Old one but really worth reposting...

Jorath Calar · 10-23-2003, 05:15 AM

I was going through old folders of saved webpages when I found this, I think I posted it once under my first name... anyway that was a long time ago and this still manages to brighten my day.
Someone on theforce.net boards wrote this sometime around 2000, I've forgotten who but sheesh he was a good writer... [img]smile.gif[/img]
Anyway enjoy...

A look inside my computer:
--------------
CPU: System check!
Motherboard: Everything’s looking good, sir. Word processor reports that typing speed is well above fifty words-per-minute.

CPU: Glad to hear it. Have we gotten a report back from the desktop, yet?

Motherboard: Desktop reports icon capacity at 90%, sir. They’re filled to the brim up there.

CPU: 90 already? Tell them to get that number down – start deleting when it’s covered by another window.

Motherboard: Last time we did that, sir, the user went crazy looking for his links! He had the system running checks all afternoon!

CPU: Hmm… very well. Tell them to keep icon deletion to a bare minimum. How’s the modem doing?

Motherboard: Good, sir. Modem reports that it is interfaced with Internet Explorer and Napster. Multitasking is in effect between ignBoards and MP3s – well within limits.

CPU: Good. Be sure to tell McAffe to keep an eye on those downloads – we don’t want another ‘Melissa’ around here.

Motherboard: Aye, sir.

{ALARM}

CPU: What in blazes is that?

Motherboard: {Speaking furiously over communicator} Sir, Microsoft Word reports a ‘Save’ command has been issued.

CPU: {Hits button on chair} C Drive, do you copy?

C Drive: {Garbled over speakers} Aye, sir, we’re here.

CPU: We’ve got an incoming ‘Save’. Think you’ve got enough room for an English paper?

C Drive: ‘Fraid not, sir. We’re at full capacity here, another file and she’ll blow!

CPU: How did this happen, C Drive?

C Drive: It’s the damned porn, sir, there’s too much of it!
CPU: What about the recycle bin? Can you empty it?

C Drive: I’ll try, sir, but… {static}

CPU: C Drive? C Drive!?

Motherboard: We’ve got worse problems than that, sir. Mouse has confirmed a double-click on Photoshop!

CPU: Photoshop? What are our system resources?

Motherboard: We’ve got 75% left, sir.

CPU: Load RAM launcher – sixteen megabytes… Fire!

Motherboard: {Watching screen} No effect, sir, it’s still coming!

CPU: Alright, try another thirty-two meg!

Motherboard: {Presses button} Looks like that got it, sir. Program has loaded normally.

CPU: Good…

{ALARM}

CPU: What now?

Motherboard: Modem confirms positive connection to a porn site, sir.

CPU: He wouldn’t…

Motherboard: Afraid so, sir. Mpeg download confirmed.

CPU: {Talks into communicator} C Drive, have you emptied the recycling bin?

C Drive: Aye, sir, but the only things there were a letter to Grandma from five years ago and a Britney Spears song the sister downloaded when the user wasn’t around. We were able to squeeze the document into memory, though, sir.

CPU: We’ve got worse problems than that, soldier. Incoming mpeg!

C Drive: Another one!? How large?

CPU: Motherboard?

Motherboard: Modem reports the file size at ten megabytes.

CPU: {Speaking to C Drive} Ten megs.

C Drive: We’ve got some time, then. That’ll take at least an hour to download. I’ll start a defrag.

CPU: Negative. Modem recently upgraded to cable. Download will be completed in less than a minute.

C Drive: A minute? We can’t defrag in that time!

CPU: Do we have any other options?

C Drive: None, sir. We’re completely out of space.

CPU: Motherboard, throw the blue screen of death at him – that’ll slow him down, at least.

Motherboard: Aye, sir. {Watches screen} Sir, we’re registering a Control-Alt-Delete. Blue screen of death is falling. Download has resumed.

CPU: Damn! How much longer do we have?

Motherboard: Ten seconds, sir… five… four… three… two… one…

{ROOM SHAKES}

C Drive: It’s too much, sir! We can’t handle it! She’s gonna crash!

CPU: Motherboard, activate system shutdown! Quickly, before we lose the hard drive!

C Drive: It’s too late, we can’t…

{EXPLOSION, FLASH OF LIGHT}

*A fatal exception 06 has occurred at 0028:00000017. The current application will be terminated.*

RoSs_bg2_rox · 10-23-2003, 05:27 AM

LMAO that really good!

Harkoliar · 10-23-2003, 05:31 AM

ooo.. good one [img]smile.gif[/img]

Link · 10-23-2003, 06:51 AM

LOL! Too funny! [img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img]

dplax · 10-23-2003, 07:09 AM

I needed that after three tests this week.

wellard · 10-23-2003, 08:31 AM

Now that was funny, dammed funny LOL [img]graemlins/heee.gif[/img]

Zuvio · 10-23-2003, 10:47 AM

Wow, you were right! This guy has great writing skills, love the stopry man!

slicer15 · 10-23-2003, 11:41 AM

Great story, man, hilarious!

Raistlin Majere · 10-23-2003, 12:13 PM

[img]graemlins/laugh3.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/laugh2.gif[/img] excellent stuff

[ 10-23-2003, 12:15 PM: Message edited by: Raistlin Majere ]

Beaumanoir · 10-23-2003, 01:13 PM

Hehehe, An old one but it still made me chuckle

10-23-2003, 05:27 AM	#2
RoSs_bg2_rox Zartan Join Date: May 20, 2003 Location: Near Aberdeen, Scotland Age: 35 Posts: 5,225	LMAO that really good! __________________ [img]\"http://img.ranchoweb.com/images/ladyzekke/dragonwater2.gif\" alt=\" - \" />

10-23-2003, 05:31 AM	#3
Harkoliar Jack Burton Join Date: March 21, 2001 Location: Philippines, but now Harbor City Sydney Age: 41 Posts: 5,556	ooo.. good one [img]smile.gif[/img] __________________ Catch me if you can..

10-23-2003, 07:09 AM	#5
dplax Jack Burton Join Date: July 19, 2003 Location: an expat living in France Age: 38 Posts: 5,577	I needed that after three tests this week. __________________

10-23-2003, 08:31 AM	#6
wellard Dracolisk Join Date: November 1, 2002 Location: Australia ..... G\'day! Posts: 6,123	Now that was funny, dammed funny LOL [img]graemlins/heee.gif[/img] __________________ fossils - natures way of laughing at creationists for over 3 billion years

10-23-2003, 10:47 AM	#7
Zuvio Gold Dragon Join Date: May 19, 2002 Location: Blessed are those who are not.... Age: 42 Posts: 2,556	Wow, you were right! This guy has great writing skills, love the stopry man! __________________ [img]\"http://img121.exs.cx/img121/4236/zuviodemonnoname2hf.gif\" alt=\" - \" />

10-23-2003, 05:15 AM	#1
Jorath Calar Harper Join Date: October 6, 2001 Location: Iceland Posts: 4,706	I was going through old folders of saved webpages when I found this, I think I posted it once under my first name... anyway that was a long time ago and this still manages to brighten my day. Someone on theforce.net boards wrote this sometime around 2000, I've forgotten who but sheesh he was a good writer... [img]smile.gif[/img] Anyway enjoy... A look inside my computer: -------------- CPU: System check! Motherboard: Everything’s looking good, sir. Word processor reports that typing speed is well above fifty words-per-minute. CPU: Glad to hear it. Have we gotten a report back from the desktop, yet? Motherboard: Desktop reports icon capacity at 90%, sir. They’re filled to the brim up there. CPU: 90 already? Tell them to get that number down – start deleting when it’s covered by another window. Motherboard: Last time we did that, sir, the user went crazy looking for his links! He had the system running checks all afternoon! CPU: Hmm… very well. Tell them to keep icon deletion to a bare minimum. How’s the modem doing? Motherboard: Good, sir. Modem reports that it is interfaced with Internet Explorer and Napster. Multitasking is in effect between ignBoards and MP3s – well within limits. CPU: Good. Be sure to tell McAffe to keep an eye on those downloads – we don’t want another ‘Melissa’ around here. Motherboard: Aye, sir. {ALARM} CPU: What in blazes is that? Motherboard: {Speaking furiously over communicator} Sir, Microsoft Word reports a ‘Save’ command has been issued. CPU: {Hits button on chair} C Drive, do you copy? C Drive: {Garbled over speakers} Aye, sir, we’re here. CPU: We’ve got an incoming ‘Save’. Think you’ve got enough room for an English paper? C Drive: ‘Fraid not, sir. We’re at full capacity here, another file and she’ll blow! CPU: How did this happen, C Drive? C Drive: It’s the damned porn, sir, there’s too much of it! CPU: What about the recycle bin? Can you empty it? C Drive: I’ll try, sir, but… {static} CPU: C Drive? C Drive!? Motherboard: We’ve got worse problems than that, sir. Mouse has confirmed a double-click on Photoshop! CPU: Photoshop? What are our system resources? Motherboard: We’ve got 75% left, sir. CPU: Load RAM launcher – sixteen megabytes… Fire! Motherboard: {Watching screen} No effect, sir, it’s still coming! CPU: Alright, try another thirty-two meg! Motherboard: {Presses button} Looks like that got it, sir. Program has loaded normally. CPU: Good… {ALARM} CPU: What now? Motherboard: Modem confirms positive connection to a porn site, sir. CPU: He wouldn’t… Motherboard: Afraid so, sir. Mpeg download confirmed. CPU: {Talks into communicator} C Drive, have you emptied the recycling bin? C Drive: Aye, sir, but the only things there were a letter to Grandma from five years ago and a Britney Spears song the sister downloaded when the user wasn’t around. We were able to squeeze the document into memory, though, sir. CPU: We’ve got worse problems than that, soldier. Incoming mpeg! C Drive: Another one!? How large? CPU: Motherboard? Motherboard: Modem reports the file size at ten megabytes. CPU: {Speaking to C Drive} Ten megs. C Drive: We’ve got some time, then. That’ll take at least an hour to download. I’ll start a defrag. CPU: Negative. Modem recently upgraded to cable. Download will be completed in less than a minute. C Drive: A minute? We can’t defrag in that time! CPU: Do we have any other options? C Drive: None, sir. We’re completely out of space. CPU: Motherboard, throw the blue screen of death at him – that’ll slow him down, at least. Motherboard: Aye, sir. {Watches screen} Sir, we’re registering a Control-Alt-Delete. Blue screen of death is falling. Download has resumed. CPU: Damn! How much longer do we have? Motherboard: Ten seconds, sir… five… four… three… two… one… {ROOM SHAKES} C Drive: It’s too much, sir! We can’t handle it! She’s gonna crash! CPU: Motherboard, activate system shutdown! Quickly, before we lose the hard drive! C Drive: It’s too late, we can’t… {EXPLOSION, FLASH OF LIGHT} A fatal exception 06 has occurred at 0028:00000017. The current application will be terminated.

10-23-2003, 06:51 AM	#4
Link Jack Burton Join Date: May 15, 2001 Location: The Netherlands Age: 39 Posts: 5,888	LOL! Too funny! [img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img]

10-23-2003, 11:41 AM	#8
slicer15 Symbol of Cyric Join Date: November 12, 2002 Location: Banstead, Southeast England Age: 37 Posts: 1,162	Great story, man, hilarious!

10-23-2003, 12:13 PM	#9
Raistlin Majere Ra Join Date: March 26, 2002 Location: Finland Age: 36 Posts: 2,323	[img]graemlins/laugh3.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/laugh2.gif[/img] excellent stuff [ 10-23-2003, 12:15 PM: Message edited by: Raistlin Majere ] __________________ If the radiance of a thousand suns were to burst forth at once in the sky, that would be like the splendor of the Mighty One. "I am become death, the destroyer of worlds."

10-23-2003, 01:13 PM	#10
Beaumanoir Iron Throne Cult Join Date: June 3, 2001 Location: There is no IRL, Only AFK. Age: 35 Posts: 4,896	Hehehe, An old one but it still made me chuckle

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