Cloudy's Corner, TEEHEE!

[Charean]

The River

One day, three men were hiking and unexpectedly came upon a large raging,
violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how
to do so.

The first man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength to
cross this river." Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and
he was able to swim across the river in about two hours, after almost
drowning a couple of times.

Seeing this, the second man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give
me the strength ..and the tools to cross this river." Poof! God gave him a
rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about an hour, after
almost capsizing the boat a couple of times.

The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he
also prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength and the
tools...and the intelligence... to cross this river."

And poof! God turned him into a woman. She looked at the map, hiked
upstream a couple of hundred yards, then walked across the bridge

_____


------------------

Defender for the Light -
Goodness knows there is a lot of Dark out there!! - Where are my matches?!?
Wandering Joke of the Laughing Hyenas
Aquisition master of the Finest of Humours - and the Killer Joke
Muse and Eternal Love of KDogRex

[Charean]

Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter.

Everything the girl touched would melt. No matter what, metal, wood,
plastic, etc. Everything she touched would melt!

Because of this, men were afraid of her and nobody would dare to marry
her. One day a wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that
would not melt in her hands, her symptom will be cured."

The king was overjoyed. The next day, he held a competition, any man
That can bring his daughter an object that would not melt, gets to marry her
And inherit the king's wealth.

Three young princes took up the challenge. The first prince brought a
Huge diamond, thinking that diamond is the hardest and will not melt. But
alas, once the princess touched it, it melted!

The prince went away sadly. The second prince brought a very hard alloy,
But the same thing happened.....so he too went way.

The third prince told the princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel
it" The princess did as told, though turning red. Ta Da! It did not melt!!!


The king was overjoyed!!! And, the third prince lived happily with the
princess ever after........

Question: What was the object? (Scroll down for the answer)
.....
.....
.....
.....
.....
.....
.....
.....
.....
.....
.....
.....

Answer: M&Ms Chocolate, melts in your mouth and not in your hand! (what
Were you thinking - for shame)




------------------

Defender for the Light -
Goodness knows there is a lot of Dark out there!! - Where are my matches?!?
Wandering Joke of the Laughing Hyenas
Aquisition master of the Finest of Humours - and the Killer Joke
Muse and Eternal Love of KDogRex

[Charean]

TRUE STORY!!


Car Thief Puts Himself In The Picture

LONDON (Reuters) - A bungling British thief left fingerprints in a car he stole
but also something more helpful to police a photograph of himself breaking
into the vehicle.

Lee Hosken broke into the car with a screwdriver and found a camera in the
glove compartment. He let his girlfriend photograph him as he searched the
car and posed outside his home brandishing the screwdriver he used for the
break-in.

Later he dumped the car and left the camera inside.

The owner of the car, Matthew Holden, was dumbfounded when he had the
film developed a week later.

``I was looking through the pictures when suddenly I saw my car and some
bloke in it with a screwdriver in his hand. When I showed the police they
recognized him straight away,'' newspapers quoted him as saying.

Hosken was sentenced Wednesday to a two-year driving ban and two years
probation.

``We are very grateful to this man for making his own arrest so easy. He
quite literally put himself in the frame for his own crime,'' a police spokesman
said.

[Charean]

A young college student had stayed up all night
studying for his zoology test the next day. As he
entered the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten
birds on them. Each bird had a sack over its head;
only the legs were showing. He sat straight in the
front row because he wanted to do the best job
possible. The professor announced that the test would
be to look at each of the birds' legs and give the
common name, habitat, genus and species.

The student looked at each of the birds' legs. They
all looked the same to him. He began to get upset. He
had stayed up all night studying and now had to
identify birds by their legs. The more he thought
about it the madder he got.

Finally he could stand it no longer. He went up to
the professor's desk and said, "What a stupid test!
How could anyone tell the difference between birds by
looking at their legs?" With that the student threw
his test on the professor's desk and walked to the
door.

The professor was surprised. The class was so big
that he didn't know every student's name so as the
student reached the door the professor called,
"Mister, what's your name?"

The enraged student pulled up his pant legs and said,
"You tell me buddy! You tell me!"

[Charean]

Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter
Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise:
You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folk’s homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

[Charean]

I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult:

I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8-year old again.

I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four-star restaurant.

I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make ripples with rocks.

I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them.

I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer's day.

I want to return to a time when life was simple. When all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but that didn't bother you, because you didn't know what you didn't know and you didn't
care.

All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset.

I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good.

I want to believe that anything is possible.

I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again.

I want to live simple again.

I don't want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, and loss of
loved ones.

I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow.

So, here's my checkbook and my car-keys, my credit card bills and my 401K statements. I am officially resigning from adulthood.

And if you want to discuss this further, you'll have to catch me first, cause "Tag! You're it!"




------------------

Defender for the Light -
Goodness knows there is a lot of Dark out there!! - Where are my matches?!?
Wandering Joke of the Laughing Hyenas
Aquisition master of the Finest of Humours - and the Killer Joke
Muse and Eternal Love of KDogRex

[Charean]

For those of you who attend a lot of meetings, this should make those
meetings go faster! If you don't attend lots of meetings, consider
yourself lucky.

How to play: Simply tick off 5 words heard in one meeting from the
following list and shout out BINGO! It's that easy!

Synergy
Proactive, not Reactive
Win-Win Situation
Think Outside the Box
Take That Offline
On the Same Page
Client-Focused
Strategic Fit
Gap Analysis
Best Practice
The Bottom Line
Core Business
Lessons Learned
Touch Base
Revisit
Game Plan
Bandwidth
Hardball
In the Loop
Out of the Loop
Go the Extra Mile
Benchmark
The Big Picture
Value-Added
Movers and Shakers
Ball Park
Fast Track
Result-Driven
A Done Deal
Empower Employees
No Blame
Stretch the Envelope
Knowledge Base
Total Quality
Mindset
Put The One to Bed
Quality-Driven
Move the Goal Posts
Peel the Onion Back

Testimonials from other players:

"I had only been in the meeting for five minutes when I yelled BINGO."

"My attention span at meetings has improved dramatically."

"The facilitator was gobsmacked as we all screamed BINGO for the 3rd
time."

"I feel that the game has enhanced the overall quality of meetings per
se on a quid pro quo basis."

"People are even listening to mumblers, thanks to Buzzword Bingo!"

[Charean]

Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a
well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money," he
demanded.

Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this - I'm a United
States Congressman!"

"In that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money!"

[Charean]

30 Minutes To A Cleaner House

You're getting company in 30 minutes. Your house is a mess.
WHAT WILL YOU DO?

SECRET TIP 1: DOOR LOCKS
If a room clearly can't be whipped into shape in 30 days--much
less 30 minutes--employ the Locked Door Method of cleaning.
Tell anyone who tries to go in the room that the door is
intentionally locked.
CAUTION: It is not advisable to use this tip for the bathroom.
Time: 2 seconds

SECRET TIP 2: DUCT TAPE
No home should be without an ample supply. Not only is it
handy for plumbing repairs, but it's a great way to hem
drapes, tablecloths, clothes, just about anything. No muss, no
fuss.
Time: 2-3 minutes

SECRET TIP 3: OVENS
If you think ovens are just for baking, think again. Ovens
represent at least 9 cubic feet of hidden storage space, which
means they're a great place to shove dirty dishes, dirty
clothes, or just about anything you want to get out of sight
when company's coming.
Time: 2 minutes

SECRET TIP 4: CLOTHES DRYERS
Like Secret Tip 3, except bigger.
CAUTION: Avoid hiding flammable objects here.
Time: 2.5 minutes

SECRET TIP 5: WASHING MACHINES & FREEZERS
Like Secret Tip 4, except even bigger.
Time: 3 minutes

SECRET TIP 6: DUST RUFFLES
No bed should be without one. Devotees of Martha Stewart
believe dust ruffles exist to keep dust out from under a bed
or to help coordinate the colorful look of a bedroom. The rest
of us know a dust ruffle's highest and best use is to hide
whatever you've managed to shove under the bed. (Refer to
Secret Tips 3, 4, 5.)
Time: 4 minutes

SECRET TIP 7: DUSTING
The 30-Minutes-To-A-Clean-House method says: Never dust under
what you can dust around.
Time: 3 minutes

SECRET TIP 8: DISHES
Don't use them. Use plastic or paper and you won't have to.
Time: 1 minute

SECRET TIP 9: VACUUMING
Stick to the middle of the room, which is the only place
people look. Don't bother vacuuming under furniture. It takes
way too long and no one looks there anyway.
Time: 5 minutes, entire house; 2 minutes, living room only

SECRET TIP 10: LIGHTING
The key here is low, low, and lower. It's not only romantic,
but bad lighting can hide a multitude of dirt.
Time: 10 seconds

SECRET TIP 11: BED MAKING
Get an old-fashioned waterbed. No one can tell if those things
are made up or not, saving you hundreds of seconds over the
course of a lifetime.
Time: 0

SECRET TIP 12: SHOWERS, TOILETS, AND SINKS
Forget one and two. Concentrate on three.
Time: 1 minute

SECRET TIP 13:
If you already knew at least 10 of these tips, don't even
think about inviting a Martha Stewart type to your home.

[Charean]

There was a beer party out in the woods and, all of a sudden there was a
downpour of rain and thunder. Two young men ran for about 10 minutes in
the pouring rain, and finally reached their car just as the rain let up.
They jumped in the car, started it up and headed down the road, laughing
and, of course, still drinking one beer after the other.

All of a sudden an old man's face appeared outside the passenger window,
and he tapped lightly on the window! The man on the passenger side
screamed out, "Ahhhhhhh! Look at my window!!! There's an old guy's face
there!" (Was this a ghost?)

The old man kept knocking, so the driver said, "Well, open the window a
little and ask him what he wants!" So, the passenger rolled his window
down part way and, scared out of his wits, said, "What do you want?"

The old man softly replied, "Do you have any cigarettes?"

The passenger, terrified, looked at the driver and said, "He wants a
cigarette."

"Well, give him a cigarette! HURRY!!" the driver replies.

So he fumbles around with the pack and hands the old man a cigarette and
yells to the driver, "Step on it!!!", rolling up the window in terror.

Now going about 80 miles an hour, they calm down, and they start
laughing again, and the passenger says, "What do you think of that?"

The driver replies, "I don't know. How could that be? I am going pretty
fast."

Then all of a sudden AGAIN there is a knock, and there is the old man
again.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaah, there he is again!" the passenger yells.

"Well, see what he wants now!" yells back the driver.

He rolls down the window a little ways and shakily says, "Yes?"

"Do you have a light?" the old man quietly asks.

The driver throws a lighter out the window at him and rolls up the
window and yells, "STEP ON IT!"

They are now going about 100 miles an hour and still guzzling beer,
trying to forget what they had just seen and heard, when all of a sudden
again there is more knocking!

"OH MY GOD! HE'S BACK!"

The passenger rolls down the window and screams in stark fear, "WHAT DO
YOU WANT?"

The old man replies, "You want some help getting out of the mud?"