Cat Commandments - Page 2

TheCrimsomBlade · 10-10-2002, 09:08 PM

My wife and I have 8 short hair black and white cats that live in the house and never go outside. They range from the smallest at 6lbs. to the largest at A wopping 31 lbs. and whats is it about 4a.m. why do all cats seem inclined to wake their humans almost daily 2 hours before sun rise or 3 hours before the alarm? but I don't really mind I usually have to piss then anyway I also have two dogs and Louis the 31 pounder likes to kick their butts at his leasure (pore dobermans) his canine teeth are 2&1/8"long so the dogs dont really have a chance he just will grab one of the 125 lbs dobies and through it to the ground and hold it down. his neck is 14" around and he is 37" tall when stands on his hind leggs and streches up to see what we are having for dinner his best friend besides me is the smallest female she only weighs 6 lbs and she is so fast she will sneek up on him and and scare the s--t out of him and then be gone before he can move. then again let any of the other cats, dogs or people except me mess with her and they have hell to pay. He really pisses off my wife at times because he doesn't listen to her ever! But he stops doing what ever he's doing when I say cool it lou! He knows who feeds him HA! HA! HA!

Ladyzekke · 10-10-2002, 09:41 PM

LOL! Very funny! To add another one "Thou shall not sleep on your owner's pillow right above their head and proceed to clean yourself"!

My fatcat likes to do that, she gets TWO warnings when she does it, first a slight lift of the pillow (I put my hand under the pillow and lift up slightly one time), then second offence a bigger lift almost taking said cat off the pillow altogether LOL, she does it again, and that's it, full tilt buh bye!! She's learned her lesson though, and doesn't do it much at all anymore, and if she does, the first warning is enough LOL and she stops and goes to sleep. What bothers me btw about her self cleaning right above my head on MY pillow is she moves my pillow while doing it, my head is moving up and down according to her licking LOL, the licking sound effects are a bit gross and just plain get on my nerves in time, but mostly it is her breath LOL. You could take down a stone golem with it I swear!

Night Stalker · 10-10-2002, 10:01 PM

Or ...

Thou shalt not bring corpses home as "gifts".
Thou shalt not climb the drapes.
Thou shalt not use the Humans as scratching posts.
Thou shalt not eat grass.
Thou shalt not confuse the Humans feet with mice while the Human is sleeping.

Ladyzekke · 10-10-2002, 10:15 PM

ROTFL Nightstalker! I remember I had a tabby cat that I got as a stray once, and he loved to pounce and totally BITE on my roommate's feet in bed LOL! Never did it to me, but had this thing for the roommate LOL, drove him crazy LOL cause he worked nights and the cat would start at around 6:00am with is feet, he had to sit still under the covers to keep it away LOL

TheCrimsomBlade · 10-10-2002, 10:22 PM

Here are a few more that have happened to me.
Oh, and yes I wish cats could read!

Thou shall not vomit up hair balls inside of my tennis shoes.
Thou shall not use T.V. remote as a toy mouse and bash it around the floor.
Thou shall not steal loafs of bread from bread box and take 20 bites from it.
Thou shall not jump in tub and freek out while I'm taking a shower.

Night Stalker · 10-10-2002, 10:24 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Aviehenda:
Didn't mean to offend the cat [img]graemlins/blueblink.gif[/img]
I love cats [img]smile.gif[/img]

ROTFLMFAO??

quote:
Originally posted by RevRuby:
how about "thou shall not crawl into guest's hand bags"

our cat is obsessed with boxes and bags, so he does this often

Cats can be strange [img]smile.gif[/img] [/QUOTE]Rolling On The Floor, Laughing My Freakin A$$ Off.

My Uncle once came back to the house to return the cat that had gotten into his bag.

Night Stalker · 10-10-2002, 10:32 PM

ladyzekke

If you liked that ....

Thou shalt not sleep on thy Humans HEAD while he is sleeping.

It must be a tabby thing (cause of course 2 prooves a trend ...). I swear on this one. One night I remember all of a sudden, whatever I was dreaming about turned to "fuzz". Everything in the dream - fuzz. That's about when I woke up and realised I couldn't breathe .... reached up ..... and sure enough .... yup, cat was sleeping on my head!

Yes, Kitty earned his wings that night ....

Ladyzekke · 10-10-2002, 10:40 PM

LOL Nightstalker! Same here! And yep, FatCat is a Tabby! HAS to sleep on the same pillow as I do, and pushes her feet on my head sometimes, and I wake up with my head resting on like two inches of the pillow cause she's slowly pushed me down LOL. Woke up many times with cat paws pushing at my cheeks! Yeah, must be a tabby thing I guess!

Oh, and I've had that suffocating thing too in dreams, but for me it wasn't the cat, I was just sleeping face down in my pillow LOL, doh! [img]tongue.gif[/img]

[ 10-10-2002, 10:42 PM: Message edited by: ladyzekke ]

Thoran · 10-10-2002, 11:25 PM

Thou shall not leave pawprints across 3 pies on your way to the thanksgiving turkey.
Thou shall not covet the thanksgiving turkey
Thou shall not sit in the middle of the busiest hall in the house and attack anyone who comes within reach of claw
Thou shall not attempt to run around corners quickly when on a tile floor
Thou shall not eat the pet Finches (that's a story all by itself)
Thou shall not make the dogs bleed
Thou shall realize that screens will stop you no matter how fast you're going
Thou shall realize that squirrels know when the window is closed
Thou shall not eat Yarn balls
Thou ESPECIALLY shall not eat christmas tree tinsel
Thou shall not climb christmas tree
Thou shall not knock glass bulbs off tree and bat around until broken
Thou shall realize that large plant pots are NOT kitty litter

[img]smile.gif[/img]

Aviehenda · 10-11-2002, 12:10 PM

Many good stories posted here now

And can anyone tell me what it is about cats and people that's allergic to them? I am..and there's NO cat that doesn't like me!
Like my friends cat that don't like women (strange thing)...but she liked me right away [img]smile.gif[/img]
Weeeeeeeeee..I'm a cat magnet! [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img]

10-10-2002, 09:08 PM	#11
TheCrimsomBlade Lord Ao Join Date: August 25, 2001 Location: Winchester ,Virginia , United States Age: 71 Posts: 2,081	My wife and I have 8 short hair black and white cats that live in the house and never go outside. They range from the smallest at 6lbs. to the largest at A wopping 31 lbs. and whats is it about 4a.m. why do all cats seem inclined to wake their humans almost daily 2 hours before sun rise or 3 hours before the alarm? but I don't really mind I usually have to piss then anyway I also have two dogs and Louis the 31 pounder likes to kick their butts at his leasure (pore dobermans) his canine teeth are 2&1/8"long so the dogs dont really have a chance he just will grab one of the 125 lbs dobies and through it to the ground and hold it down. his neck is 14" around and he is 37" tall when stands on his hind leggs and streches up to see what we are having for dinner his best friend besides me is the smallest female she only weighs 6 lbs and she is so fast she will sneek up on him and and scare the s--t out of him and then be gone before he can move. then again let any of the other cats, dogs or people except me mess with her and they have hell to pay. He really pisses off my wife at times because he doesn't listen to her ever! But he stops doing what ever he's doing when I say cool it lou! He knows who feeds him HA! HA! HA! __________________ Remember these are just games so don't get too upset when you get your ass handed to you in a hat box

10-10-2002, 09:41 PM	#12
Ladyzekke Ironworks Atomic Moderator Join Date: January 7, 2001 Location: Virginia, U.S.A. Age: 57 Posts: 9,005	LOL! Very funny! To add another one "Thou shall not sleep on your owner's pillow right above their head and proceed to clean yourself"! My fatcat likes to do that, she gets TWO warnings when she does it, first a slight lift of the pillow (I put my hand under the pillow and lift up slightly one time), then second offence a bigger lift almost taking said cat off the pillow altogether LOL, she does it again, and that's it, full tilt buh bye!! She's learned her lesson though, and doesn't do it much at all anymore, and if she does, the first warning is enough LOL and she stops and goes to sleep. What bothers me btw about her self cleaning right above my head on MY pillow is she moves my pillow while doing it, my head is moving up and down according to her licking LOL, the licking sound effects are a bit gross and just plain get on my nerves in time, but mostly it is her breath LOL. You could take down a stone golem with it I swear! __________________ Reality Show Recaps

10-10-2002, 10:01 PM	#13
Night Stalker Lord Ao Join Date: June 24, 2002 Location: Nevernever Land Age: 49 Posts: 2,002	Or ... Thou shalt not bring corpses home as "gifts". Thou shalt not climb the drapes. Thou shalt not use the Humans as scratching posts. Thou shalt not eat grass. Thou shalt not confuse the Humans feet with mice while the Human is sleeping. __________________ [url]\"http://www.duryea.org/pinky/gurkin.wav\" target=\"_blank\">AYPWIP?</a> .... <img border=\"0\" alt=\"[1ponder]\" title=\"\" src=\"graemlins/1ponder.gif\" /> <br />\"I think so Brain, but isn\'t a cucumber that small called a gherkin?\"<br /><br />Shut UP! Pinky!

10-10-2002, 10:15 PM	#14
Ladyzekke Ironworks Atomic Moderator Join Date: January 7, 2001 Location: Virginia, U.S.A. Age: 57 Posts: 9,005	ROTFL Nightstalker! I remember I had a tabby cat that I got as a stray once, and he loved to pounce and totally BITE on my roommate's feet in bed LOL! Never did it to me, but had this thing for the roommate LOL, drove him crazy LOL cause he worked nights and the cat would start at around 6:00am with is feet, he had to sit still under the covers to keep it away LOL __________________ Reality Show Recaps

10-10-2002, 10:22 PM	#15
TheCrimsomBlade Lord Ao Join Date: August 25, 2001 Location: Winchester ,Virginia , United States Age: 71 Posts: 2,081	Here are a few more that have happened to me. Oh, and yes I wish cats could read! Thou shall not vomit up hair balls inside of my tennis shoes. Thou shall not use T.V. remote as a toy mouse and bash it around the floor. Thou shall not steal loafs of bread from bread box and take 20 bites from it. Thou shall not jump in tub and freek out while I'm taking a shower. __________________ Remember these are just games so don't get too upset when you get your ass handed to you in a hat box

10-10-2002, 10:32 PM	#17
Night Stalker Lord Ao Join Date: June 24, 2002 Location: Nevernever Land Age: 49 Posts: 2,002	ladyzekke If you liked that .... Thou shalt not sleep on thy Humans HEAD while he is sleeping. It must be a tabby thing (cause of course 2 prooves a trend ...). I swear on this one. One night I remember all of a sudden, whatever I was dreaming about turned to "fuzz". Everything in the dream - fuzz. That's about when I woke up and realised I couldn't breathe .... reached up ..... and sure enough .... yup, cat was sleeping on my head! Yes, Kitty earned his wings that night .... __________________ [url]\"http://www.duryea.org/pinky/gurkin.wav\" target=\"_blank\">AYPWIP?</a> .... <img border=\"0\" alt=\"[1ponder]\" title=\"\" src=\"graemlins/1ponder.gif\" /> <br />\"I think so Brain, but isn\'t a cucumber that small called a gherkin?\"<br /><br />Shut UP! Pinky!

10-10-2002, 10:40 PM	#18
Ladyzekke Ironworks Atomic Moderator Join Date: January 7, 2001 Location: Virginia, U.S.A. Age: 57 Posts: 9,005	LOL Nightstalker! Same here! And yep, FatCat is a Tabby! HAS to sleep on the same pillow as I do, and pushes her feet on my head sometimes, and I wake up with my head resting on like two inches of the pillow cause she's slowly pushed me down LOL. Woke up many times with cat paws pushing at my cheeks! Yeah, must be a tabby thing I guess! Oh, and I've had that suffocating thing too in dreams, but for me it wasn't the cat, I was just sleeping face down in my pillow LOL, doh! [img]tongue.gif[/img] [ 10-10-2002, 10:42 PM: Message edited by: ladyzekke ] __________________ Reality Show Recaps

10-10-2002, 11:25 PM	#19
Thoran Galvatron Join Date: January 10, 2002 Location: Upstate NY Age: 56 Posts: 2,109	Thou shall not leave pawprints across 3 pies on your way to the thanksgiving turkey. Thou shall not covet the thanksgiving turkey Thou shall not sit in the middle of the busiest hall in the house and attack anyone who comes within reach of claw Thou shall not attempt to run around corners quickly when on a tile floor Thou shall not eat the pet Finches (that's a story all by itself) Thou shall not make the dogs bleed Thou shall realize that screens will stop you no matter how fast you're going Thou shall realize that squirrels know when the window is closed Thou shall not eat Yarn balls Thou ESPECIALLY shall not eat christmas tree tinsel Thou shall not climb christmas tree Thou shall not knock glass bulbs off tree and bat around until broken Thou shall realize that large plant pots are NOT kitty litter [img]smile.gif[/img]

10-11-2002, 12:10 PM	#20
Aviehenda Dungeon Master Join Date: September 21, 2002 Location: Norway Age: 41 Posts: 58	Many good stories posted here now And can anyone tell me what it is about cats and people that's allergic to them? I am..and there's NO cat that doesn't like me! Like my friends cat that don't like women (strange thing)...but she liked me right away [img]smile.gif[/img] Weeeeeeeeee..I'm a cat magnet! [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img]

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