Happy Thurday! :D

Charean · 05-09-2002, 03:02 PM

Friend: "I suppose you carry a memento of some sort in that locket of yours?"

Woman: "Yes, it's a lock of my husband's hair."

Friend: "But your husband is still alive."

Woman: "I know, but his hair is gone."

**************************

The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his young wife in floods of tears. "Darling, whatever is the matter?" he asks.

"Sweetheart," she sobs, "the most terrible thing has happened! I cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out the oven to season it, and the phone rang. When I came back from answering the phone," she sobbed again, "I found that the cat had eaten it!"

"Don't worry, darling," said her husband. "Don't cry. We'll get a new cat in the morning..."

***************************

The Sunday school teacher asked, "How many of you children would like to go to Heaven?"

All raised their hands except little Ronnie. The teacher asked him why not.

"I'm sorry," Ronnie replied. "Mommy told me to come right home after Sunday school."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

and for the Trekkies.... (er Trekkers?)

If Dr. Seuss wrote for Star Trek: the Next Generation...

Picard: Sigma Indri, that's the star,
So Data, please, how far? How far?

Data: Our ship can get there very fast
But still the trip will last and last
We'll have two days til we arrive
But can the Indrans there survive?

Picard: LaForge, please give us factor nine.

LaForge: But sir, the engines are offline!

Picard: Offline: But why? I want to go!
Please make it so, please make it so!

Riker: But sir, if Geordi says we can't,
We can't, we mustn't, and we shan't,
The danger here is far too great!

Picard: But surely we must not be late!

Troi: I'm sensing anger and great ire.

Computer: Alert! Alert! The ship's on fire!

Picard: The ship's on fire? How could this be?
Who lit the fire?

Riker: Not me.

Worf: Not me.

Picard: Computer, how long til we die?

Computer: Eight minutes left to say goodbye.

Data: May I suggest a course to take?
We could, I think, quite safely make
Extinguishers from tractor beams
And stop the fire, or so it seems...

Geordi: Hurray! Hurray! You've saved the day!
Again I say, Hurray! Hurray!

Picard: Mr. Data, thank you much.
You've saved our lives, our ship, and such.

Troi: We still must save the Indran planet --

Data: Which (by the way) is made of granite...

Picard: Enough, you android. Please desist.
We understand -- we get your gist.
But can we get our ship to go?
Please, make it so, PLEASE make it so.

Geordi: There's sabotage among the wires
And that's what started all the fires.

Riker: We have a saboteur? Oh, no!
We need to go! We need to go!

Troi: We must seek out the traitor spy
And lock him up and ask him, "Why?"

Worf: Ask him why? How sentimental.
I say give him problems dental.

Troi: Are any Romulan ships around?
Have scanners said that they've been found?
Or is it Borg or some new threat
We haven't even heard of yet?
I sense no malice in this crew.
Now what are we supposed to do?

Crusher: Captain, please, the Indrans need us.
They cry out, "Help us, clothe us, feed us!"
I can't just sit and let them die!
A doctor MUST attempt -- MUST try!

Picard: Doctor, please, we'll get there soon.

Crusher: They may be dead by Tuesday noon.

*COMMERCIAL BREAK, COMMERCIAL BREAK
HOW LONG WILL THESE DUMB ADS TAKE?*

Worf: The saboteur is in the brig.
He's very strong and very big.
I had my phaser set on stun.
A zzzip! A zzzap! Another one!
He would not budge, he would not fall,
He would not stun, no, not at all!
He changed into a stranger form
All soft and purple, round and warm.

Picard: Did you see this, Mr. Worf?
Did you see this creature morph?

Worf: I did and then I beat him fairly.
Hit him on the jaw -- quite squarely.

Riker: My commendations, Klingon friend!
Our troubles now are at an end!

Crusher: Now let's get our ship to fly
And orbit yonder Indran sky!

Picard: LaForge, please tell me we can go...?

Geordi: Yes, sir, we can.

Picard: Then make it so!

***** THE END *****

Talthyr Malkaviel · 05-09-2002, 03:05 PM

LOL [img]graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]
Where do you get them all???

Bristowe · 05-09-2002, 03:07 PM

Haha, sweet

However i don't get that cat one...it's really late over here in Australia...arrgh

Ar-Cunin · 05-09-2002, 03:09 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Bristowe:
Haha, sweet
However i don't get that cat one...it's really late over here in Australia...arrgh

The wife REALLY can't cook

BTW Chanran [img]graemlins/awesomework.gif[/img]

Azred · 05-09-2002, 03:56 PM

That Star Trek poem in the style of Seuss
Sure beats the @#$% out of Mother Goose.
Where did you find, or at least, get it?
Or is it a secret, just where you hid it?

The poems are, of course, quite funny.
But not as cute as a fluffy bunny.
(Forgive me for that--it was quite lame
But I'm not that great at the poetry game).

Anyway, enough of that, I will now quit.
Before you all think I'm full of [img]graemlins/petard.gif[/img]
I will not spam or push my luck
Or have you think I'm one weird [img]graemlins/petard.gif[/img]

Ok. That last one was risque, but so what? [img]graemlins/petard.gif[/img]

Charean · 05-09-2002, 04:47 PM

Cool poem!!
I never could write like that.

You would not believe the resources at my disposal for the dispensation of such hilarity and mirth. But it is FUN!

05-09-2002, 05:12 PM

Hehe

Teriffic post Charean, you've got quite a knack for brightening my day [img]smile.gif[/img]

Nice poem too, Azred

Azred · 05-09-2002, 06:05 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Charean:
You would not believe the resources at my disposal for the dispensation of such hilarity and mirth. But it is FUN!

Well, then, let us hope you do not stop any time soon! [img]graemlins/petard.gif[/img]

05-09-2002, 03:02 PM	#1
Charean Hathor Join Date: March 6, 2001 Location: Waxahachie, TX Age: 60 Posts: 2,201	Friend: "I suppose you carry a memento of some sort in that locket of yours?" Woman: "Yes, it's a lock of my husband's hair." Friend: "But your husband is still alive." Woman: "I know, but his hair is gone." ************************ The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his young wife in floods of tears. "Darling, whatever is the matter?" he asks. "Sweetheart," she sobs, "the most terrible thing has happened! I cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out the oven to season it, and the phone rang. When I came back from answering the phone," she sobbed again, "I found that the cat had eaten it!" "Don't worry, darling," said her husband. "Don't cry. We'll get a new cat in the morning..." ************************* The Sunday school teacher asked, "How many of you children would like to go to Heaven?" All raised their hands except little Ronnie. The teacher asked him why not. "I'm sorry," Ronnie replied. "Mommy told me to come right home after Sunday school." ------------------------------------------------------------------------ and for the Trekkies.... (er Trekkers?) If Dr. Seuss wrote for Star Trek: the Next Generation... Picard: Sigma Indri, that's the star, So Data, please, how far? How far? Data: Our ship can get there very fast But still the trip will last and last We'll have two days til we arrive But can the Indrans there survive? Picard: LaForge, please give us factor nine. LaForge: But sir, the engines are offline! Picard: Offline: But why? I want to go! Please make it so, please make it so! Riker: But sir, if Geordi says we can't, We can't, we mustn't, and we shan't, The danger here is far too great! Picard: But surely we must not be late! Troi: I'm sensing anger and great ire. Computer: Alert! Alert! The ship's on fire! Picard: The ship's on fire? How could this be? Who lit the fire? Riker: Not me. Worf: Not me. Picard: Computer, how long til we die? Computer: Eight minutes left to say goodbye. Data: May I suggest a course to take? We could, I think, quite safely make Extinguishers from tractor beams And stop the fire, or so it seems... Geordi: Hurray! Hurray! You've saved the day! Again I say, Hurray! Hurray! Picard: Mr. Data, thank you much. You've saved our lives, our ship, and such. Troi: We still must save the Indran planet -- Data: Which (by the way) is made of granite... Picard: Enough, you android. Please desist. We understand -- we get your gist. But can we get our ship to go? Please, make it so, PLEASE make it so. Geordi: There's sabotage among the wires And that's what started all the fires. Riker: We have a saboteur? Oh, no! We need to go! We need to go! Troi: We must seek out the traitor spy And lock him up and ask him, "Why?" Worf: Ask him why? How sentimental. I say give him problems dental. Troi: Are any Romulan ships around? Have scanners said that they've been found? Or is it Borg or some new threat We haven't even heard of yet? I sense no malice in this crew. Now what are we supposed to do? Crusher: Captain, please, the Indrans need us. They cry out, "Help us, clothe us, feed us!" I can't just sit and let them die! A doctor MUST attempt -- MUST try! Picard: Doctor, please, we'll get there soon. Crusher: They may be dead by Tuesday noon. COMMERCIAL BREAK, COMMERCIAL BREAK HOW LONG WILL THESE DUMB ADS TAKE? Worf: The saboteur is in the brig. He's very strong and very big. I had my phaser set on stun. A zzzip! A zzzap! Another one! He would not budge, he would not fall, He would not stun, no, not at all! He changed into a stranger form All soft and purple, round and warm. Picard: Did you see this, Mr. Worf? Did you see this creature morph? Worf: I did and then I beat him fairly. Hit him on the jaw -- quite squarely. Riker: My commendations, Klingon friend! Our troubles now are at an end! Crusher: Now let's get our ship to fly And orbit yonder Indran sky! Picard: LaForge, please tell me we can go...? Geordi: Yes, sir, we can. Picard: Then make it so! *** THE END *** __________________ And then there were 6.

05-09-2002, 03:05 PM	#2
Talthyr Malkaviel Ma'at - Goddess of Truth & Justice Join Date: August 31, 2001 Location: Land of the Britons Age: 37 Posts: 3,224	LOL [img]graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] Where do you get them all??? __________________ Resident cantankerous sorcerer of the Clan HADB<br />and Sorcerous Nuttella salesman of the O.R.T<br /> <br /><br />Say NO to the Trouser Tyranny! Can I drill you about this?

05-09-2002, 03:07 PM	#3
Bristowe Elminster Join Date: March 4, 2001 Location: Victoria, Australia Age: 41 Posts: 449	Haha, sweet However i don't get that cat one...it's really late over here in Australia...arrgh __________________ [img]\"http://members.lycos.co.uk/deatbringer/Bristowe-sig.jpg\" alt=\" - \" /><br />Bristowe, Master Assassin<br />\"Everyone dies sooner or later, why not sooner?\"

05-09-2002, 03:56 PM	#5
Azred Drow Priestess Join Date: March 13, 2001 Location: a hidden sanctorum high above the metroplex Age: 54 Posts: 4,037	That Star Trek poem in the style of Seuss Sure beats the @#$% out of Mother Goose. Where did you find, or at least, get it? Or is it a secret, just where you hid it? The poems are, of course, quite funny. But not as cute as a fluffy bunny. (Forgive me for that--it was quite lame But I'm not that great at the poetry game). Anyway, enough of that, I will now quit. Before you all think I'm full of [img]graemlins/petard.gif[/img] I will not spam or push my luck Or have you think I'm one weird [img]graemlins/petard.gif[/img] Ok. That last one was risque, but so what? [img]graemlins/petard.gif[/img] __________________ Everything may be explained by a conspiracy theory. All conspiracy theories are true. No matter how thinly you slice it, it's still bologna.

05-09-2002, 04:47 PM	#6
Charean Hathor Join Date: March 6, 2001 Location: Waxahachie, TX Age: 60 Posts: 2,201	Cool poem!! I never could write like that. You would not believe the resources at my disposal for the dispensation of such hilarity and mirth. But it is FUN! __________________ And then there were 6.

05-09-2002, 05:12 PM	#7
Sorcerer Alex Guest Posts: n/a	Hehe Teriffic post Charean, you've got quite a knack for brightening my day [img]smile.gif[/img] Nice poem too, Azred

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