thats why you should not be playing AD&D with these people

TheThing · 05-17-2002, 11:20 PM

the following group joint together in the chase of Jon Irenicus in the DM's house: girlfriend (always the first), little sister, whinnie and munchikin

DM: ok, so Jon Irenicus, the treachrous evil wizard, stole your essence. You are trapped in his vampire sister's dungeon. what do you do now?

Whinnie: ok, are we gonna die?

little sister: what is vampire?

DM: oh, it is a creature that sucks your blood.

little sister: cooool, can I be a vampire?

DM: no

munchikin: can I?

little sister: pretty pleeeease?

whinne: is it just me or I got a feeling that we are gonna die?!

DM: no, you are not gonna die

little sister: so I can be a vampire now? thanks Johnnie, *smooch*

munchkin: thank you! *sm...

DM: get away from me, you CANNOT be a vampire.

little sister: why not? *sad face* MOM! Johnnie called me a dickhead!

MOM: JOHN?! don't call you sister that!

DM: gosh, MOM, I DID NOT!

DAD sticks his head in: don't talk back! hey, what you guys doing? did I say no gamble here?

whinnie: ok, are we gonna die?

girlfriend got restless: come john, just let your sister have her way and get moving!

DM: ok, sure. now you are a vampire, sis.

Munchkin: what about me?

DM: f--- you

Munchkin: fine, I jump in my SUV and start chasing Irenicus

DM: you don't have a SUV

Munchkin: yes I do

DM: no you don't

Munchkin: sure I do

DM: sure you don't

Munchkin: do too!

DM: do not!

Munchkin: why not?

DM: this is freaking forgotten realm, you DO NOT have a god damn SUV here, alright? you have a horse

Munchkin: ok, we all got on the horse, arrive at a bar. I throw the key to the waiter boy and said "park my SUV"

girlfriend: a bar? woo--hoooo, we go in and have a good time

DM: $%^& you don't have a SUV!

Munchkin: sure I do, I just parked it

DM: no you don't!

Munchkin: I just parked it!

DM: you know what, you suck. a bolt of lighting struck down from sky, and burnt your SUV. like that?

Munchkin: .... (turn to little sister) he just destroyed my SUV

little sister: (with a new sudden respect to DM's power, said fearfully) I know... (whisper) he is a meanie

DM: hey, I heard that!

whinnie: how come I think we are going to die?

(later, in battle)

Munchkin: I threw a 20, and hits the orc-fighter's head, my two handed sword of never miss penatrate his helmet, and cracked his skull.

DM: no, you just threw a 5, and with yout pathetically practiced aim (aka, thac0), you missed, left yourself wide open. (roll) you take 15 dmg

whinnie: (look up in horror) oh my god, you are gonna die!

little sister: whats thac0?

DM (explains thac0)

little sister: the lower the better?

DM: yes

little sister: can I have -20 thac0?

Munchkin: what? I cannot miss! my sword is called sword of never miss (which can be wielded in one hand, by the way, cool huh?) how can I miss? thats why it is called NEVER MISS

DM: well, you just missed. I guess it needs to change its name now

Munchkin: this sucks, whats my thac0?

DM: 21

Munchkin: huh? it is NOT

DM: yes it is, you haven't rested for two days, and you are fatigued from the encounter with Jon Irenicus. your thac0 is 21

little sister: you just said from 0 to 20! you liar!

DM (inhale)

girlfriend: ahhh, that orc archer hits me

DM (roll, and check secret table): his arrow stuck in your face, heh, that gonna leave a scar. you faint from the pain

girlfriend (looks up dangerously): do you want to do it tonight?

DM: ... ok, a holy bolt drop on you, all your wounds are healed, you stand up with refreshed energy and two new levels

everyone else: nooo, thats not fair!

whinnie: this game sucks

DM: no it doesn't

Munchkin: yes, I do have a SUV

DM: oh shut up.

Munchkin: I want my suv, I want my suv, I want my suv!

DM grab munchkin's character sheet and tear it up & threw it in the trash can: there, still want your SUV?

(silence)

little sister: it is mine

DM: what?

little sister: it is mine, the character sheet...

DM: oh gosh, I am sorry

Munchkin: no, it is mine

DM: what the ■■■■, whose is it? let me see

Munchkin: no, the trash can is mine

DM: no it is mine.

Munchkin: sure is mine, its got my character in it

DM: your character is DEAD! plus, it was my little sis' character

Munchkin: still it is mine

DM: shut the ■■■■ up

whinnie: ok, we are all gonna die now.

[ 05-17-2002, 11:20 PM: Message edited by: TheThing ]

/)eathKiller · 05-17-2002, 11:28 PM

ROTFLMAO! *falls out of chair*

HAHHA that's a good one! I can't wait to get back to playing D&D after this stupid broadway performance is over and done with! This practice time has made me miss far too many games and way too many movies! it's not fair anymore!

TheThing · 05-18-2002, 05:39 PM

okay... no one else thinks this is funny?

Talthyr Malkaviel · 05-18-2002, 05:42 PM

Yup, I just couldn't be bothered to click the reply buttomn, I'd havre had to move my hand a little.

Lavindathar · 05-18-2002, 07:57 PM

Yeah, that was ace!!!

Lol, sorry I didn't reply quicker, but I've only just read it!!!

hehe.

I luv ur likkle sis, this line made me nearly piss my pants:

little sister: why not? *sad face* MOM! Johnnie called me a dickhead!

Quality!!

Helspanth · 05-18-2002, 08:26 PM

Terrific!
The best thing is that it can actually HAPPEN in a way!!!!

Glorfindel · 05-18-2002, 08:43 PM

ROTFLMFAO!!! [img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img] I love It!!!!

Daniel · 05-18-2002, 10:22 PM

lmao It sounds worse than my recent attempt at DM'ing, reading yours doesn't make me feel quite as bad lol, nice of you too share it with us [img]smile.gif[/img]

Lanthir · 05-19-2002, 03:36 AM

ah couldn't you have just let her be a vamp. You meanie

Rikard_OHF · 05-19-2002, 05:33 AM

Reminds me of playing DnD with 250 [img]smile.gif[/img]

05-17-2002, 11:28 PM	#2
/)eathKiller Dracolisk Join Date: January 5, 2002 Location: Guantanamo Bay, Cuba Age: 38 Posts: 6,043	ROTFLMAO! falls out of chair HAHHA that's a good one! I can't wait to get back to playing D&D after this stupid broadway performance is over and done with! This practice time has made me miss far too many games and way too many movies! it's not fair anymore! __________________ [img]\"http://membres.lycos.fr/th8or/ZeroSigForIronworks.gif\" alt=\" - \" /> o.o;

05-18-2002, 05:42 PM	#4
Talthyr Malkaviel Ma'at - Goddess of Truth & Justice Join Date: August 31, 2001 Location: Land of the Britons Age: 37 Posts: 3,224	Yup, I just couldn't be bothered to click the reply buttomn, I'd havre had to move my hand a little. __________________ Resident cantankerous sorcerer of the Clan HADB<br />and Sorcerous Nuttella salesman of the O.R.T<br /> <br /><br />Say NO to the Trouser Tyranny! Can I drill you about this?

05-18-2002, 07:57 PM	#5
Lavindathar Harper Join Date: March 21, 2001 Location: Lancs, England Age: 39 Posts: 4,729	Yeah, that was ace!!! Lol, sorry I didn't reply quicker, but I've only just read it!!! hehe. I luv ur likkle sis, this line made me nearly piss my pants: little sister: why not? sad face* MOM! Johnnie called me a dickhead!* Quality!! __________________ =@

05-18-2002, 08:26 PM	#6
Helspanth Quintesson Join Date: January 21, 2002 Location: Thessaloniki,Hellas Age: 42 Posts: 1,050	Terrific! The best thing is that it can actually HAPPEN in a way!!!! __________________ \"Sorrow is the future tense of love\"

05-19-2002, 03:36 AM	#9
Lanthir Drizzt Do'Urden Join Date: April 3, 2002 Location: West Palm Beach Age: 43 Posts: 612	ah couldn't you have just let her be a vamp. You meanie __________________ <br /><br />[url]\"http://home.talkcity.com/ImaginaryPl/lanthir/index.html\" target=\"_blank\">All About Lanthir</a>

05-17-2002, 11:20 PM	#1
TheThing Banned User Join Date: March 17, 2002 Location: shadow Posts: 246	the following group joint together in the chase of Jon Irenicus in the DM's house: girlfriend (always the first), little sister, whinnie and munchikin DM: ok, so Jon Irenicus, the treachrous evil wizard, stole your essence. You are trapped in his vampire sister's dungeon. what do you do now? Whinnie: ok, are we gonna die? little sister: what is vampire? DM: oh, it is a creature that sucks your blood. little sister: cooool, can I be a vampire? DM: no munchikin: can I? little sister: pretty pleeeease? whinne: is it just me or I got a feeling that we are gonna die?! DM: no, you are not gonna die little sister: so I can be a vampire now? thanks Johnnie, smooch munchkin: thank you! sm... DM: get away from me, you CANNOT be a vampire. little sister: why not? sad face* MOM! Johnnie called me a dickhead! MOM: JOHN?! don't call you sister that! DM: gosh, MOM, I DID NOT! DAD sticks his head in: don't talk back! hey, what you guys doing? did I say no gamble here? whinnie: ok, are we gonna die? girlfriend got restless: come john, just let your sister have her way and get moving! DM: ok, sure. now you are a vampire, sis. Munchkin: what about me? DM: f--- you Munchkin: fine, I jump in my SUV and start chasing Irenicus DM: you don't have a SUV Munchkin: yes I do DM: no you don't Munchkin: sure I do DM: sure you don't Munchkin: do too! DM: do not! Munchkin: why not? DM: this is freaking forgotten realm, you DO NOT have a god damn SUV here, alright? you have a horse Munchkin: ok, we all got on the horse, arrive at a bar. I throw the key to the waiter boy and said "park my SUV" girlfriend: a bar? woo--hoooo, we go in and have a good time DM: $%^& you don't have a SUV! Munchkin: sure I do, I just parked it DM: no you don't! Munchkin: I just parked it! DM: you know what, you suck. a bolt of lighting struck down from sky, and burnt your SUV. like that? Munchkin: .... (turn to little sister) he just destroyed my SUV little sister: (with a new sudden respect to DM's power, said fearfully) I know... (whisper) he is a meanie DM: hey, I heard that! whinnie: how come I think we are going to die? (later, in battle) Munchkin: I threw a 20, and hits the orc-fighter's head, my two handed sword of never miss penatrate his helmet, and cracked his skull. DM: no, you just threw a 5, and with yout pathetically practiced aim (aka, thac0), you missed, left yourself wide open. (roll) you take 15 dmg whinnie: (look up in horror) oh my god, you are gonna die! little sister: whats thac0? DM (explains thac0) little sister: the lower the better? DM: yes little sister: can I have -20 thac0? Munchkin: what? I cannot miss! my sword is called sword of never miss (which can be wielded in one hand, by the way, cool huh?) how can I miss? thats why it is called NEVER MISS DM: well, you just missed. I guess it needs to change its name now Munchkin: this sucks, whats my thac0? DM: 21 Munchkin: huh? it is NOT DM: yes it is, you haven't rested for two days, and you are fatigued from the encounter with Jon Irenicus. your thac0 is 21 little sister: you just said from 0 to 20! you liar! DM (inhale) girlfriend: ahhh, that orc archer hits me DM (roll, and check secret table): his arrow stuck in your face, heh, that gonna leave a scar. you faint from the pain girlfriend (looks up dangerously): do you want to do it tonight? DM: ... ok, a holy bolt drop on you, all your wounds are healed, you stand up with refreshed energy and two new levels everyone else: nooo, thats not fair! whinnie: this game sucks DM: no it doesn't Munchkin: yes, I do have a SUV DM: oh shut up. Munchkin: I want my suv, I want my suv, I want my suv! DM grab munchkin's character sheet and tear it up & threw it in the trash can: there, still want your SUV? (silence) little sister: it is mine DM: what? little sister: it is mine, the character sheet... DM: oh gosh, I am sorry Munchkin: no, it is mine DM: what the ■■■■, whose is it? let me see Munchkin: no, the trash can is mine DM: no it is mine. Munchkin: sure is mine, its got my character in it DM: your character is DEAD! plus, it was my little sis' character Munchkin: still it is mine DM: shut the ■■■■ up whinnie: ok, we are all gonna die now. [ 05-17-2002, 11:20 PM: Message edited by: TheThing ]

05-18-2002, 05:39 PM	#3
TheThing Banned User Join Date: March 17, 2002 Location: shadow Posts: 246	okay... no one else thinks this is funny?

05-18-2002, 08:43 PM	#7
Glorfindel Ma'at - Goddess of Truth & Justice Join Date: January 9, 2002 Location: Mt. Gambier, Australia Age: 36 Posts: 3,337	ROTFLMFAO!!! [img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img] I love It!!!!

05-18-2002, 10:22 PM	#8
Daniel Symbol of Cyric Join Date: January 24, 2002 Location: England Age: 41 Posts: 1,203	lmao It sounds worse than my recent attempt at DM'ing, reading yours doesn't make me feel quite as bad lol, nice of you too share it with us [img]smile.gif[/img]

05-19-2002, 05:33 AM	#10
Rikard_OHF Beholder Join Date: March 4, 2001 Location: Het Hertogdom Gelre!!!!! Age: 39 Posts: 4,364	Reminds me of playing DnD with 250 [img]smile.gif[/img] __________________ [img]\"http://confed.xl-designs.com/siggeh18.gif\" alt=\" - \" /><br /> <img border=\"0\" alt=\"[bunny]\" title=\"\" src=\"graemlins/bunny.gif\" /> Return of the Bunny Army! <img border=\"0\" alt=\"[bunny]\" title=\"\" src=\"graemlins/bunny.gif\" />

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