How do you tell when a person is sincere?

[Elif Godson]

Hey there, I have to concur with what everyone else has said here.
Meet him in a public place that you are comfortable in[home ground]
and be cautious not paranoid. Dating is a real pain in the arse and sometimes makes you wonder if it is even worth it. Most important alway's be yourself and dont pull any punches, in other word's be strait forward. If this guy is the shy type he should be comforted by
your action's, if he is a different person he will start to act negativly to a positive person. The best part about meeting in an open area is that you can tell what kind of person he will be, aloof or interested. If he is aloof the date will end rather abruptly if he is interested in you for what you are then he will maintain some form of contact throuhout the date. Compliment's, little touhes, tension breakers, and dont let him be the only one leading the conversation, make him think about thing's familiar to you and see how he answer's.

Well sorry if this seem's a little confusing, to many thought's boucing in the air space between my ear's.
Good luck, be safe and have fun

[Cloudbringer]

Hi Mistral!

I guess I'm going to be the 'voice of experience' for once.. LOL I'm in a committed relationship (ok..no cracks.. I can see the "oh they finally committed Cloudy?" comments! [img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img] ).. .er.. as I was saying! LOL.. I'm in a relationship now with someone I met on a msg board and we talked via icq and voicechat for hours at a time from the first time we communicated off-board.

I would offer this advice, do meet under controled cirucumstances as everyone has suggested , but ONLY if you are interested in continuing the relationship. A restaurant or someplace like that is a good start and Epona's suggestion to tell a friend is important!

I talked to my bf for months before we met in person but by then I'd heard his stories of friends/family/work enough times to know that it always was same and rang true to me. I still made sure several people knew his name and where to find me while I was out there.. and my visit was wonderful! I have to tell you, I was very happy to have done it, despite the cost and concerns I had earlier.

Now it sounds like you live close enough to maybe just have several short 'coffee' visits somewhere public, and that may be all you need to make up your mind about this guy. Be sure you 'feel' good about and don't feel forced into the relationship if YOU aren't comfortable.

As for revealing stuff in email.. I admit that Jim and I were purrrrty darn intimate a few days after we started conversing... but it was several months til we really felt we could talk about the things we disagree on or just discuss a problem without worrying about losing the other because of it.. Trust and love take time to build and maybe this one is the ONE or maybe not.. but only you can decide if you feel it's good and worth pursuing.

I wish you the best of luck, Mistral!!! Do be careful, but don't pass up a chance if you really think it might be ok.. you can always say "BYE" later if it doesn't work out or if it isn't what you want. [img]smile.gif[/img]

Cloudy

[mistral4543]

Thank you so much, everyone!! [img]smile.gif[/img]

He called again today, and this time I took more precautions (did more joking than anything else). Anyway, my bad cough provided the best excuse for me to talk less and he did more talking while I listened...

What can I say? It is a really pleasant experience chatting with him (somewhat like a kindred feeling), but I will definitely be more careful from now on. ~ Makes mental note several times, knocks into head ~

Thanks again!

[MILAMBER]

How did he get your address? That would freak me out. Do you have mutual friends that he could have gotten it from?

[Scholarcs]

Well this is a real hard topic...

Mistral, what I would do is try to stop chatting with him on the phone (ie cut him a bit short), and make your e-mails shorter. To balance this out, meet him for lunch more, and meet him more in real life. I'd do this because it is easier to know his attitude in real life.

[jabidas]

Well in answer to the question how can do you tell when a person is sincere, my initial reaction is to say to them : now tell me to the truth or I will show you another trick mister blowtorch can do.

But hey thats just me.

For more I suppose the word would be *sensible* advise read the other people's advice, al I can say is go with what ever feels right, you never know.

[Bahamut]

well my advice: to meet him first.

nothing can beat the human touch... believe me. you just have to meet him... HAVE TO. yes trust is a VERY important part, you have to have your guts at ease when around him, not speculating anything or doubting him of anything (unless your gut keeps on telling you he's ugly for example [img]smile.gif[/img] ) try to hang him somewhat, make moves that will test his mettle and he will not discover of it, and that it would seem natural and all that... be with him, chat, mail, whatever, and you will just... know

[mistral4543]

This is just to give an update to all those who have cared enough to share with me their views on this subject.

I finally met the guy last evening for dinner. The setting was actually quite pleasant... open-air courtyard area, band playing in the background, a lovely evening breeze, food that was okay but exorbitantly priced...

These are three main observations I made from the meeting, based on gut feel and interactions:

1. He was not as fake as I thought he would be. I was so lucky that despite my crush, I could see him for what he was and the insignificant gestures and words pieced together somehow to form a picture of the sort of person he is.

2. He was very much the pushy sort. Kept trying to find out about my family when I just was not inclined to reveal anything much at that point. I could tell his temper was fraying, especially when I pointedly ignored him when he got too nosey

3. Not very considerate. I'd mentioned I had a cough and he had brought along some cough syrup (obtained using his name; he's a dentist, by the way). Although it was very clear I did not wish to take it, he ordered warm water, a spoon and made me take it anyway. And I did, very unwillingly, because I did not want to create a scene then. But I am really very upset and angry with myself and him over this. [img]graemlins/1pissed.gif[/img]

Well, I do not intend to use this as a venue for badmouthing him. In fact, I think I would have liked him if he weren't so domineering and self-opinionated. And I would be lying if I said that I am not attracted by the fact that he's probably financially well-off (he has his own car after only 1.5 years of working life, and cars are really expensive in this part of the world).

Well, the adventure is over for now and I am quite convinced he isn't the right person for me, at least at this point in time.

I am just worried for myself, because I know my own weaknesses: female vanity [img]tongue.gif[/img] , soft heart, wanting to be nice in general if it doesn't hurt me in the process. So if he should start contacting me again, I will really have to steel myself once and for all.

Erm... wish me luck. Please?!

[250]

Good luck...

**a stern face** it kinda reminded my own rejection, although it has a different circumstances... but still!!! [img]graemlins/crying.gif[/img]

whatever

anyway, Mistral, just want to say that I care. keep us updated [img]smile.gif[/img] and Best of luck of course!

[mistral4543]

Thanks, 250

I don't really see how it could have the slightest resemblance to your personal experiences [img]graemlins/1ponder.gif[/img] but I have great confidence your life is improving by the day, too [img]smile.gif[/img]