Funeral Code

[Harkoliar]

While this has some twisted humour.. it may be true after all [img]smile.gif[/img]

from my fav sam and the city
link:
http://blogs.smh.com.au/lifestyle/al...ls_are_em.html

Anyway, here's a few of my favourite obituary clichés and what I reckon they actually mean* ... - Not always an easy man to live with: he beat his missus. - - Had a volatile relationship with his beloved wife: averaged an AVO every six weeks. - Led a full life: ex-heroin addict. - Free spirit: couldn't hold down a job to save himself. - Always had a twinkle in his eye: pervert. - Laid back: pot-head. - Give you the shirt off his back: gullible. - Loved a punt: degenerate gambler who'd put the house through the pokies. - Doted on his nieces and nephews: borderline kiddie-fiddler. - Pillar of the community: suspected kiddie-fiddler. - Colourful: criminal. - Misunderstood: a prick. - Confirmed bachelor: gay. - Flamboyant, confirmed bachelor: gay and promiscuous. - The marriage was short-lived but they remained close throughout his life: she came home and caught him chock-a-block up another man. - Knew the value of a dollar: tight-arse. - Never short of a quid: cheap - Generous to a fault: never had a buck/lived at the TAB. - Born storyteller: painful bore. - Mercurial: moody arsehole. - Always quick with a joke: brutally unfunny. - Man of large appetites: obese and/or alcoholic. - Original thinker: insane. - Marched to the beat of a different drum: heard voices. - A woman who was one of the guys: liked group sex. - Saw a lot of life: in jail. - Estranged from his family: bail refused. - Life of the party: an absolute dickhead on the drink. - Equally comfortable in the company of men as she was women: a bush pig. - Lived a quiet life: a bore. - Never had a bad word to say about anybody: a gossip. - Active in the community: a busybody. - Shied away from the limelight: never did anything of note with their life. - Wouldn't hurt a fly: weak as piss. - Kept to himself: had no friends. - Great communicator: never shut up. - Keen intellect: a nerd. - Career minded: back-stabbing workaholic. - Never missed a day's work: couldn't afford to get paid $7 an hour. - Called a spade a spade: sexist and racist. - Had an eye for the ladies: sleaze and/or philanderer. - Found military life not to his taste: deserter. - Not one for formalities: always wore thongs. Didn't wash. - Stern disciplinarian: beat his kids. - Avid bushman: pyromaniac and/or dope grower. - Handy around the house: hen-pecked. - Straight-talker: big mouth. - Salt-of-the-earth: white trash. - Uncomplicated: stupid as a bag of hammers. - Uninhibited: slut. - Not held back by society's constraints: had six kids with five different men. - Vivacious: drunken slut. - Lived to serve: didn't get holiday pay as a waiter. - Loved by all the boys down at the club: alcoholic. - Never one to back down from an argument: a bully. - Didn't have a bad bone in his body: no go in him. - Great raconteur: liar. - A man's man: misogynist. - Loved his country passionately: racist. - Black sheep of the family: grievously assaulted all of his siblings at one time or another. -

[Zebodog]

Don't forget the first 3 letters of funeral spell F * U * N

[Iron Greasel]

I especially liked

Original thinker: insane.

and

Marched to the beat of a different drum: heard voices.

[Harkoliar]

you know, i can actually form a whole speech having a majority of those words in them [img]tongue.gif[/img]

[Bithron]

Originally posted by Harkoliar: you know, i can actually form a whole speech having a majority of those words in them [img]tongue.gif[/img]

And it would describe my neighbour...