I need a little objective advice please.

[Sir Kenyth]

I have some girlfriend vs. ex-wife problems. The problem being that my girlfriend doesn't approve of the way I handle things with my ex. I have custody of my 10 year old son. I always have. I had him for the first few years after the divorce and didn't get child support. She was broke and I couldn't see being a vulture. She got remarried and got a decent job and wanted to have him for a while and he wanted to live with his mom for a bit. She had him a year and a half. I didn't pay anything in support either during this time. Now, roles are reversed a bit. I'm making about $500 less a month than I used to. She found a better paying job. I'm making ends meet, but little more than that. I've paid for health insurance and dentist/doctor visits the entire time, but other than that, neither of us has paid any child support. I think it's time to ask for about $200 a month to cover insurance and incidental co-payments. Here's the problem. I brought this up in conversation and my current girlfriend is furious that I've been doing things this way! She claims I'm entitled to $500 a month (I am) and that I should be demanding it! Women do it all the time and I should do it too. Now my mother and some of my female friends have all hopped on the bandwagon! I've been accused of having repressed feelings for my ex, among other things. Apparently, if I'm not sticking it up her @$$ and breaking it off, I'm not doing it right! My ex already pays support for her other son. The combination would be about $900 a month! That kind of bill will break a person! As in, she would have to sell her mothers house that she just bought. My girlfriend and posse apparently feel I shouldn't be concerned with such things. I'm all for her paying her fair share, but $500 a month is excessive! It doesn't cost me that much to have him. What do you guys think? Just because everyone else tries to give a foot and a half of pole to thier ex, I should too?

[Attalus]

Wow, Sir K., that's a real minefield. Do I understand correctly that your son is living with you, and that you are making ends meet? If so, I wouldn't come down too hard on my ex. If you need the money, I think that I would reconsider and talk it over with your ex-wife and come to a reasonable conclusion. I would tell my female connections and relations to butt out, but that's just me. Good luck!

[Night Stalker]

I think alimony/palimony/child support are all part of the revenge/entitlment mentality that society has developed. I don't believe anyone is "entitled" to anything. If you work out arangements with you x that are comfortable to both of you, that's all that matters. Your current GF has other issues that need delt with. She needs to realize that your son is a link to your x and that is never going to change. What ever the reason, your x is your X, and she is current. There is no need to add unneeded jelousies to an already complcated situation (unless you give her other reasons to think she needs to feel jelous).

Sorry to hear you have such a complicated mess.

[Timber Loftis]

Well, children are expensive, no doubt about it. Plus, I don't know who you've consulted, but child support doesn't double with each child. My wife works with child support in IL (different from IN I'm sure), and here the first kid gets 20% of the spouse's income, but if there are 2 kids, they split 25%. It differs by state. And, in a case like this it's not "entitlement," and no one will take it that way IMHO - again, kids are expensive.

Why not see what you can work out with the Ex? You can tell your wounded girlfriend about the benefits of keeping a healthy relationship between your son's parents if she starts in again.

Two final notes. (1) From what I've seen, all non-custodial parents would do well to have you as the custodial parent across the table - you are being generous and I almost *never* see that: kudos. (2) You *do* have latent feelings for your Ex, and your question-framing shows it. This is not bad, and those "feelings" may be "good friend" as opposed to "want to get back together," but your girlfriend nonetheless senses them too. Just a head's up, friend.

[Larry_OHF]

I know you were the first one to initiate a good sport attitude, by not making her pay anything that first time that you had your son in your custody. She returned this kind jesture by not making you pay a dime either. That is a great show of courtesy! She returned the favor. Now, you are being tested and persuaded to be a lech. I do not like that at all. I agree with the other responses here above mine. Don't do it. You can make it on your own without hurting your X wife's pocket. Let her keep her money, and maybe if you need help, she can offer to help on a friendly basis as the situation calls. Do not force her by court order to do it. Your son will be effected by the hatred that will begin to brew. One important thing for him is to know that his parents do not hate one another. Causing her to pay child support will be the start of big trouble.
You can make it. You can find a way around this trial. Your son will love you more for your strength when he sees you trying to do it on your own without hurting his "mom". And if she is kind enough to ahve let you get by without child support taht time, she may still be sweet enough to help you out when you need it, for the kid's sake...at least.

[DragonMage]

I concur with the consensus here.

If you can keep it civil with the ex for the child's sake, for Heaven's sake do so! I commend you both on not bending to today's trend of hurt and spite. That is such a wonderful influence for your son! [img]smile.gif[/img]

Just talk to the ex and work something out. If the current g/f doesn't understand, I'd be more inclined to question the current relationship instead. Anyone who would ENCOURAGE exes to hate each other instead of showing mutual respect and consideration has issues.

[Animal]

This is quite refreshing to see two adults thinking about their child for a change instead of using them as pawns to see who can get the most money, my hat's off to you and your ex wife.
I am a single father as well, my wife passed away shortly after my daughter was born, so I can't speak for the child support situation, but it looks like everyone else has pretty much covered the bases.
It sounds like you have a reasonable rapor with your ex-wife, so sit down with her and discuss the situation, for your sons sake. You may be entitled to $500 a month, but that doesn't make it right. Your son will be much happier if his parents are on speaking terms, and much more likely to have a well adjusted life if he doesn't have to hear mum badmouthing dad and vice versa.
I don't mean to insult your current girlfriend, but if you had an extra $500 a month, she'd probably be happier. In my life, my daughter comes first no matter what. I've seen two women during the past 8 years, and both began to interfere in my relationship with my daughter at which point it was bye bye.
Again, I commend you Sir Kenyth, it sounds like you are a very caring dad, so do what's best for your son, not anyone else

[antryg]

When my wife and I divorced, I kept custody of our three sons and have raised them. Like you I didn't take money from my ex. At the time she was having a hard time as well. Later when she was doing well I still never asked for help. And, like you, I've had friends and family members tell me to get what I "deserved". The ONLY thing that is important is the well being of your son.
Don't let anyone pressure you into decisions that might not be in HIS best interest. If you need to, talk with your ex and work out something that you both can live with. I'm sure your ex has your sons best interest at heart as well.

[Sir Krustin]

I agree with a lot of the voices here, stick to what you feel is right for the child and the mother both. Like it or not, your girlfriend has to accept that caring for your son means he still has to have a healthy relationship with his mother, regardless of your own feelings - this also means your ex shouldn't have to give up a newly bought house in order to pay child support.

As for the g/f, have a long talk with her and patiently try and explain that you will always have a relationship with your ex, regardless of what happens otherwise (because of the children), or how you feel about her. Be open and frank about this, she'll sniff out dishonesty and be offended if you lie even a little. Make sure she knows your feelings towards her (the g/f).

[Harkoliar]

i agree that your child is more of a priority. and that your linient attitude towards your X is your choice and not your Girl friend... you should abide by it because it is YOU and what you believe in. i think that you should talk with your ex if problems arise about child support and you should also talk with your Girl Friend regarding your opinion on that matter. personally i think she has no right on that matter. if she still persist with her own idea then i think you should start thinking and try to solve this kind of matter. i do not mean to imply but if this will remain unsolved, it would only be worse in the future (when you guys are married) so think carefully.