The Continuing Adventures of Jerr Quickfoot, Halfling Thief and Swordsman

[Jerr Conner]

Chapter Thirty-One: Jerr Quickfoot, Vampire Slayer!

After reporting to Linvail, he told us to go kill Bodhi. I had the distinct feeling he was stalling.

Especially when he forgot I was there and told one of his henchmen to stall us on the way to Bodhi's lair. I'm going to have a little talk with the guy later.

We got to the Graveyard, without any interruptions, and we met a wizard named Haz at the entrance to Bodhi's home. Unfortunately, Haz died. Haz forgot that he was standing in front of the door when he told "Fleshy", his flesh golem, to break it down! I thought wizards were supposed to be smart?

Aerie complained about all of the blood that had splattered in her hair, to which Jaheira told her to shut up. Then the two get to bickering and some vampires hear! It's nice to know that despite their ages two elves can still act so immature!

After dispatching the vampires, Aerie and Jaheira decided it'd be best to save any fights for after our "stealthy" mission was over.

Minsc and I dispatched a few more vampires. In a pool of blood we found a mace that kills them on contact! Makes me wish I had followed in my hero's footsteps and trained in maces. But then, likely Regis would never date me

The Lassal vamp who killed Mook taunted us. As we were about to follow him, we heard voices down a hallway. I used the Ring of Gaxx to hasten myself and ran as fast as I could to spy on the vamps. One of them seemed to sense me so I went behind her and backstabbed her as she cast true sight! One more hit and she fell! Then, I lured the other vampire to the other's and we made short work of her.

Downstairs, Minsc killed a few vampires and Grimwards, and Lassal ran away again. After going upstairs, we heard him down the hall where we had killed those two vampires.

As Minsc charged into the room down the hall, setting off a lot of traps in the process, I snuck my way behind Lassal and backstabbed him.

We found some coffins, and staked Lassal and two other vampires. Bodhi appeared and told us that Aran was just using us to get back at her for cheating on him!

Then she attacked.

And ran away, but not before bragging about how we'd never find Spellhold Asylum, which was on Brynlaww Island, just east of Athkatla. I sense trap...

Aran admitted to once dating Bodhi incidentally

[ 02-05-2005, 06:59 PM: Message edited by: Jerr Conner ]

[Jerr Conner]

Chapter Thirty-Two: Brynnlaw Island and Spellhold

After we stored a few items at my Keep, Aran chartered us a ship from a captain named Saemon Havarian. Interesting guy. Kept say "crikey" and trying to wrestle aligators.

The ship voyage was almost uneventful. Except for Aerie getting seasick every two minutes. That changed when Jaheira got annoyed and showed Aerie how to supress sea sickness with a salve made out of Seaweed and Squid. By Brandobaris, they actually got along for more than ten minutes!

At the Island, Sime, someone Aran sent with us, let us know her suspicions of Saemon. However, we soon learned her objections were mainly to the way that Saemon once jumped in a bath with her and said, "This is so where I left my sword!" (Liberally stolen from a movie (somewhat), name it for five points)

After getting off the ship, Saemon apologized for betraying us, disappeared, and some vampires attacked! I guess Sime was right after all.

After she told us where to meet a contact, she teleported away to scout out the area. At the Inn, we met Sanik, who wanted off the island.

Apparently he needs to take his girlfriend away from it all.

Before I could get more info, some assassin appears out of no where and kills the mage! Why do I always attract people who can teleport!?

With a quick thrust of my sword, the assassin fell. The Innkeeper informed me of who had ordered the deed, and told me to perform the Super-Enema-Like-Colonic technique on her! I really should find a way to stop Minsc from telling that story, as amusing as it is

Outside, we met a girl named Ginia who asked us for some money. After hearing her story, I decided to help her and her brother get off of the island. We were to kill a man named Chermy.

Jaheira thought of a nice way to kill the man, and much hilarity ensued as she cast insect plague on him and the man jumped off of a dock into shark-infested waters just to get away from the bugs! Retrieving his body wasn't easy, though. The only thing intact was some medallion we found around his severed head.

So we paid for Ginia's way off of the island and then we decided to visit this Lady Galvene who had ordered Sanik's death. Much to our joy, the courtesan's had informed us that Chermy worked for her and his medallion would get us in.

After going in, we found Claire (Sanik's girl) and Jaheira introduced Galvena to the blunt end of her staff.

Claire got off the island, and we found our way into Spellhold from Captain Golin.

At the Pirate Lord's house, I had Minsc talk to the Pirate Lord

In a day we were in Spellhold.

There we found Tiax! Tiax started ranting about how powerful he was, so I asked him if he was so powerful why didn't he just escape from the prison? The gnome got mad and tried to mark me with a spell! Too bad he ended up shrinking his underwear three sizes

Then we found Imoen. The only answer she'd give to us whenever we tried talking to her was: All your base are belong to us!

Damn that Irenicus! I hope he's not too hard to hold down as Jaheira does that stuff she mentioned she'd do with a spear when we found Khalid!

After talking to some more inmates, we went back to Tiax to teach Aerie to learn the underwear-shrinking spell. It would have come in handy too if Irenicus hadn't appeared out of nowhere and cast a sleep spell on us! I awoke to find out that Yoshimo had betrayed us. He did give good reasons, but that didn't satisfy Jaheira as she went into a rant about how she would now use Yoshimo instead of a spear...

Then I fell asleep again.

I awoke to a semi-lucid dream hearing Imoen's voice. I seemed to be at Candlekeep. When I went up to the library, a demon was blocking the way. I had to give up something to get in.

As much as I hated to do it, I gave up my favorite card game just to get in

Imoen told me that I had to get our dad in the library to defeat him. So I went back out and found the man.

Bhaal wanted to put me over his knee and spank me for not being evil! I stuck out my tongue and told him to catch me if he can! We ran into the library and battled.

After a few taunts, Bhaal ranted about his true most powerful form and showed it to me: a 2 foot tall pink elephant with pixie wings!

He started stomping around, ranting in a squeaky voice about how we would cower before his "might". After much snickering, I stabbed the pink elephant and awoke.

[Jerr Conner]

Chapter Thirty-Three: Escape

After awakening, Irenicus informed me he had sucked my divine soul from my body and Imoen and I would now wither and die horribly. Well isn't that peachy!

He ordered Bodhi to take us away. Bodhi dumped the group (Me, Imoen, Jaheira, Minsc, and Aerie) into the lower dungeons of Spellhold, telling us that we were to perform for her. I told her to be a good girl and do as Irenicus said! She said we would perform for her, again, adding that first she was going to go look for a playwright to give us something to perform.

After she left, I told Imoen about my strange dream. She said she had no such dream. She did mention one of her symptoms happened to be explosive diahrea though! Everyone decided Imoen should walk in the back after that.

After equipping her, we searched around the dungeon. Going up the northern staircase, we found a Bag of Holding. Then, up the west staircase I felt a little sick.

"Explosive diahrea huh?" asked Imoen.

Everyone took a step back from me. I assured them that nothing that serious was wrong with me! However, it took bribery to get them back to a suitable formation in case we get attacked.

After Imoen fired off a fireball into a group of Goblins; handy thing that Robe of Vecna, we found more items. In a room left of that room, we encountered our first puzzle, which Imoen solved. Then northeast of that room, another puzzle which Imoen yet again solved. My sister sure does come in handy sometimes!

At a portal, we fought some monsters and freed a Djinni. He gave us some nice plate mail. No one wants to wear it though.

I don't blame them, it is called the Doom Plate!

Then we headed to the southeastern parts of the dungeon where we were attacked by Umber Hulks! Jaheira and Aerie got into a fight, but this time it was only because the monsters had cast Confusion this time. They would've killed each other too, as we were trapped in seperate rooms, if I hadn't picked the locks on the doors separating us and Minsc hadn't cast Dispel Magic! The Umber Hulks were easy to slay after that incident.

Scouting ahead, I spotted a group of Mummies and a Lich. After closing the door to their room and setting some traps, I used the Ring of Gax to hasten myself. I opened the doors and sprang the traps on the undead! Most of them went down right away. I closed the door and ran down the hall. Unfortunately, a moment later the lich appeared out of nowhere! No one seemed hurt, though. Aerie told us he must have cast a Time Stop spell.

Before he could cast another one, we attacked the lich! Luckily Imoen breached his magical defenses, so he wasn't so hard to take down.

Searching the room, we found a few more spells Immy could add to her repertoire and some more loot to sell

Then we encountered a vampire named Dace who hated Bodhi more than us. Though, he refused to join us and attacked instead! I used the Whirlwind Attack on him and defeated the vamp! After staking him, his spirit thanked me, informing us he was one of Bodhi's exes, and gave me a hand as a gift. What am I going to do with a hand!?

And by Brandobaris, Bodhi is one psycho exgirlfriend!

Next, we found a book that kept summoning monsters for us to fight. After defeating the last monster, a Beholder, we got some nifty magic items! Next we killed a tribe of Kobolds and got a crystal shard after defeating their God's Avatar.

Back at the main dungeon, we headed straight southwest, where we had to battle three Yaun-ti mages and other Yaun-ti. Then this giant statue's mouth opened, with very bad breath may I add, and we had to go through it to the next level.

At the next level, there were two doors to choose from. I scouted ahead at the right door and found another group of Yaun-ti! Quickly I closed the door and had Minsc, Jaheira, and Aerie bar it while Imoen and I set traps. With the final trap, I signalled for them to open the doors. A hale of darts and arrows whizzed into the Yaun-Ti as Imoen and I ran into the room to kill their wizard! After Imoen breached its magic defenses, I backstabbed the wizard.

I examined the walls with four paintings on them. They seemed to be doors, but I had no idea how to open them. So we backtracked to the left door at the staircase and went through there instead. I could see another secret door in the wall and upon closer examination found a way to open it. There was a wheel in the room, so with not much else to go on we turned it.

Another door behind us in the hall opened, with trolls. By Brandobaris, how do the bloody Cowled Wizards get all of these monsters!? After a brief battle, Aerie found some weird coins in the room. She pocketed them and we went down the hall further.

A small battle with minotaurs and we decided to rest. After awaking, we found some paintings in a room north of us. Then we headed east again, just in case there were more. There, Bodhi ambushed us!

Aerie quickly fired off some spell sequencers and we all jumped into battle! Something odd happened to me, though. I turned into a gigantic demon, and as Minsc put it, I was kicking butt! Bodhi ran away with her tail between her legs and I transformed back. We all had a big awkward moment, then decided it was time to search the dungeon more.

After a few more battles we rested, only to awaken to me involuntarily attacking my friends! They ran all the way to the painting room before I transformed back! Aerie informed me that I had transformed into one of Bhaal's avatars. Thank Brandobaris it wasn't that little pink elephant!

Testing one of the paintings out on the walls, we found out they were keys. Each wall held a monster though

Then after finding more odd coins, we found a machine where they fit. I inserted the coins and got some nice chain mail and boots.

Since we had found everything there was to find, the party headed to the room where Bodhi attacked and used two keys we had found to open a door. Up the stairs we went!

Unfortunately, there were a lot of mini-tests we had to perform. The most humiliating one was where lost a game of strip poker...

After passing the tests, we were declared sane, despite my clear insanity! There was only one way to celebrate, to dance and sing:

[Jerr Conner]

Chapter Thirty-Four: Confronting Irenicus

After we rested, we decided to go confront Irenicus. However, as soo as we went down the stairs, Saemon Havarian was waiting for us. I briefly contemplated which way to skewer him first until he proposed somewhat of a deal to us. Being in a position where he could ruin our sneak attack by screaming, I decided to listen.

He proposed we ally with the other inmates. I agreed this was a better idea than just blindly attacking Irenicus, so he let us pass by. Downstairs, we encounter Lonk the Sane. He wouldn't open the cages until I bribed him with 2000 gold pieces.

We had a brief conversation with the prisoners, and they teleported themselves and our group straight to Irenicus! The wizard complimented my madness, I thanked him, and we got to fighting. Thank Brandobaris that Aerie has Spell Sequencers! Of course, Tiax being the glory-hogger he is decided to cast that underwear-shrinking spell on Irenicus! I almost had a killing blow, TIAX! Knowing he was no match for us and a group of mages and Tiax's underwear-shrinking spell, Irenicus teleported away after that.

The mages were all backstabbed by assassins and I confronted Yoshimo. Unfortunately, Irenicus had cast a Geas onYoshimo and he couldn't ignore it. He asked for a quick death in battle.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to parry a six foot long katana with a three foot long short sword!? I did win, though much to my sadness. Despite his betrayal, he was a good friend.

Going downstairs yet again, Saemon offered another deal. A ship, or the Underdark. I really don't feel like going to the Underdark so I took his deal. In town I robbed Desharik's house, then Perth the Adept's, and sold all of the loot we have found so far!

[Jerr Conner]

Chapter Thirty-Five: The City of the Shark People

Saemon told us that his ship had been scuttled. This did not make us happy. As Jaheira and Minsc held him down on a table I prepared to insert the Staff of Rynn into a most uncomfortable place for the lying captain! Why wait to do this with Irenicus?

However, Saemon quickly formulated a plan that spoke volumes to me! This was the chance to set forth a legend everyone would talk of for years! Something two thieves like Imoen and I could not pass up

We were to steal a horn from a woman so Saemon could use the horn's signal. Now this may sound like nothing, but this is no ordinary horn, ship and woman! The woman is the mistress of the Pirate Lord and the horn allows safe passage past the pirate ships as we steal AND use the Pirate Lord's very own ship! This was something no thief could pass up!

At the dead of night, Imoen and I prowled our way into this mistress's house. The captain had informed us that she was with a man she shouldn't be with tonight so we were very careful not to wake up the two lovers. As we hid in the shadows of a nearby cabinet, we heard a small conversation then Imoen confirmed that they fell asleep. I slowly crept out and slowly opened the cabinet. It squeaked! Imoen quickly cast an oil spell on the hinges and I took out any valuables within, making sure to reset a new trap compromised of Skunk Musk Scent to spray when the lady of the house checked her drawer in the morning

After closing the cabinet, I saw the horn on the desk! I slowly crept over to the table and picked up the horn. Unfortunately, as I turned around I stepped on a cat's tail! The cat awoke with a hiss, waking up the two lovers! The lady called the guards and a fight commenced.

After dispatching three pirates, I went outside and scouted ahead. There, I encountered a group of pirates talking about robbing my friends as they came by! So I set a time trap real quick and as the men attacked the time trap went off. I killed their wizard first, then attacked the leader as the time trap wore off.

Then, we gave the horn to Saemon. Saemon had already convinced the crew to work with him. Gotta hand it to the man, he knows how to strike up good deals!

Of course he totally wussed out as Desharik came aboard to claim his ship. Desharik killed his mistress It looks like she won't smell like skunk in the morning after all.

A fight ensued, we won, and set sail.

A few days later we were attacked by Githyanki and Saemon framed us! Just as I thought we were to drown, we were rescued by Shark People who mentioned some prophecy about us. It was obvious as it mentioned a "Butt-Kicking man with a hamster". Since none of us wanted to die just yet, we agreed to their King's Quest for us. Then we agreed to the Priestess's.

She told us to head to the abandoned drow city first so we did. There, we met some Imps who wanted to play a game. The wager was simple, we get the puzzle right and we get what's in the chest guarded by a vicious spirit. We lose, and my Familiar (Did I mention I have one?) gets to be the Imps' b*&%$# for a millenia. My pseudo-dragon really hoped we'd win!

After winning, we got a nice cloak and boots from the chest.

Then we met a beholder with no interest in killing us. After a conversation about the chest he was guarding, I convinced him to turn a blind eye as I looked. I quickly swapped the Monkey Balls recipe I got from Dradeel at the asylum with the shark tooth. The beholder couldn't believe he was stuck another 60 years guarding a recipe! Imoen told him that they couldn't possibly hold him to such a ridiculous job, and after much thanking he left.

After getting the tooth, we encountered some undead, then we met the prince. We agreed to his terms and bought a fake heart to the king. The king didn't like the way I threw the heart at him, though, so he attacked! After killing him, the prince took over and rewarded us.

[Jerr Conner]

Chapter Thirty-Six: The Underdark Pt. 1

The Prince gave us a magical rope that would take us to the Underdark. As much as I didn't want to go there, it was the only real way back to the surface, so the party took it.

We met three cute chubby underground gnome brothers down there. I wonder if it's true what they say about a gnome's nose? They were nice enough to give us some info of the area, including some news about a mage who had gotten himself killed near some elemental portals. Knowing quite a few mages, I doubted it. So I purchased some freedom scrolls from the cute gnomes.

Imoen read one aloud in the area right between all of the portals. My hunch was right, a mage was freed. He had a proposition for us, which we readily agreed to as we need some new items.

Farther north, we battled some Drow. Then, we released a lot of lost souls from some machine, most of which attacked us. However, the last two were nice enough.

Then after battling some myconoids, we headed to the underground gnomes' city to get some book for the mage. There, the gnomes would only let us in if we played a game of strip poker with them. With my cheating I won

Oh and it is true about their noses

[Jerr Conner]

Chapter Thirty-Seven: The Underdark Pt. 2

The mage was happy when we gave him his book back. Now all we had to do was battle monsters while he went into their planes to steal stuff.

On the way to the third and final portal, I picked the man's pockets out of boredom and got some nice items

Then after he came back, I quickly picked his pockets and got a nice helm

All in all, a nice haul. I hope he doesn't come searching for revenge. Bah! Twas an evil man anyway. Minsc had cast Know Alignment on him! The man was clearly evil. But I had no real cause to kill him so robbing him sufficed.

After that we headed to the two caverns the three gnomes had mentioned. Mental note: be sure to go back to them and "pick their pockets" Hopefully that prude, Aerie, won't reprimand me. Who does she think she is, the leader!?

Some Kua-Toa's ambushed us. They weren't the easiest to kill.

Down in the Beholder Caves, after killing two beholders, Aerie "volunteered" to go forth and kill the beholders. Seeing as she's the only one who can hold the Shield of Balduran without actually losing much strength, due to her Hill Giant Belt, she was more than qualified. But before she could go any farther, she was attacked by Drow who had just killed a Beholder! We came to her rescue. Imoen and Aerie actually managed to turn two of the Drow into statues! They'll make nice additions to the fountain I'm having built at my Keep

After that, Aerie practically owned the beholder lair! We could hear her rants from our hiding place:





Though, she needed me to backstab some Mind Flayers. Then she took on the Gauths as I supported with my new Sling of Arvoreen! (Whoo hoo! 5 1/2 attacks with only having 1 proficiency in sling!)

After that, I decided to quietly watch her battle against the last two beholders. The elder beholder wouldn't die by her hammer, though, so I set some traps and screamed for her to run! Predictably, the elder followed and became a pincushion as my traps went off! The best part was when my time trap went off after it followed Aerie a few more feet. One backstab decimated the creature.

[Jerr Conner]

Chapter Thirty-Eight: The Underdark Pt. 3

The next cave we entered was the Mind Flayer caves. Everyone agreed this would be as easy as the last Mind Flayer dungeon we had been to. Unfortunately, these flayers must've heard of that because they set up a sleep trap for us.

Bugger!

The party awoke in a cell. The locks were magical, so I couldn't pick them. Surprisingly everyone agreed with me that our impending deaths by brain eating would make the most interesting and funny end to this saga. As we discussed best ways to make our brains taste awful, the cell door opened! An ogre entered, telling us he was the jailor and it's time to fight for the amusement of the masters.

We all sighed in relief. We weren't going to die so soon after all!

The battle in the arena was short. At the cell, one of the doors opened and lead to another cell full of the Githyanki who had caused the trouble of going through the Underdark in the first place! It took the whole party to hold me back from pummeling their leader! He did apologize at least, and they were called for battle.

After their battle, they had a proposal. They'd distract the "Ilithid" while my crew and I found an escape route. We all readily agreed to this, and both groups were soon both called to battle.

As the Githyanki group distracted the Ilithid with tons and tons of monkey brains they happened to have, we killed some Kua-Toa and left the arena. Imoen nearly got killed by the Ogre Guard, and some Shark People. We headed north, but found it'd either take Godly Strength to open the doors or a strong mind

As I really didn't want to go all Slayer for a door, we opted to find another way. Hiding along the shadowy walls, I killed an Ilithid in the next room, and gathered a few vials of the wierd liquid. They didn't work on the doors, but when I went sneaking south, they worked on some machine holding a whole group of people hostage! Their leader thanked me for freedom, and I got four control circlets from the machine.

Imoen and I charmed the two Ilithids, and one opened the doors. However, the stupid Githyanki abandoned us! They ran away like a gnome stealing turnips!

The next few fights weren't easy. One we charmed two more ilithids but they died. We used some Ilithid Babies to make psinic-protecting potions. Then the last Ilithid turned on us as he opened the door to the elder brain's room! Too bad to, we named him Squidgy

I quickly set a time trap, then had some haste spells cast on me. I drank a potion as I opened the door! After attacking the brain, the trap went off. A well-placed Whirlwind Attack killed the elder brain off! The rest weren't so easy.

After leaving the complex, we confronted the Githyanki. All they wanted was a sword!? We have tons of swords! We gave them the silver blade since no one can use it. The stupid gits wanted all of the swords and attacked! They fought well, until Imoen polymorphed them into slugs.

I have to admit, it's so fun to pour salt all over polymorped-into-slugs Githyanki [img]smile.gif[/img]

[Jerr Conner]

Chapter Thirty-Nine: The Underdark Pt. 4

Our next destination in the Underdark were the western caves. After clearing the place of most of the denizens, we confronted a Kua-Toa prince! Unfortunately, I couldn't seem to best the beast. In fact, every wound I gave seemed to heal up right away! Finally, deciding perhaps honor wasn't the best thing right there, the group and I over-whelmed him!

Then we tainted their water supply with mentally challenged tadpoles

After that, we found a giant statue of Demogorgon so I set 7 traps and we sacrificed an animal...

Yes, I know! Alignment violation, but I wanted to confront Demodorkan again Well it was just demon knights, one of which died after my time trap went off.

After that we went to see Adalon. Her children have been kidnapped, and this silver dragon needed us to retrieve her eggs! I agreed, I always wanted to see a Drow City.

[Marty4]

Hah, Demodorkan... Good stuff all around!