11-21-2001, 08:56 AM | #1 |
Jack Burton
Join Date: March 21, 2001
Location: Philippines, but now Harbor City Sydney
Age: 41
Posts: 5,556
|
i just got it from my email (as usual) and this is sooo funnnnyyy and sooo trrruuuee.. the pHilippines creates one of the best drivers in the world [img]smile.gif[/img] and im not kidding since i live here... read on!!! [img]smile.gif[/img]
SURVIVAL GUIDE TO DRIVING IN THE PHILIPPINES > > If you are ever in the need to drive on the streets of Manila the > following rules may help you get to your destination in one piece. > > THE FILIPINO DRIVER GREETING: > > When greeting a Filipino driver, slowly lower your window and be > prepared to greet the driver with, "Tang namo, bobo." (note: my own editing. Tang namo = something that insults your mother, bobo= stupid) However, if you > have been already addressed by a fellow driver, reply with a joyful, > "Tang namo rin, gago." (note: tang namo rin= replying to you the same way. gago=same as bobo= stupid) [img]smile.gif[/img] > > ON TURN SIGNALS: > > If a driver in another lane turns on the turn signal, do not let > him go into your lane. In fact, press the accelerator and start driving > right next to him/her. The fellow driver will probably greet you and > you already know what to do. > > ON TRAFFIC LIGHTS: > > These amusing artifacts hang from intersections for no apparent > reason. Sometimes you will see drivers stop to see the colors change on > these lights (a fascinating experience). Government officials > (specificially police) believe that each color stands for an instruction > for drivers to follow. > > From pure observation I have determined the following instructions for > each color: > > Yellow light - accelerate your car as much as possible. > Red light - this light gives permission to the next five to six > cars to go through. > Green light - reduce speed and wait for the five to six cars > passing through their respective red lights. > > Little-known-fact: Time to start honking your horn, as soon as the > light turns green = 1.5 seconds. > > ON CHANGING LANES: > > Changing lanes has been elevated to an art form in the > Philippines. First of all, no matter what you do, never ever turn on > your turn signal, otherwise you'll stimulate the reaction described > above. Second, swerve your car uncontrollably to the lane you want to > change,preferably if you end up within inches of a car in that lane. > > At this point a greeting from the other driver may be in order. > To perfect your change of lanes, reduce the speed of your car > dramatically in a matter of seconds and you will see an action-packed > reaction from the car behind you. > > ON TRAFFIC JAMS: > > Traffic Jams are teaming with fun filled activities such as: > 1. Honking your horn rhythmically. > 2. Putting on make-up (usually female drivers only). > 3. Nose-pickers sightseeing (not to be confused with people who > scratch their brains through their nose). > 4. Reducing speed to watch whatever is causing the traffic jam. > Add excitement by trying to see if you know the parties involved. > (Note: Every Filipino driver is obliged to do this.) > 5. Losing weight by sweating like a pig as a result of a lack of > air-conditioning. > 6. Greeting other drivers. > 7. Practicing lane changing. > 8. Playing the game: Let's see how close I can get to you before > rear-ending you. > > ON PEDESTRIANS: > > These individuals are an annoyance to the Filipino driver. If you > see pedestrians in your way, accelerate your car to let them know who's > the boss. If you are at an intersection, let the pedestrians know you > want to proceed by accelerating your car and honking at the last > possible moment. > > ON SOCIAL SITUATIONS: > > Bumping into a friend while driving (not to be taken literally)is > a joyful occasion. Drivers should reduce speed and stop their cars in > the middle of the street and chit chat. What about other drivers? Well, > they can wait. > > ON HIGHWAY DRIVING: > > Bottleneck Formation - To accomplish this type of driving, cars > must block all lanes by driving at the same speed and side by side (to > avoid other cars to pass). It is important to drive at a speed at least > 20 mph below the speed limit. > > The Three-Lane-Change - This movement requires a lot of precision > and creativity. It should be done around the highest number of cars > possible and in a matter of seconds to create what others may refer to > as widespread panic. > > HERE'S ANOTHER RULE FOR DRIVING IN THE PHILIPPINES. > > When the lanes going in your direction are jammed with cars, try > using the lanes from the oncoming traffic. They are probably not > occupied anyway because the oncoming cars are stuck as well.How many of > the other direction's lanes should you occupy? As long as there are > lanes from the other direction to occupy, go ahead and take more lanes. > > This move is sure to elicit previously mentioned greetings from > drivers of the oncoming cars (and some have been known to get down from > their cars to personally deliver the greeting to the out of lane > driver). > > 9 out of 10 times it's sure to make the traffic worse but then, > hey,there's that 1 in 10 chance that you might actually get through > sooner than all those law-abiding losers. Filipino drivers think that > that 1 in 10 chance is reason enough to risk their life and limb and > being profusely greeted (besides, you can always turn up the windows and > pretend that you don't hear the greeting from the other drivers). > > GOT IT !! GOOD ! Welcome to Manila. >
__________________
Catch me if you can.. |
11-21-2001, 09:07 AM | #2 |
Takhisis Follower
Join Date: January 7, 2001
Location: Mandurah, West Australia
Age: 60
Posts: 5,073
|
LOL, I think I have seen a similar survival guide for driving in Paris - best tip, take the Metro .
__________________
Davros was right - just ask JD |
11-22-2001, 03:57 AM | #3 |
Jack Burton
Join Date: March 21, 2001
Location: Philippines, but now Harbor City Sydney
Age: 41
Posts: 5,556
|
just bumpin [img]smile.gif[/img]
__________________
Catch me if you can.. |
11-23-2001, 11:27 AM | #4 |
Iron Throne Cult
Join Date: March 12, 2001
Location: Manila, Philippines
Age: 39
Posts: 4,864
|
well, I usually start to chant a litany of curses INSIDE thee car and not outside, and i usually win against buses, jeepneys and trucks here... heheh driving from south super to ateneo, and back to paranaque just gave me more balls than a driver could wish for... i mean my mom even works in Laguna, I have driven in laguna, and i have faced big stuff that will scare of the kinky and 'careful' drivers... hehehehe... i am careful, but it is sure cool to beat them in battle... oh btw i have never been rear-ended yet or something... i'm just too damn good! jk!
|
Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests) | |
|
|
Similar Threads | ||||
Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
Survival Guide for a HoF-from-scratch party (spoilers) | Aerich | Icewind Dale | Heart of Winter | Icewind Dale II Forum | 98 | 02-17-2008 04:20 AM |
US forces will take combat role in Philippines | Djinn Raffo | General Discussion | 2 | 02-21-2003 05:16 PM |
The Filipino Driver Survival Guide | Harkoliar | General Conversation Archives (11/2000 - 01/2005) | 6 | 06-02-2002 05:48 AM |
Funny stuff only found in the good old Philippines.... | Harkoliar | General Conversation Archives (11/2000 - 01/2005) | 3 | 06-01-2002 11:53 PM |
TO ALL THOSE CONCERNED ON WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THE PHILIPPINES!!! (way off topic) | Zoratorak | Baldurs Gate II Archives | 12 | 02-05-2001 05:41 PM |