The differences between men and women

onthepequod · 05-15-2001, 08:42 AM

Good morning all!

This is a little story (not intended to demean in any respect) that I found amusing.

Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

Then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud:

"Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"

There is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward....I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Roger is thinking: So that means it was...let's see...February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means...lemme check the odometer....Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed--even before I sensed it--that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.

And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a damn garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600!

And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. God, I feel so guilty putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.

And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90- day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs.

And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems truly to care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a damn warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their....

"Roger," Elaine says aloud.

"What?" says Roger, startled.

"Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have....Oh, God, I feel so...."

(She breaks down, sobbing.)

"What?" says Roger.

"I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."

"There's no horse?" says Roger.

"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.

"No!" says Roger, glad finally to know the correct answer.

"It's just that....It's that I...I need some time," Elaine says.

(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)

"Yes," he says.

(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.)

"Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?" she says.

"What way?" says Roger.

"That way about time," says Elaine.

"Oh," says Roger. "Yes."

(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

"Thank you, Roger," she says.

"Thank you," says Roger.

Then he takes her home. She lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it.

The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions but never getting bored with it, either.

Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say:

"Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"

Black Knight · 05-15-2001, 08:50 AM

I think I've had a couple of these conversations . . . or one with the football game on (or hockey) and she will try to talk to me. She get that echo where I repeat what she last said . . . she LOVES that.

BK

------------------

The Black Storm Cloud of the Night
Consort to a Queen
Champion of Truth, Justice and Cloudy's Way
Captain of the Knights of the Golden Dragons
Heart, Mind, and Soul
Offical Wizard and Warrior Questioner
What is this, the Spanish Inquisition?
Ironworks Answer Man

onthepequod · 05-15-2001, 08:55 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Black Knight:
I think I've had a couple of these conversations . . .

Yeah, me too. It's a good thing women are patient.

Father Bronze · 05-15-2001, 09:22 AM

My wife and I joke about some of the differences in the way we handle situations.

A case in point is a description I gave her of a fishing trip I was going on with my Dad and Grandpa.

It was early in the morning and foggy. We needed to find the lake. I was 16 and sitting quitely in the back seat while Grandpa drove and Dad navigated. They were both lost.

In this awkward situation, I wouldn't dare open my mouth. To insinuate that I was more intelligent because I knew where we were supposed to go and they didn't would be a terrible blow to the authority/ego of Grandpa and Dad. I knew this. And so I sat quitely while they figured out where to go. About an hour later, we found the right road to the lake.

My wife's take on the whole event was, "Why didn't you just tell them where to go?" I tried to explain that I couldn't. She chalked it up to a "male" thing and said that if she were riding with her Mom and Grandma, neither would have had a problem taking directions from a teenage backseat driver.

I hope this story came out right. In re-reading it seems awfully confusing.

------------------

Most Subtle Official Straightman of the Laughing Hyenas -- Grammarian Brigade.

onthepequod · 05-15-2001, 09:25 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Father Bronze:
I hope this story came out right. In re-reading it seems awfully confusing.

Clear as a bell.

MILAMBER · 05-15-2001, 03:45 PM

That was great onthepequod!! I just forwarded it to every female I know!

------------------
"The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his."
-General George Patton (1885-1945)

Moiraine · 05-15-2001, 05:46 PM

LMAO !

(From my husband AND me !

)

------------------

The world is my oyster !
And now I have the knives to open it ...

05-15-2001, 05:53 PM

This one should be well known to all.
.
The woman is always right.
If they are ever wrong, it is because they have been misinformed by a man

Redblueflare · 05-15-2001, 06:47 PM

Women are not always right! Trust me when something doesn't go their way they're just as reluctant to admit it as we are. Besides we men will never completely understand women anyway. I know I don't!

------------------
Burn to a crisp!
Redblueflare (Call me Red!)

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05-15-2001, 08:42 AM	#1
onthepequod Quintesson Join Date: April 6, 2001 Location: two leagues down Posts: 1,081	Good morning all! This is a little story (not intended to demean in any respect) that I found amusing. Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else. Then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?" There is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation he doesn't want, or isn't sure of. And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months. And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward....I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person? And Roger is thinking: So that means it was...let's see...February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means...lemme check the odometer....Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here. And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed--even before I sensed it--that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected. And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a damn garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600! And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. God, I feel so guilty putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure. And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90- day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs. And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems truly to care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy. And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a damn warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their.... "Roger," Elaine says aloud. "What?" says Roger, startled. "Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have....Oh, God, I feel so...." (She breaks down, sobbing.) "What?" says Roger. "I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse." "There's no horse?" says Roger. "You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says. "No!" says Roger, glad finally to know the correct answer. "It's just that....It's that I...I need some time," Elaine says. (There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.) "Yes," he says. (Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.) "Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?" she says. "What way?" says Roger. "That way about time," says Elaine. "Oh," says Roger. "Yes." (Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.) "Thank you, Roger," she says. "Thank you," says Roger. Then he takes her home. She lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it. The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions but never getting bored with it, either. Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: "Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"

05-15-2001, 08:50 AM	#2
Black Knight Ma'at - Goddess of Truth & Justice Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: Delaware OH USA Age: 47 Posts: 3,168	I think I've had a couple of these conversations . . . or one with the football game on (or hockey) and she will try to talk to me. She get that echo where I repeat what she last said . . . she LOVES that. BK ------------------ The Black Storm Cloud of the Night Consort to a Queen Champion of Truth, Justice and Cloudy's Way Captain of the Knights of the Golden Dragons Heart, Mind, and Soul Offical Wizard and Warrior Questioner What is this, the Spanish Inquisition? Ironworks Answer Man

05-15-2001, 09:22 AM	#4
Father Bronze Baaz Draconian Join Date: January 8, 2001 Location: Northern Illinois Age: 55 Posts: 719	My wife and I joke about some of the differences in the way we handle situations. A case in point is a description I gave her of a fishing trip I was going on with my Dad and Grandpa. It was early in the morning and foggy. We needed to find the lake. I was 16 and sitting quitely in the back seat while Grandpa drove and Dad navigated. They were both lost. In this awkward situation, I wouldn't dare open my mouth. To insinuate that I was more intelligent because I knew where we were supposed to go and they didn't would be a terrible blow to the authority/ego of Grandpa and Dad. I knew this. And so I sat quitely while they figured out where to go. About an hour later, we found the right road to the lake. My wife's take on the whole event was, "Why didn't you just tell them where to go?" I tried to explain that I couldn't. She chalked it up to a "male" thing and said that if she were riding with her Mom and Grandma, neither would have had a problem taking directions from a teenage backseat driver. I hope this story came out right. In re-reading it seems awfully confusing. ------------------ Most Subtle Official Straightman of the Laughing Hyenas -- Grammarian Brigade.

05-15-2001, 03:45 PM	#6
MILAMBER Lord Soth Join Date: March 5, 2001 Location: Southern California Posts: 1,948	That was great onthepequod!! I just forwarded it to every female I know! ------------------ "The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his." -General George Patton (1885-1945)

05-15-2001, 05:46 PM	#7
Moiraine Anubis Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: Up in the Freedomland Alps Age: 59 Posts: 2,474	LMAO ! (From my husband AND me ! ) ------------------ The world is my oyster ! And now I have the knives to open it ...

05-15-2001, 05:53 PM	#8
Lord Shield Guest Posts: n/a	This one should be well known to all. . The woman is always right. If they are ever wrong, it is because they have been misinformed by a man

05-15-2001, 06:47 PM	#9
Redblueflare Galvatron Join Date: May 9, 2001 Location: The backwoods in Georgia sigh Age: 39 Posts: 2,151	Women are not always right! Trust me when something doesn't go their way they're just as reluctant to admit it as we are. Besides we men will never completely understand women anyway. I know I don't! ------------------ Burn to a crisp! Redblueflare (Call me Red!)

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