes into the same corner shop, and this time the shopkeeper recognises him.

The foreign guy is holding a small cardboard box. He hands the cardboard box over to the shopkeeper and the shopkeeper notices that there is a small hole cut into the middle of the box.

The shopkeeper takes the box and the foreign guy says "Put your finger in that hole", the shopkeeper puts his finger in the hole, and the foreign guy says "Now smell it", the shopkeeper smells his finger and says "Poooh S&(T"

The foreign guy says

"Two toilet rolls please"

[Downunda]

A woman goes into a pet shop, immediately spotting a large colourful parrot. The price tag is $50 .00. "Why so little, sir?," she asks.
The owner looks at her, says, "Look, Lady, I gotta tell ya - this bird used to live in a house of ill repute, so ta speak - and sometimes says some fairly vulga stuff."
The woman thinks about it, deciding she just has to have the bird anyway and takes it home, puts the bird cage in the living room waiting for it to say something.
The bird slowly looks around the room, then at her and says, "New house, new madam."
The woman is just shocked at the implication but thinks, "Gee, that's not really so bad."
Her two teenage daughters return from school and the bird sees them come in and says, "New house, new madam, new girls."
They are a just a little bit offended - then begin to laugh about the situation.
Moments later the woman's husband, Keith, comes home from work.
The bird looks at him and says, "Hi, Keith."