Should you smack your children?

[Sir Taliesin]

QUOTE]Oh...one more thing....when a child throws toys (like Cloudy's nephew(?)), pick the toy up and throw it in the trash can. THAT works wonders. (This was another favorite tactic of Jared's...one he is learning to overcome so that he doesn't lose any more toys).[/QB][/QUOTE]
I've done this! It does get their attention!

[Ed]

Yes

[Larry_OHF]

I am ready to add to this debate, although I have not read every single post. Don't need to. I get this jist of what is going on.

I was at my father-in-law's home for dinner one day, and as we grown-uips were talking, one of the 6 year old grandchildren just had to tell grandpa of something funny on TV. Grandpa was talking at the time, and had to stop because the child was yelling "grandpa" constantly, not to be ignored. Grandpa stopped, and told the kid, that he would send him to a corner to stand if he was interrupted so rudely the next time. The kid had his say on what was funny on TV, then ran away to play. An hour later, as we were still conversing, the kid came up again and wanted a popcycle, forgetting about the punishment promised. Grandpa gave him the punishment insted of the popcycle, then after five minutes, told him he could get out of the corner. A third time, while we were still talking, the kid again untimely approached grandpa and asked if he could have that popcycle now. Grandpa said no, that it was too close to dinner, and began talking again to us. The kid started whining about it, and actually reached over and slapped grandpa in the face to get his attention, yelling, "Grandpa!" Well, in a lightning flash, the kid was returned the slap, that startled him so much, he didn't even start thinking about crying for a few seconds.

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Another story. I was told by karen that Marybeth has gotten into the tantrum stage, and when she does not get her way, she throws a terrible aggressive outpouring of emotion. It usually involves kicking mommy. Mommy has scolded her, sent her to her room, took away toys, but nothing has taught Marybeth not to kick mommy. This had been going on for weeks. Mommy was getting kicked too many times, and had no idea what to do about it besides run from her own daughter. Strangely enough, these tantrums were never done in my eyesight. I always just heard about them. Recently, while Karen was ready to come inside after playing in the yard with the baby, the baby was not ready to come inside, but Karen needed to, and I could not help because I was on my way out the door to go to work after lunch break. MaryBeth did not know I was watching, and kicked mommy for making her go inside. I used my "daddy voice" which sent her into a surprised freeze. But, then when I told her, "please do not kick your mother..." She did it again!, just to spite me!

Well, I was over there in a flash, and decided that the leg that had been the one to kick with was the one that needed to be reprimended. I smacked the leg. Of course, after all the crying and wailing...it may of worked. In a week, MaryBeth's tantrums do not include kicks.

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The reason I posted both of these stories is to show that some physical showing of punishment was used as a last resort, and I feel that both of them were done correctly, with no repentence to my thoughts. It was not the first fom of punishmentn used, but the only one that actually brought about a change of behavior acceptable to the adult.

[Azred]

Thank you, Larry, for those wonderful examples of both restraint and proper use of discipline.

Belle and I parent TJ in this manner; I wish more people would do so for their children.

[ 05-17-2002, 12:57 PM: Message edited by: Azred ]

[Melusine]

Those were some good examples, Larry. Contrary to what some people seem to be thinking , I do not have a problem with smacking the way e.g. Larry describes it (as I have repeated ad nauseam, the issues I had with this thread were of a different nature and didn't have much to do with the topic as such). I doubt I would use it as an educative tool myself, but I don't question the judgement of people who would do it, neccesarily. I certainly feel that some of the instances Cloudy describes are much coser to my idea of a good solution, but I will concede there may be instances where a swat seemed the only possible solution at the time, and an effective one at that. I do however severely question the common sense of people who believe it is the only way to go, or who believe that parent's who don't use smacking are doing something wrong.

[ 05-17-2002, 01:10 PM: Message edited by: Melusine ]

I agree. I think CONTINUOUSLY using spanking as a punishment would diminish its effect anyway. Withdrawing of privileges, teaching by example, etc., are probably more effective if done right IMO though

[Sazerac]

Originally posted by MagiK: quote: Originally posted by Sazerac: One thing is for certain: You alone know best how to raise your children. I would no sooner tell someone how to raise their kids than I would hope no one would come into my classroom and tell me how to instruct them. Different styles, different methods...if they work, and are non-abusive, then I'd say let it ride. -Sazerac

Saz, I got to disagree with you about this a little...only the parent has a right to determine how to raise their child, but society and others who have to "put up with" the little monsters you might let roam will also have a say in the matter. They will show thier displeasure in how they treat you and your children may invite local law enforcement into the fray...so it bears mentioning, that the parent has an obligation to raise their child responsibly to be a suitable member of the society you expect him/her to live in.

Too Often I hear a distraught single parent say "I have tried every thing" about an unruly kid...only they havent really....the truth tis they have actually tried very little......Of course my current neighborhood is more apt to have this problem than the one Im moving to soon.[/QUOTE]I think this is more of a difference of terms, actually. I was referring to "effective" parenting. I agree about the parents who say "I've tried everything," but haven't. If a person if firm, and their methods produce results, that's what I was referring to, regardless whether it's physical, non-physical, or a combination of both techniques.

-Sazerac

[Sazerac]

Originally posted by Ed: Yes

Yes WHAT, Ed?

One word posts aren't allowed here at Ironworks. I think you can express better than this.

-Sazerac

Well the topic does tend to lend itself to one word answers.... [img]smile.gif[/img]
You could reply to the thread title with a siomple yes or no...its just that most of us are far too verbose for our own good [img]smile.gif[/img]

[Avatar]

Originally posted by Sazerac: quote: Originally posted by Ed: Yes

Yes WHAT, Ed?

One word posts aren't allowed here at Ironworks. I think you can express better than this.

-Sazerac[/QUOTE] LOL yes Ed u silly boi you'll have to write a bit more than that my o' friend.