Cyber Friendships - Are They Real?

[bilqis]

Meeting someone on the internet is like reading a book before you see the cover.

[/b]


That phrase I just heard today from a long time internet friend that I was meeting face-to-face for the first time. I think it's very apt.

These last 2 weeks I have spent traveling on vacation. Last week I was in Halifax Nova Scotia visiting 2 people who were the very first friends I made when I first started chatting in mIRC. We met October 1996, and they were just beginning their online romance. They've now been married for 3 years, and I finally met them face-to-face. It was wonderful! I expect that we will continue to be friends for life. While there I also met another mutual chat friend of theirs & mine. A good experience all around.

This past week I have spent visiting a close friend in Ohio that I met on mIRC also. Glassmaiden is a new member here, but she & I have been good friends for 3 years. This is our third meeting. Today we got together with Mike and his family. Glassmaiden has met him before, but this was my first face-to-face meeting with him. Another chat friend who is as fun in person as on chat.

I have chatted with many people on the net over the 5+ years I have been using it. I have met several of them in person. For the most part, the meetings have gone well. They have all been very nice people. I have kept only a few as 'real' friends, and have only been really hurt once (emotionally)- and that time was due to lack of/poor communication more than cruelty. I don't regret any of it. Not bad in 5+ years in my opinion.

The meeting face-to-face is important though. It is what seems to 'cement' the relationship into one that will carry on, or end. The meetings are often fun, but that's when one discovers if the chemistry is the same in person as it is online. Though the face-to-face meeting isn't 'essential'.... after all, look at my friends in Halifax. We've chatted for 5+ years and have not lost each other yet -- tho the meeting really was wonderful.

I am one who has many 'real life' friends. I don't need the internet for friendships ... but this is the only place I have found people who understand my fascination & love of computers, CRPGs, and sci-fi/fantasy novels ~ all major interests in my life. This is also a wonderful way to meet people from all over the world. I plan to continue to meet and befriend people on the net. It's been a truly enriching experience for me.

The cautions mentioned by others in this thread are real, and should be heeded. But as Sazerac said, if you give it some time, you will soon discover if someone is honestly being themselves, or playing a role. The truth always outs.
Thank you for your well thought out responses everyone!

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Having abandoned my
search for truth, I am
now looking for a good
fantasy.

Thank you to the kind R³
for being such eloquent
& witty spokesmen.



[This message has been edited by bilqis (edited 07-14-2001).]

[Memnoch]

Originally posted by Jerome: Hmmm, dont know anyone like that Memnoch.....do you?

Absolutely not.



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[Ramon de Ramon y Ramon]

This thread is one of the best in a long, long time: so it is way too early to have it freefall. At the moment I unfortunately don't feel like I am able to contribute anything particularly meaningful myself, but I was seriously impressed by all of your inputs and I am hoping for more of that !

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So long !

R³ - proud to be the official spokesman for the most noble Lady Bilqis, Desert Rose of Ironworks

Btw, the cow is queuing in the slaughterhouse right now !

[sageridder]

I think that if both partys are honest it could be the best kind of friendships.You have the opportunity to get to know someone without any influence of any of the prejudices we all have.Be they positive or negative it's a survival instinct,when you first meet someone you always assume some things.In this forum you get the opportunity to know the person before forming these first impressions,that otherwise might unfortunatly stop you from getting to know that person.

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Trust is indeed a shiny jewel,set in the stone of friendship.And much like any other stone can be use to crush the skulls of those unsuspecting.To clear the path for me to claim my rightfull place as master of all I survey.

..........O,_
......_.L.=\_:
~~(_)==(_)


[This message has been edited by sageridder (edited 07-16-2001).]

Power is being exchanged via on line. I do believe that true friendships can occur. But lets think this out for one moment. Everyone converse's with RP everyday. How many of you have made long lasting freinds with real time aspect. Narrowing down one's choices of who you would like to converse with in life can take many avenues. To myself, here and now, you all are real...and no one else.??

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Conan ~*~

[Earthdog]

Oke i dont have a unique experience here but it may be unique to this website.

I met my wife online while I lived in Dallas Texas. She lived in Melbourne Australia. We met in Yahoo chat. Talked for about 6 months online and on the phone. I fell for her in a huge way. I popped the question. April 27 of 2000 i got off the plane and met the love of my life. Ten days later we married (May 7)
We now have a beautiful daughter together and are still very happy.

The other neat thing about this is, in the room we chatted in in Yahoo we got to know alot of people. Several of them came to our wedding. Some of those that came are very close personal friends of mine now. I wouldnt trade them for anything. We have chatters parties at various bars around Melbourne. This weekend there will be another one and people form various parts of Australia are coming to meet all of us locals. ITS REALLY COOL. Ive already met about 70 people that I chat with and they are good people. Theyd give you the shirt off their back if you needed it.

YES cyber friendships are real. But they dont have to be restricted to the internet. They are as real as you want to make them. i made my choice and uprooted my life and transplanted it on a another continent. Its been worth every minute of it.

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THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!!!!!!!!!!

[Qrt]

Well I will say this... here you meet people you would never ever have a chance of meeting in person - likeminded people from half a globe away... or perhaps from 'round the corner. Who knows.

I got a few (not many) that I like a lot. One is a very nice girl who lives in Seattle (that is almost half a globe away from Denmark) .. a dude what lives in NY state. One lives in England, two or three other danes... I consider them friends as we have talked a lot together.. had a few bad situations. That is part of being friends. You can argue as hell and still know that there is a solid core of love somewhere down there.

Of course cyber bad situations ain't as bad as RL bad situations, but they can hurt the feelings just as much.

[Redblueflare]

Of course cyber pals are real! Some of them more so than my rl friends. I make friends extremely slow in rl, and there are only a few people I can open up to. Naturally I don't have this problem over the internet. (If you haven' noticed) Over the net I can be the same person I am with my close rl friends. Not some quiet idiot, who doesn't say anything because he's to afraid of what you might think. It's much easier for me to make friends here, and if I met you over the net first, (In a place like this forum here) I could definitely be myself around ya.

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Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, I just don't have to listen.

[Moridin]

Interesting thread indeed...

I am actually meeting two people, that I met on the internet, for the first time tonight. We have chatted for a long while and I feel like I know them, but there is still that uncertainty and nervousness involved with meeting in RL. Online you can be yourself with the real threat of embarrassment, shame, anger, etc...if that happens you shut down your computer and do something else...in RL you can't do that. I have met other people before that I have met online and they have all been good experiences, but I think to make a true friendship there has to be more than words on a computer screen...

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Never try to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and it annoys the pig

[Yorick]

I have a number of friends both online and off, and the lines blurr. The offline friends I now have to keep in touch with mostly via the internet, and with some of the online friends I have been meeting up. From the board here, Moiraine, Melusine, Stealthy, Donut, Memnoch, Slackerboy, Nick1979, and also Reeka (voice only as yet) are more "real" now and the connection is stronger than before meeting.

There are pros and cons to internet communication. On the against, 90%? of communication is supposed to be body language so plenty is lost. I for one use my eyes a lot when talking, but obviously cannot translate this to typed words. Verbal communication covers much more ground in a shorter space of time than written, so much depth or history can be shared quickly. Then of course there is the hug. Such comfort a hug gives which needs no words.

Yes the physical appearance on the net is negated, and so judgement is slower perhaps to be made, but then doesn't a persons appearance reflect part of the personality? A boldly dressed Feral resplendant with dreads, body piercing and tattered clothing is "making a statement" are they not? No words need to be used. This is not showing the whole picture of course, but still communicates much about the way they wish to be percieved.

A person can use similar statements on the net. Some insecure kid trumping up and talking tough for example. Not the whole picture, but the way they want to be percieved is shown (even if the intent fails )

Some people I have found communicate much better in writing, and some much worse. I met some great folks in Europe and Asia with whom subsequent emails have been awkward and stilted due to the language barrier. (None of the guys on this board have that prob obviously!! ) There was no problem communicating face to face with them, because language was not as important it seems.

On the other hand I have friends in Sydney who communicate a little better in writing. Writing enables greater preconceived communique. How many of us wish we could take back a sentance verbally? In a letter, email or post we can. We can sit in the seat of the receiver and read our own words. Short of videotaping yourself, putting yourself in the receivers seat of your body/verbal language would be very hard.

Have you ever known an actor BTW?

Gee I'm rattling on. Sorry. In short there is no virtuality. All is real communication, just varied in delivery and reception. At times we can and do switch from one to the other.

I'm just very glad I've been able to meet some of the great personalities on this board. I can now put faces to names, see animation in the persons face when I read their words and no matter what happens, will not forget them in a long time.

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I am the walrus!.... er, no hang on....

A fair dinkum laughing Hyena!