02-18-2004, 07:33 AM | #1 |
Unicorn
Join Date: October 4, 2001
Location: Kingdom of the West,..P.o. Cynagus
Posts: 4,212
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The Best Resignation Letter Ever
Actual letter of resignation from an employee at Zantex Computers, USA, to her boss, who apparently resigned very soon afterwards! Dear Mr. Baker, As a graduate of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my coworkers and me during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time. You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will. You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Since this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts. 1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own. 2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by the administration. 3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your Mother's birthday," you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please; I hate having to correct your mistakes.) Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f*** with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with all that free time! Wishing you a grand and glorious day, Cecelia [ 02-18-2004, 10:46 AM: Message edited by: Arvon ]
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02-18-2004, 08:01 AM | #2 |
Ma'at - Goddess of Truth & Justice
Join Date: September 15, 2002
Location: Kennewick, WA
Age: 52
Posts: 3,166
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You have toped yourself Arvon. Beutifull! [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img]
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02-18-2004, 08:03 AM | #3 |
Apophis
Join Date: July 10, 2001
Location: By a big blue lake, Canada
Age: 50
Posts: 4,628
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I can't decide whether the boss or the employee writing this letter is the more stupid.
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02-18-2004, 09:10 AM | #4 |
40th Level Warrior
Join Date: March 24, 2002
Posts: 10,215
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More like a suicide letter to me. I'll be suprise that writer still live until today.
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02-18-2004, 09:49 AM | #5 |
Fzoul Chembryl
Join Date: February 19, 2002
Location: Your guess is as good as mine.
Age: 52
Posts: 1,728
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Been to snopes.com lately, Arvon?
Unfortunately it is only an urban legend. I would salute anyone who would really dare to write such a resignation letter. [ 02-18-2004, 09:50 AM: Message edited by: Paladin2000 ]
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02-18-2004, 10:49 AM | #6 | |
Unicorn
Join Date: October 4, 2001
Location: Kingdom of the West,..P.o. Cynagus
Posts: 4,212
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Quote:
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02-18-2004, 12:42 PM | #7 |
Symbol of Moradin
Join Date: June 5, 2002
Location: Slovenia,Ljubljana
Age: 36
Posts: 8,554
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Nice.
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02-18-2004, 12:50 PM | #8 |
Apophis
Join Date: July 29, 2003
Location: The Underdark cavern of Zagreb
Age: 37
Posts: 4,679
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Never f*** with the systems administrator! A valiable lesson, folks.
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02-18-2004, 02:10 PM | #9 |
Dracolisk
Join Date: March 21, 2001
Location: Europe
Age: 39
Posts: 6,136
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Heh.. doesn't matter if it's true. It's damn funny. Keep it up, Arvon [img]smile.gif[/img]
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02-18-2004, 02:14 PM | #10 |
Apophis
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I agree with Bozos and Dreamer. It might not be true, but it easily could be true. I see no reason why an systems admin couldn't write a letter like that.
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