Is it normal for some people to pull away from everyone else as they get older?

[Nerull]

Of course, that's the reason I still talk to them (old adage from mom, "don't burn your bridges"). I still say hello to them all when I come in, ask them how life is, etc. I just don't care about taking it beyond that. I'm the same way in class. I'll join up with one, maybe two other people in case of need (i.e. miss a class and need the notes). However, I tend to just do my own thing, like study by myself (I just study better that way), and avoid group projects if possible (see my thread on being accused of academic dishonesty). The latter is almost certainly from being burned before, but the former is just personal preference. I also go to the movies by myself if I want to see the movie (I absolutely despise when people talk during a movie; that's why I always wait two weeks to see a new movie, to let the crowd thin out). I also prefer to eat by myself (just eat and go on with my day, instead of turning it into an "event"). I do avoid overcrowded events if possible; I don't mind some crowds, but when people are right up next to one another (it's always my luck that I get the person with bad body odor right next to me...), then I really don't like that. I have to ride a crowded bus to work and back; I just put on my headphones and study for class, but have no problem if someone asks me a question or two (just as long as they don't try to start a long conversation with me).

I think I realize after some of the posts why I don't feel I connect with the people at work. Most of them spend most of their off time with their family, and most of them (like a lot of other people out there) really don't have much else to talk about (not many other interests beyond what is on television). I have no children, and other than sports the most television I watch are the news channels. Often, I'll mention something that came out on the news (most recently the Mars rover) and the others' eyes just glaze over and they go "oh, really?" Then they start talking about what happened on Friends (I watched it twice at the request of others, and I honestly despise the show, and most other sitcoms) and my eyes glaze over. Then they switch the subject to their children, and proceed to sit there and actually begin a verbal "jousting" match as to whose children are better ("my kid did this", etc.). During those conversations, they make sure to "hint" that I'm not really as "good" as them, because I do not have children. If I throw something in about the subject, they just act like "who are you to talk?". I guess that's why I started this thread; after sitting through a rather long conversation of them "subtly browbeating" me about not having children, I started to wonder if something was wrong with me. I realize that there is nothing wrong with me; however, there is something wrong with them to try to make others walk a certain path just because they believe it to be the "best" path for them. They really do not have much beyond their families and television; while my life is not the picture of excitement, I can at least go read a book (they always look at me weird when they see me with a book, like I am a total geek) or discuss subjects like current events, philosophy, etc. And I think that is why I like the boss and the new hire. The boss is very well-rounded; she can talk to the others about family (she is a grandmother) and yet come back and talk about the Democratic primaries in Iowa. The new hire is not well-liked by the others, for the same reason I am not; she is always reading on her breaks, and reads stuff across the board. She is marginally more accepted because she has a young daughter, so can contribute to their conversations on family.

When I started this thread, I thought I might get a few responses and it would die out. I'm surprised by the number of responses, but glad at the same time. Rather good conversation so far! [img]smile.gif[/img]

[Skippy1]

Sounds like your a man amongst many women at work Nerull. This could explain quite a bit when you mention the discussions/conversations going on at work. In my own experience, women tend to talk more about the home and children, make-up, period pain and the like. It's hardly surprising that you find it difficult to get involved/interested in their conversations. Women seem to have a different perception on what is important than men do. I've found in my marriage (15 years now) that our objectives differ quite a lot and require constant updating with each other or we loose touch with what we are working towards together. When we were first married, it took me several years to work this out. Consequently there were a lot of misunderstandings and arguments.

What I'm trying to say here is that you didn't make it clear that you work in an almost entirely female environment. This can make a big difference.

As for you prefering to live alone and lead a lone lifestyle; whatever turns you on mate! Could use a bit of it myself sometimes, though it rarely happens. I've got two boys as well as the wife at home, and while I love them, it would be nice to have a little solitude occasionally. But hey! Anyone who's married knows what I'm talking about.

[Nerull]

Originally posted by Skippy1: Sounds like your a man amongst many women at work Nerull. This could explain quite a bit when you mention the discussions/conversations going on at work. In my own experience, women tend to talk more about the home and children, make-up, period pain and the like. It's hardly surprising that you find it difficult to get involved/interested in their conversations. Women seem to have a different perception on what is important than men do. I've found in my marriage (15 years now) that our objectives differ quite a lot and require constant updating with each other or we loose touch with what we are working towards together. When we were first married, it took me several years to work this out. Consequently there were a lot of misunderstandings and arguments. What I'm trying to say here is that you didn't make it clear that you work in an almost entirely female environment. This can make a big difference. As for you prefering to live alone and lead a lone lifestyle; whatever turns you on mate! Could use a bit of it myself sometimes, though it rarely happens. I've got two boys as well as the wife at home, and while I love them, it would be nice to have a little solitude occasionally. But hey! Anyone who's married knows what I'm talking about.

Yep, mostly female environment. But even with the (few) guys at work, I really don't connect. The two I do connect with are both female. The guys who are there go out of their way to "cater" to the women there (changing their personality when among them to fit in, when they really aren't like that). With me, you pretty much get what you get. I don't bother with trying to be a chameleon, putting on a different face in different crowds. Never have. I just do my own thing and be my own person. I just don't think that they respect that too much.

But this extends to outside of work, though. I have one male and one female friend that I keep pretty close tabs on, both of whom are loner types like me (we get together when we are in the mood to do so, and otherwise just drop a line every few days or so). The rest I would consider "associates" and just see them whenever I come across them. If I don't see them that day, I don't see them that day. Mostly, I just go off on my own and do my daily activities, and if it happens to cross paths with someone I know I'll have a (brief) conversation with them before excusing myself and going along my merry way. Most times I'm really just not in the mood to be dealing with others a lot.

[Memnoch]

Well, you seem pretty relaxed about it all, mate - that's the important thing. [img]smile.gif[/img]