02-27-2003, 12:41 AM | #1 |
Silver Dragon
Join Date: March 25, 2001
Location: The Lion City
Age: 62
Posts: 1,699
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Just thought I'd share this with all the guys in IW...
A Guide for Men For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works. Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy! Do something she likes - and you get points. Do something she dislikes - and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the points system: SIMPLE DUTIES You make the bed .................................................. ..........+1 You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.................. 0 You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.................................-1 You leave the toilet seat up................................................ .-5 You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty.......................... 0 When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex.................-1 When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom.........................-2 You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings...................+5 ...in the snow.............................................. .................+8 ...but return with beer.............................................. ........-5 ...and no liners............................................ ................-25 You check out a suspicious noise at night................................... 0 You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing........................... 0 You check out a suspicious noise and it is something.........................+5 You pummel it with a six iron.............................................. .+10 It's her cat............................................... .................-40 AT THE PARTY You stay by her side the entire party.........................................0 You leave her side to chat with a College drinking buddy.................... -2 A buddy named Tiffany........................................... .............-4 Tiffany is a dancer............................................ .............-10 With breast implants.......................................... ..............-80 HER BIRTHDAY You remember her birthday.......................................... ...........0 You buy a card and flowers........................................... .........0 You take her out to dinner............................................ ....... 0 You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar........................+1 Okay, it is a sports bar............................................... ......-2 And it's all-you! -can-eat night.............................................-3 It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team.............................................. .-10 A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS Go with a pal............................................... ..................0 The pal is happily married........................................... ........+1 The pal is single............................................ ................-7 He drives a Ferrari........................................... ..............-10 With a personalized license plate (GR8 NBD).................................-15 A NIGHT OUT WITH HER You take her to a movie............................................. .........+2 You take her to a movie she likes............................................+ 4 You take her to a movie you hate.............................................+ 6 You take her to a movie you like.............................................-2 It's called Death Cop 3................................................. .....-3 ...which features Cyborgs that eat humans....................................-9 You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.......................-15 YOUR PHYSIQUE You develop a noticeable pot belly..........................................-15 You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it..............+10 You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts............................................ ..........................-30 You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too."...........................-800 THE BIG QUESTION She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?" You hesitate in responding........................................ ..........-10 You reply, "Where?".................................................. .......-35 You reply, "no, I think it's your ass".....................................-100 Any other response.......................................... ................-50 COMMUNICATION When she wants to talk about a problem: You listen, displaying a concerned expression.................................0 You listen, for over 30 minutes........................................... ...+5 You relate to her problem and share a similar experience....................+50 You're mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying "well, what do you think I should do?".................................................. ...-50 You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV..............+100 She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep........................-200
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I visit IW occasionally... |
02-27-2003, 12:53 AM | #2 |
Xanathar Thieves Guild
Join Date: January 18, 2002
Age: 38
Posts: 4,557
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ROFL. It's funny cause it's true! [img]graemlins/laugh2.gif[/img]
[ 02-27-2003, 12:54 AM: Message edited by: Lady Blue03 ]
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Yep I'm still lurking! |
02-27-2003, 02:43 AM | #3 |
Emerald Dragon
Join Date: January 8, 2001
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Age: 40
Posts: 948
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LoL, thats really good
it sure seems a pretty hard job impressing a woman.
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<i>\"Watch your back\"</i><br />Celebrate this chance to be alive and breathing... |
02-27-2003, 03:09 AM | #4 |
Very Mad Bird
Join Date: January 7, 2001
Location: Breukelen (over the river from New Amsterdam)
Age: 52
Posts: 9,246
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Very funny.
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02-27-2003, 03:28 AM | #5 |
40th Level Warrior
Join Date: March 24, 2002
Posts: 10,215
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oh my gosh, that was quite funny.
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02-27-2003, 03:36 AM | #6 | |
Quintesson
Join Date: October 3, 2002
Location: The plane of non-existence... and Michigan
Age: 43
Posts: 1,087
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Quote:
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Bah, I don\'t need a sig. You all don\'t care what I do anyway. <img border=\"0\" title=\"\" alt=\"[Razz]\" src=\"tongue.gif\" /> |
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02-27-2003, 04:09 AM | #7 |
Jack Burton
Join Date: March 21, 2001
Location: Philippines, but now Harbor City Sydney
Age: 41
Posts: 5,556
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absoloutly funny!!!!!!! .. now i know how hard it is pleasing a woman.
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02-27-2003, 04:31 AM | #8 | |
Drow Warrior
Join Date: November 25, 2002
Location: Germany
Age: 57
Posts: 274
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Quote:
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There are two times in a man\'s life when he should not speculate: when he can\'t afford it, and when he can.<br /><br />(Mark Twain) |
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02-27-2003, 05:00 AM | #9 | |
Zhentarim Guard
Join Date: November 16, 2002
Location: Surrey, England
Age: 34
Posts: 359
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Quote:
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[img]\"http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v299/OhGodtheRats/HeadInjuryGun.jpg\" alt=\" - \" /> |
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02-27-2003, 06:24 AM | #10 |
Jack Burton
Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: Airstrip One
Age: 40
Posts: 5,571
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Love it! Especially the 'any other response' to the 'Does this make me look fat' question.
Do you women know the panic that is induced in a man's head when you ask questions like that?
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