Cloudy's Corner : Words of Wisdom? hehehe

[Cloudbringer]

Hello everyone! Welcome to Cloudy's Corner again! A bit of advice? LOL or humor or just take it/leave it as you will....Cloudy sees some truth in here...hehehe


Female keywords and their meanings:

"Fine": This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel
we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how
woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

"Five minutes": This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five
minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash,
so it's an even trade.

"Nothing": This means something and you should be on your toes.
"Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn
you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an
argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".

"Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result
in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine."

"Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows): This means "I give up" or "do what you
want because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go ahead" in just
a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you
in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

:::...... This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal
statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you
are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing
here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

...::... Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are
one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content.
Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

"Oh": This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; "Oh, let
me get that." Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last
night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, RUN, do not walk, to the nearest
exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your
clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2
days. "Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in
a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised
eyebrows "Go ahead" followed by acts so unspeakable that we can't bring
ourselves to write about them.

"That's Okay": This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman

can say to a man. "That's Okay," means that she wants to think long and
hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have
done.

"That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction

with a raised eyebrow "Go ahead." At some point in the near future when
she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

"Please Do": This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving
you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing
whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the
truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".

"Thanks": A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say you're
welcome.

"Thanks a lot": This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say,
"Thanks a lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that
you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud
Sigh."

Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will
only tell you "Nothing."

I hope this clears up any misunderstandings...

Got this from a friend on a mailing list. Couldn't help myself, had to share it!

Cloudy

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Raindancer of the Laughing Hyenas Clan
Storm-Queen
StormCloud of the Black Knight: Heart Mind Soul Forever
"To sleep, perchance to dream..."

[This message has been edited by Cloudbringer (edited 06-24-2001).]

[Pudney]

Amusing, but oh so true

[Grand-Ranger]

LOL great stuff, makes sence too...

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So if in the forest look behind you, because that where the ranger is going to be

[kiwidoc]

What I want to know is why does every thing Cloudy wrote apply to my husband. He ain't much of a man but I am sure he isn't a woman either

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There is only one kiwidoc, accept no substitutes

STANDARD OPERATING PROCEEDURE
www.judyhope.co.uk

[Davros]

LOL, Grand Ranger, the thread is about female emotions - us males are not meant to make sense of those . If you catch yourself believing that you understand then a bucket of cold water is required to bring you out of this daze . Besides, it is a well established fact that if it ever gets to the stage that one of us blokes start to make sense of female emotions, a loud warning claxon sounds in their sectret opeartion centre, and instantly all the ground rules are changed.

Davr readies himself to duck incoming. That is except for Cloudy, she is usually more predictable (throws water), so I ready my fabulous Polymorph Duck spell .

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[bilqis]

ROTFLMAO!!! Oh that is so priceless Cloudy!! My tummy hurts from laughing so hard!

Gotta add this one to my collection.......

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Having abandoned my
search for truth, I am
now looking for a good
fantasy.

Thank you to the kind R³
for being such eloquent
& witty spokesmen.

[Grand-Ranger]

Originally posted by Davros: LOL, Grand Ranger, the thread is about female emotions - us males are not meant to make sense of those . If you catch yourself believing that you understand then a bucket of cold water is required to bring you out of this daze . Besides, it is a well established fact that if it ever gets to the stage that one of us blokes start to make sense of female emotions, a loud warning claxon sounds in their sectret opeartion centre, and instantly all the ground rules are changed. Davr readies himself to duck incoming. That is except for Cloudy, she is usually more predictable (throws water), so I ready my fabulous Polymorph Duck spell .

LOL well I always thought that they are posting this kina stuff to help us understand them..And I am trying (trying to anyway) my hardest too understand..

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So if in the forest look behind you, because that where the ranger is going to be

[Staralfur]

*scribble scribble scribble* what's the one about nothing, right got it *scribble scribble scribble* (Why didn't I just print that out) Maybe that's where I'm going wrong.

I'll now return the favour.

"I'm going fishing."
Really means...
"I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"Woman driver."
Really means....
"Someone who doesn't speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures and has a better driving record than me."

"I don't care what color you paint the kitchen."
Really means....
"As long as it's not blue, green, pink, red, yellow, lavender, gray, mauve, black, turquoise or any other color besides white."

"It's a guy thing."
Really means....
"There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Can I help with dinner?"
Really means....
"You know I'll muck the whole thing up, so can you do it all for me"

"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."
Really mean....
Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response like Pavlov's dog drooling.

"Good idea."
Really means....
"It'll never work. And I'll spend the rest of the day gloating."

"Have you lost weight?"
Really means....
"I've done something really bad and I'm trying to make up for it in advance"

"My wife doesn't understand me."
Really means....
"She's heard all my stories before, and is tired of them."

"It would take too long to explain."
Really means....
"I have no idea how it works."

"I'm getting more exercise lately."
Really means....
"The batteries in the remote are dead."

"I got a lot done."
Really means....
"I found 'Waldo' in almost every picture."

"We're going to be late."
Really means....
"Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"Hey, I've read all the classics."
Really means....
"I've been subscribing to Playboy since 1972."

"You cook just like my mother used to."
Really means....
"She used the smoke detector as a meal timer, too."

"I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind."
Really means....
"I was wondering if that red-head over there is wearing a bra."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
Really means....
"I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."
Really means....
"I forgot our anniversary again."

"It's a really good movie."
Really means....
"It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and Heather Locklear."

"Go ask your mother."
Really means....
"I am incapable of making a decision."

"You know how bad my memory is."
Really means....
"I remember the theme song to F Troop, the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
Really means....
"I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."

"I do help around the house."
Really means....
"I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket."

"I can't find it."
Really means....
"It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"What do you mean, you need new clothes?"
Really means....
"You just bought new clothes 3 years ago."

"But I hate to go shopping."
Really means....
"Because I always wind up outside the dressing room holding your purse."

"I'm going to stop off for a quick one with the guys."
Really means....
"I am planning on drinking myself into a vegetative stupor with my chest pounding, mouth breathing, pre-evolutionary companions."

"I heard you."
Really means....
"I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."

"You know I could never love anyone else."
Really means....
"I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."

"You look terrific."
Really means....
"Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."

"I brought you a present."
Really means....
"It was free ice scraper night at the ball game."

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
Really means....
"No one will ever see us alive again."

"We share the housework."
Really means....
"I make the messes, she cleans them up."

"This relationship is getting too serious."
Really means....
"I like you more than my truck."

"Of course I like it, honey, you look beautiful."
Really means....
"Oh, man, what have you done to yourself?"

"I don't need to read the instructions."
Really means....
"I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."

"I'll take you to a fancy restaurant."
Really means....
"Someplace that doesn't have a drive-thru window."

"I broke up with her."
Really means....
"She dumped me."

"Will you marry me?"
Really means....
"Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter."

I hope this clears a few things up for the fairer sex.

[Sazerac]

Guys, it all comes down to one thing: Pheromones.

When the ladies start "moaning" about stuff, you'd better start "fearing"!

[Cloudbringer]

Originally posted by Davros: LOL, Grand Ranger, the thread is about female emotions - us males are not meant to make sense of those . If you catch yourself believing that you understand then a bucket of cold water is required to bring you out of this daze . Besides, it is a well established fact that if it ever gets to the stage that one of us blokes start to make sense of female emotions, a loud warning claxon sounds in their sectret opeartion centre, and instantly all the ground rules are changed. Davr readies himself to duck incoming. That is except for Cloudy, she is usually more predictable (throws water), so I ready my fabulous Polymorph Duck spell .

Hmmm... Methinks I hear the sound of QUACKING...yes, I'm sure of it and it's coming from Australia! Why look! A large duck talking about...no...ducks don't talk about women... do they...? *checks her list of duck a l'orange igredients*...I'm sure they don't...

Hi Davros! Long time no see! Well, it's been a day or two at least! It's raining steadily here. Great weather for plants and ducks!

Cloudy

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Raindancer of the Laughing Hyenas Clan
Storm-Queen
StormCloud of the Black Knight: Heart Mind Soul Forever
"To sleep, perchance to dream..."