Got any Good Jokes?

[Gilgamesh]

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Joke:
An english man, irish man and scottish man crash land on a cannibal island, and they get captured by a tribe of cannibals, they are shown before the tribe leader.

The tribe leader said to the 3 men:
"Bring back 10 fruts that are of the same time each, and we wont eat you"

So they all agree.

The Scottish man is the first one to come back with 10 apples, the tribe leader said:

"Shuv them up your bum, with out making any facial expretions, and we wont eat you!"

So the scottishman manages to stick 10 apples up his bum, but he then bursts out crying. So the tribe tie him up by the fire waitin to cook him.

Then the English man comes back with 10 cherries, so he had to stick them up his bum. He got up to the last one and he burst out laughing, so they tie him up next to the Scottishman.

The scottishman asked:
"Why did you burst out laughing?"

And the Englishman replied:
"Because i just saw the Irishman come back with 10 pineapples"
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If you have any more jokes, please let me hear them, im bored, tell me some.

I know one! I know one!

Two men are talking at work on Monday morning,
After spending Saturday night out at the pub.
"oh, I was so drunk when I got back"
Says the First one,
"I mean, dude, I was so drunk, I went back and blew chunks in the
bathroom" He continued.
"hey man, there's nothing wrong with that, I mean, I've been drunk
before and vomited, Just be thankful you did it in the bathroom eh?"
said the second.
"Dude" said the first, "you don't understand, Chunks is my dog!"

[purre]

Sorry no jokes at the moment,but your joke was too funny!!!!
LOL!!!! [img]graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]
Maybe I should get a seatbelt to my chair,some jokes are just too funny! [img]graemlins/laugh2.gif[/img]

[Gilgamesh]

Joke:
Mounted Cop

There was a cop on his horse waiting to cross the road when a little boy on his new shiny bike stopped beside him.
''Nice bike,'' the cop said, ''did Santa bring it to you?''

''Yep,'' the little boy said, ''he sure did!''

The cop looked at the bike and while handing the boy a $20 ticket he said, ''Next year, tell Santa to put a license plate on the back of it.''

To go along with the cop, the little boy said, ''Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?'' ''Yes, He sure did,'' said the cop.

The little boy looked up at the cop and said, ''Next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse instead of on top.''

[Gilgamesh]

Joke:
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Barnyard Poem
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The sky was dark
The moon was high
We were alone
Just she and I
Her hair was brown
Her eyes were too
I knew just what
She wanted to do
So with my courage
I did my best
And placed my hand
Upon her breast
I trembled and shook
And felt her heart
Slowly she spread
Her legs apart
I knew she was ready
But I didn't know how
It was my first try
At milking a cow

[Gilgamesh]

Joke:
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Tarzan, King of the Elephant Trunk
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Tarzan gets into a huge fight with a lion in the jungles of Africa. The lion is defeated, but not before it rips off Tarzan's arm, eye, and dick. Of course, Tarzan's jungle friends help him out by giving him the parts he needs -- the eye of an eagle, the arm of a gorilla, and an elephant trunk for a dick. A while later, Cheeta the Chimp asks Tarzan how his new parts are working out for him.
"Tarzan like. With new eye, can see far. With new arm, Tarzan strong. But no like new wee-wee."

"Why's that?"

"It keep taking weeds and shoving in Tarzan's ass."

[Gilgamesh]

Joke:
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I'd Rather Have a Puppy
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A little boy and his dad were walking down the street whan they saw two dogs having sex. The little boy asks his father “Daddy, what are they doing?” The father says, “Making a puppy.” So they walk on and go home.
A few days later, the little boy walks in on his parents having sex. The little boy says, “Daddy, what are you doing?” The father replies, “Making a baby.” The little boy says, “Well, flip her around! I'd rather have a puppy instead!”

[Gilgamesh]

Joke:
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Dangerous Squirrels
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A man, Bob, and his friend Joe went out hunting. This was Joe's first time ever hunting, so he was following Bob's lead. Bob saw a small herd of deer and told Joe to stay in the exact spot he was and to be quiet! After a few minutes, Bob heard a loud scream. He ran back and asked Joe what had happened. Joe said “There was this snake and he slittered across my feet, but I never screamed. Then there was this bear that came up to me and snarled, but I never screamed.”
“So then what did make you scream,” Bob asked, exasperated. “Well,” Joe continued, “two squirells crawled up my pants and I overheard them say, ‘Should we take them home or eat 'em now?’”

[Charean]

In promulgating your esoteric cogitation or articulating your superficial sentimentalities, and amicable philosophical or psychological observations, beware of platitudinous ponderosity.

Let your conversational communications possess a compacted conciseness, a clarified comprehensibility, a coalescent cogency, and a concatenated consistency.

Eschew obfuscation and all conglomeration of flatulent garrulity, jejune babblement, and asinine affectations.

Let your extemporaneous descanting and unpremeditated expatiation have intelligibility and voracious vivacity without rodomontade or thrasonical bombast.

Sedulously avoid all polysyllabic profundity, pompous prolificacy, and vain vapid verbosity.

In short: "Be brief and don't use big words."

[Charean]

How do you tell the difference between a liberal and a conservative?

Easy. Watch a man drowning fifty feet offshore.

The conservative will throw out 25 feet of rope and shout "swim for it!"

The liberal will toss out 50 feet of rope, drop his own end, and go off to do another good deed.