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10-26-2001, 10:11 AM
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#11 |
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Account deleted by Request
Join Date: May 17, 2001
Location: .
Age: 38
Posts: 8,802
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ROFL Mark! LMAO! ROFLMAO! LOL! I'm getting Monty Python's "The Holy Grail" soon! Then I'll have a new movie to watch endlessly!
Ni! Ecky-Ecky-Ecky-Ptang-Zoom-Boing! |
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10-26-2001, 10:13 AM
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#12 |
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Elminster
 Join Date: July 2, 2001
Location: Denmark
Posts: 460
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hoho, my list of spoon references are getting quite long
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10-26-2001, 01:05 PM
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#13 | |
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Banned User
Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: VT, USA
Age: 63
Posts: 3,097
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Quote:
This for you G'kar, my friend: The Man with Three Buttocks The cast: ANNOUNCER Eric Idle HOST John Cleese ARTHUR FRAMPTON Terry Jones The sketch: Announcer: And now for something completely different. A man with three buttocks! Host : I have with me Mr Arthur Frampton who... (pause) Mr. Frampton, I understand that you - um - as it were... (pause) Well let me put it another way. Erm, I believe that whereas most people have - er - two... Two. Frampton: Oh, sure. Host: Ah well, er, Mr Frampton. Erm, is that chair comfortable? Frampton: Fine, yeah, fine. Host: Mr Frampton, er, vis a vis your... (pause) rump. Frampton: I beg your pardon? Host: Your rump. Frampton: What? Host: Er, your derriere. (Whispers) Posterior. Sit-upon. Frampton: What's that? Host: (whispers) Your buttocks. Frampton: Oh, me bum! Host: (hurriedly) Sshhh! Well now, I understand that you, Mr Frampton, have a... (pause) 50% bonus in the region of what you say. Frampton: I got three cheeks. Host: Yes, yes, excellent, excellent. Well we were wondering, Mr Frampton, if you could see your way clear to giving us a quick... (pause) a quick visual... (long pause). Mr Frampton, would you take your trousers down. Frampton: What? (to cameramen) 'Ere, get that away! I'm not taking me trousers down on television. What do you think I am? Host: Please take them down. Frampton: No! Host: No, er look, er Mr Frampton. It's quite easy for somebody just to come along here claiming... that they have a bit to spare in the botty department. The point is, our viewers need proof. Frampton: I've been on Persian Radio ... Get off! Arthur Figgis knows I've got three buttocks. Host: How? Frarnpton: We go cycling together. (Cut to shot of two men riding tandem. The one behind (Graham) looks down, looks up and exclaims 'strewth '.) Announcer: (sitting at desk) And now for something completely different. A man with three buttocks. (Interview studio again.) Interviewer: Good evening, I have with me Mr Arthur Frampton, who.. Mr Frampton I understand that you, as it were - well let me put it another way... I believe Mr Frampton that whereas most people... didn't we do this just now? Frampton: Er ... yes. Interviewer: Well why didn't you say so? Frarnpton: I thought it was the continental version. (Cut back to Announcer sitting confidently at desk) Announcer: And now for something completely the same - a man with three buttocks. (phone on desk rings - he answers) Hullo? ... Oh, did we. (puts phone down and looks at camera) And now for something completely different. A man with three noses. Off-Screen Voice: He's not here yet! Announcer: Two Noses? ------------------ Still The Most Humbly Prideful (?) Member Of The Illuminati! Mark |
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10-26-2001, 02:36 PM
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#14 |
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Banned User
Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: VT, USA
Age: 63
Posts: 3,097
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Scene 35: There's a Bright Side?
The sketch: music MAN: Oh, no. BEGGAR: Oof. Bloody Romans! CENTURION: Watch it! There's still a few crosses left. PARVUS: Up you go, Big Nose! MR. BIG NOSE: I'll get you for this, you b*st*rd. PARVUS: Oh, yeah? MR. BIG NOSE: Oh, yeah. Don't worry. I never forget a face. PARVUS: No? MR. BIG NOSE: I warned you. I'm going to punch you so hard, you Roman git! PARVUS: Shut up, you Jewish turd! MR. BIG NOSE: Who are you calling Jewish?! I'm not Jewish! I'm a Samaritan! GREGORY: A Samaritan? This is supposed to be a Jewish section. PARVUS: It doesn't matter! You're all going to die in a day or two. GREGORY: It may not matter to you, Roman, but it certainly matters to us. Doesn't it, darling? MRS. GREGORY: Oh, rather. GREGORY: Under the terms of the Roman occupancy, we're entitled to be crucified in a purely Jewish area. PHARISEE: Pharisees separate from Sadducees. WELSH MAN: And Swedish separate from Welsh. VICTIMS: Yeah... PARVUS: All right! All right! All right! We'll soon settle this! Hands up, all those who don't want to be crucified here. VICTIMS: Ooh. Oh. Uh. Uh... PARVUS: Right. Next! SAINTLY PASSER-BY: Ah, look. It's not my cross. PARVUS: What?! SAINTLY PASSER-BY: Um, it's not my cross. I was, ah, holding it for someone. Um-- PARVUS: Just lie down. I haven't got all day. SAINTLY PASSER-BY: No, of course. Um, look. I hate to make a fuss-- PARVUS: Look. SAINTLY PASSER-BY: Uhh-- PARVUS: We've had a busy day. There's a hundred and forty of you lot to get up. GREGORY: Is he Jewish? PARVUS: Will you be quiet?! GREGORY: We don't want any more Samaritans around here. PARVUS: Belt up! SAINTLY PASSER-BY: Uh, will you let me down if he comes back? PARVUS: Yeah. Yeah, we'll let you down. Next! BRIAN: You don't have to do this. You don't have to take orders. PARVUS: I like orders. music MR. CHEEKY: See? Not so bad, once you're up. You being rescued, then? Are you? BRIAN: It's a bit late for that now, isn't it? MR. CHEEKY: Oh, now, now. We've got a couple of days up here. Plenty of time. Lots of people get rescued. BRIAN: Ohh? MR. CHEEKY: Oh, yeah. My brother usually rescues me, if he can keep off the tail for more than twenty minutes. Huh. BRIAN: Ahhh? MR. CHEEKY: Randy little bugger. Up and down like the Assyrian Empire. Heh heh heh heh. music Hello. Your family arrived, then? BRIAN: Reg! REG: Hello, sibling Brian. BRIAN: Thank God you've come, Reg. REG: Ahh, yes. Well, I think I should point out first, Brian, in all fairness, that we are not in fact the rescue committee. However, I have been asked to read the following prepared statement on behalf of the Movement. Uh, 'We, the People's Front of Judea, brackets, officials, end brackets, do hereby convey our sincere fraternal and sisterly greetings to you, Brian, on this, the occasion of your martyrdom.' BRIAN: What? REG: 'Your death will stand as a landmark in the continuing struggle to liberate the parent land from the hands of the Roman Imperialist aggressors, excluding those concerned with drainage, medicine, roads, housing, education, viniculture, and any other Romans contributing to the welfare of Jews of both sexes and hermaphrodites. Signed on behalf of the P.F.J., etcetera.' And I'd just like to add, on a personal note, my own admiration for what you are doing for us, Brian, at what must be, after all, for you, a very difficult time. BRIAN: Reg! Well, what are you going to do? REG: Good-bye, Brian, and thanks. FRANCIS: Well done, Brian. Keep it up, lad. LORETTA: Terrific work, Brian. P.F.J.: mumbling REG: Yeah. Right. And... P.F.J.: singing For he's a jolly good fellow! For he's a jolly good fellow! For he's a jolly good fellow! And so say all of us! LORETTA: And so say all of-- clap clap clap BRIAN: You b*st*rds! You b*st*rds! CENTURION: Where is Brian of Nazareth?! BRIAN: You sanctimonious b*st*rds! CENTURION: I have an order for his release! BRIAN: You stupid b*st*rds! MR. CHEEKY: Uh, I'm Brian of Nazareth. BRIAN: What?! MR. CHEEKY: Yeah, I-- I-- I'm Brian of Nazareth. CENTURION: Take him down! BRIAN: I'm Brian of Nazareth! VICTIM #1: Eh, I'm Brian! MR. BIG NOSE: I'm Brian! VICTIM #2: Look, I'm Brian! BRIAN: I'm Brian! VICTIMS: I'm Brian! GREGORY: I'm Brian, and so's my wife! VICTIMS: I'm Brian! I'm Brian!... BRIAN: I'm Brian of Nazareth! CENTURION: All right. Take him away and release him. MR. CHEEKY: No, I'm only joking. I'm not really Brian. No, I'm not Brian. I was only-- It was a joke. I'm only pulling your leg! It's a joke! I'm not him! I'm just having you on! Put me back! Bloody Romans! Can't take a joke! exciting music WORKER: Huuuh! The Judean People's Front! PARVUS: The Judean People's Front! OTTO: Forward all! WORKERS: Look out! The Judean People's Front! The Judean People's Front!... OTTO: We are the Judean People's Front. Crack suicide squad. Suicide squad! Attack! drum roll J.P.F.: Uh! Ugh. Aggh... OTTO: That showed 'em, huh? Oooh. whump BRIAN: You silly sods. JUDITH: Brian! Brian! Brian! Brian! BRIAN: Judith! JUDITH: Terrific! Great! Reg has explained it all to me, and I think it's great what you are doing. sniff Thank you, Brian. I'll-- I'll never forget you. MANDY: So, there you are! I might have known it would end up like this. To think of all the love and affection I've wasted on you. Well, if that's how you treat your poor old mother in the autumn years of her life, all I can say is, 'Go ahead. Be crucified. See if I care.' I might have known it would... BRIAN: Mum! MANDY: ...end up like this. Sex, sex. That's... BRIAN: Mum! MANDY: ...all young people are interested in nowadays. I don't know what the world's coming to. MR. FRISBEE III: Cheer up, Brian. You know what they say. Some things in life are bad. They can really make you mad. Other things just make you swear and curse. When you're chewing on life's gristle, Don't grumble. Give a whistle. And this'll help things turn out for the best. And... music Always look on the bright side of life. whistling Always look on the light side of life. whistling If life seems jolly rotten, There's something you've forgotten, And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing. When you're feeling in the dumps, Don't be silly chumps. Just purse your lips and whistle. That's the thing. And... Always look on the bright side of life. SEVERAL: whistling MR. FRISBEE: Come on! SEVERAL: Always look on the right side of life, whistling MR. FRISBEE: For life is quite absurd And death's the final word. You must always face the curtain with a bow. Forget about your sin. Give the audience a grin. EVERYONE: Enjoy it. It's your last chance, anyhow. So,... Always look on the bright side of death, whistling Just before you draw your terminal breath. whistling MR. FRISBEE: Life's a piece of sh*t, When you look at it. Life's a laugh and death's a joke. It's true. You'll see it's all a show. Keep 'em laughing as you go. Just remember that the last laugh is on you. And... EVERYONE: Always look on the bright side of life. whistling Always look on the right side of life. whistling MR. FRISBEE: Come on, Brian. Cheer up. EVERYONE: Always look on the bright side of life! whistling Always look on the bright side of life! whistling MR. FRISBEE: Worse things happen at sea, you know. EVERYONE: Always look on the bright side of life! MR. FRISBEE: I mean, what you got to lose? You know, you come from nothing. EVERYONE: whistling MR. FRISBEE: You're going back to nothing. What have you lost? Nothing! EVERYONE: Always look on the bright side of life! whistling MR. FRISBEE: Nothing will come from nothing. You know what they say? EVERYONE: Always look on the bright side of life! MR. FRISBEE: Cheer up, you old bugger. Come on. Give us a grin. There you are. See? EVERYONE: whistling MR. FRISBEE: It's the end of the film. Incidentally, this record's available in the foyer. EVERYONE: Always look on the bright side of life! MR. FRISBEE: Some of us have got to live as well, you know. EVERYONE: whistling MR. FRISBEE: Who do you think pays for all this rubbish? EVERYONE: Always look on the bright side of life! MR. FRISBEE: They'll never make their money back, you know. I told him. EVERYONE: whistling MR. FRISBEE: I said to him, 'Bernie.' I said, 'They'll never make their money back.' EVERYONE: Always look on the bright side of life! whistling MR. FRISBEE: That should give you enough. ------------------ Still The Most Humbly Prideful (?) Member Of The Illuminati! Mark |
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10-29-2001, 03:00 PM
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#15 |
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Banned User
Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: VT, USA
Age: 63
Posts: 3,097
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This is to make DragonMage laugh!
Scene 15: Launcelot Saves a Beautiful and Melodious errr Prince? [inside castle] PRINCESS LUCKY and GIRLS: [giggling] [outside castle] GUEST: 'Morning! SENTRY #1: 'Morning. SENTRY #2: Oooh. SENTRY #1: [ptoo] [drum roll] [drum roll] [drum roll] [drum roll] [drum roll] LAUNCELOT: Ha ha! Hiyya! SENTRY #2: Hey! LAUNCELOT: Hiyya!, Ha!, etc. PRINCESS LUCKY and GIRLS: [giggling] LAUNCELOT: Ha ha! Huy! GUESTS: Uuh! Aaah! LAUNCELOT: Ha ha! And take this! Aah! Hiyah! Aah! Aaah! Hyy! Hya! Hiyya! Ha!... GUARD #1: Now, you're not allowed to enter the room-- aaugh! LAUNCELOT: O fair one, behold your humble servant, Sir Launcelot of Camelot. I have come to take y-- Oh, I'm terribly sorry. HERBERT: You got my note! LAUNCELOT: Uh, well, I-- I got, uh, a note. HERBERT: You've come to rescue me! LAUNCELOT: Uh, well, no. You see, I hadn't-- HERBERT: I knew someone would. I knew that somewhere out there... [music] LAUNCELOT: Well, I-- HERBERT: ...there must be... someone... FATHER: Stop that! Stop that! Stop it! Stop it! Who are you? HERBERT: I'm your son! FATHER: No, not you. LAUNCELOT: Uh, I am Sir Launcelot, sir. HERBERT: He's come to rescue me, Father. LAUNCELOT: Well, let's not jump to conclusions. FATHER: Did you kill all those guards? LAUNCELOT: Uh... Oh, yes. Sorry. FATHER: They cost fifty pounds each! LAUNCELOT: Well, I'm awfully sorry. Um, I really can explain everything. HERBERT: Don't be afraid of him, Sir Launcelot. I've got a rope all ready. FATHER: You killed eight wedding guests in all! LAUNCELOT: Well, uh, you see, the thing is, I thought your son was a lady. FATHER: I can understand that. HERBERT: Hurry, Sir Launcelot! Hurry! FATHER: Shut up! You only killed the bride's father, that's all! LAUNCELOT: Well, I really didn't mean to... FATHER: Didn't mean to?! You put your sword right through his head! LAUNCELOT: Oh, dear. Is he all right? FATHER: You even kicked the bride in the chest! This is going to cost me a fortune! LAUNCELOT: Well, I can explain. I was in the forest, um, riding north from Camelot, when I got this note, you see-- FATHER: Camelot? Are you from, uh, Camelot? HERBERT: Hurry, Sir Launcelot! LAUNCELOT: Uh, I am a Knight of King Arthur, sir. FATHER: Very nice castle, Camelot. Uh, very good pig country. LAUNCELOT: Is it? HERBERT: Hurry! I'm ready! FATHER: Would you, uh, like to come and have a drink? LAUNCELOT: Well, that-- that's, uh, awfully nice of you,... HERBERT: I am ready! LAUNCELOT: ...um, I mean to be so understanding. [thonk] Um,... [woosh] HERBERT: Oooh! LAUNCELOT: ...I'm afraid when I'm in this idiom, I sometimes get a bit, uh, sort of carried away. FATHER: Oh, don't worry about that. HERBERT: Oooh! [splat] ------------------ Still The Most Humbly Prideful (?) Member Of The Illuminati! Mark |
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10-29-2001, 03:09 PM
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#16 |
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20th Level Warrior
 Join Date: September 6, 2001
Location: The lighter side of life, a.k.a. Newnan, Georgia
Age: 55
Posts: 2,767
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ROTFL!!! *tears of laughter streaming*
Oh my! And I didn't think I'd actually laugh today. Thanks Mark! (((HUGS))) I especially like the part before this when they can't remember who each other are. "Now listen 'ere Alice." "I'm 'erbert." And "But mother..." "That's 'father'..." But this is playing in my head now! Especially the sound Herbert makes just before he hits...kind of "EEEeeeee", then that 'splat'.  Thanks again, sweetie. I needed that. ------------------   Alureth...Dragon friend of Breanna, Mage and Advisor in the Court of Lady Lioness Co-Owner/Operator of the Evil Petting Zoo and devout member of the HADB clan. Commander of the Dragon Fleet, IW Peacekeeping Force Sublime Sister of the Illuminati - may the Light shine forever! Second Historian and Scribe of IW. Mother Hen of IW. Mage extraordinair, Pin-Up Girl for the OLD-COOTS Magey-Wagey: performer in the Nekked Dancing Trio of the ORT. Hopeless Romantic *sigh* |
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10-29-2001, 03:11 PM
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#17 |
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Banned User
Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: VT, USA
Age: 63
Posts: 3,097
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I just thought we should finish up the scene Breanna. I hope you don't mind!
 Scene 16: You Can't Stop a... errrr Prince?... From Singing GUESTS: [crying] FATHER: Well, this is the main hall. We're going to have all this knocked through and made into one big, uh, living room. GUEST: There he is! FATHER: Oh, bloody hell. [exciting music] LAUNCELOT: Ha ha ha! Hey! Ha ha! FATHER: Hold it! Stop it! Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! Please! LAUNCELOT: Sorry. Sorry. You see what I mean? I just get carried away. I'm really most awfully sorry. Sorry! Sorry, everyone. GUEST #1: He's killed the best man! GUESTS: [yelling] FATHER: Hold it! Hold it! Please! Hold it! This is Sir Launcelot from the Court of Camelot, a very brave and influential knight, and my special guest here today. LAUNCELOT: Hello. GUEST: He killed my auntie! GUESTS: [yelling] FATHER: Please! Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion! Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who. We are here today to witness the union of two young people in the joyful bond of the holy wedlock. Unfortunately, one of them, my son Herbert, has just fallen to his death. GUESTS: Oh! Oh, no! FATHER: But I don't want to think I've not lost a son, so much as... gained a daughter! [clap clap clap] For, since the tragic death of her father-- GUEST #2: He's not quite dead! FATHER: Since the near fatal wounding of her father-- GUEST #2: He's getting better! FATHER: For, since her own father, who, when he seemed about to recover, suddenly felt the icy hand of death upon him. BRIDE'S FATHER: Uugh! GUEST #2: Oh, he's died! FATHER: And I want his only daughter to look upon me as her old dad, in a very real and legally binding sense. [clap clap clap] And I feel sure that the merger-- er, the union between the Princess and the brave, but dangerous, Sir Launcelot of Camelot-- LAUNCELOT: What? GUEST #2: Look! The dead Prince! GUESTS: Oooh! The dead Prince! CONCORDE: He's not quite dead. HERBERT: No, I feel much better. FATHER: You fell out of the Tall Tower, you creep! HERBERT: No, I was saved at the last minute. FATHER: How?! HERBERT: Well, I'll tell you. [music] FATHER: Not like that! Not like that! No! Stop it! GUESTS: [singing] He's going to tell! He's going to tell!... FATHER: Shut uuup! GUESTS: [singing] He's going to tell!... FATHER: Shut up! GUESTS: [singing] He's going to tell!... FATHER: Shut up! GUESTS: [singing] He's going to tell!... FATHER: Not like that! GUESTS: [singing] He's going to tell! He's going to tell! He's going to tell! He's going to tell!... CONCORDE: Quickly, sir! GUESTS: [singing] He's going to tell!... CONCORDE: Come this way! GUESTS: [singing] He's going to tell! He's going to tell!... LAUNCELOT: No! It's not right for my idiom! GUESTS: [singing] He's going to tell about his great escape... LAUNCELOT: I must escape more... [sigh] GUESTS: [singing] Oh, he fell a long, long way,... CONCORDE: Dramatically, sir? LAUNCELOT: Dramatically! GUESTS: [singing] But he's here with us today... LAUNCELOT: Heee! Hoa! [crash] Hoo! GUESTS: [singing] What a wonderful escape! LAUNCELOT: Excuse me. Could, uh-- could somebody give me a push, please? ------------------ Still The Most Humbly Prideful (?) Member Of The Illuminati! Mark |
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10-29-2001, 03:15 PM
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#18 |
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20th Level Warrior
Join Date: September 6, 2001
Location: The lighter side of life, a.k.a. Newnan, Georgia
Age: 55
Posts: 2,767
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LOL! Poor Concord!
I love how they kept bringing ppl back from the 'brink of death'! LOL! ------------------ Alureth...Dragon friend of Breanna, Mage and Advisor in the Court of Lady Lioness Co-Owner/Operator of the Evil Petting Zoo and devout member of the HADB clan. Commander of the Dragon Fleet, IW Peacekeeping Force Sublime Sister of the Illuminati - may the Light shine forever! Second Historian and Scribe of IW. Mother Hen of IW. Mage extraordinair, Pin-Up Girl for the OLD-COOTS Magey-Wagey: performer in the Nekked Dancing Trio of the ORT. Hopeless Romantic *sigh* |
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